"Not officially."

"I can't imagine people who feel so hunky-dory about breaking the rules like that. Or who believe in the two gender theory, and the Devil, and all that."

"They know exactly what they're doing, they're just trying to stick it to The Man. That's one thing I wish I could make River understand."

"I mean, I think River went over there too. Maybe a different region."

"Nah, they're all the same. River is just like... They're not making a big deal about me being late and they are helpful with questions, but I dunno the word. Naive? Yeah, naive. Part of me doesn't want to forget what I've learned and become a naive person. I mean, if my parents show up here tomorrow, am I just supposed to hug them and say hey no hard feelings for any of that?" 

"I don't what a therapist would say about that. You really don't want to forgive your parents, huh?" 

"No. Absolutely not. I'm done doing that one big happy, Jesus wants you to forgive, family stuff."

What does Jesus have to do with any of this?

"I think our train should be here in five minutes, by the way. 

Oh. Um. I've never really had to deal with people like your parents so I don't think I fully understand. And I'm not fully comfortable hearing, because I legitimately don't know what to say. People really don't talk about this stuff, except with their therapists and in specific groups. 

Though it probably doesn't feel as bad as it's supposed to feel when someone talks about stuff like this. Probably that's related to how weird I am in general."

"You know, when I first moved here, I was like being taught the feelings wheel and stuff. Part of me is like, I'm not a child so there's no need to teach me kindergarten stuff, and part of me was like, wow, all these nice people want to talk about my feelings. And how to handle it when I get upset. Cool. Before that. I wouldn't say I was a feelings person, I was mostly a superheroes person. Because it's not like feelings are helpful, right? They just remind you of all this stuff you want that is probably sinful or you can't have because you're poor. Which, by the way, people in the country are poor. But they just say we're not gonna be reliant on any government handouts, they think it's totally cool to eat the same foods all the time and wear the same clothes. 

And I eventually got on board with the feelings even though it was hard. Like yeah, feelings are important, whoo. I started sharing and it was nice to be told I was normal. I thought I was becoming more like this place, I could recognize my emotions, I was one of you.

 And then it's like I was unleashed upon the world, and people didn't like that. So I must have crossed the line somewhere, but I don't know, am I supposed to go back?"

"Probably there's some place in the middle. Okay, this is our train, and we shouldn't talk about your family there." 

They ride back home. Ray departs first; Pax rides three more stops and then walks a couple blocks to their apartment.

Ray absolutely needs a hobby. Comic books count as a hobby but you have to actually think about them and not just how your parents were the worst.

It is not Pax's responsibility to help Ray. You can usually do more for your own mental health by engaging with therapy in good faith than attempting to help someone else. And worrying over other people doesn't feel good. That's why everyone has therapy and a meditation class and support groups, so you always know they're being looked out for and don't get dragged down. 

But Ray said their therapist wasn't helping. Or Ray was sabotaging the relationship somehow. Who knows, maybe mindfulness and acceptance and all those classic tools just don't work for them. Is that a way people can be weird? But if it were, they'd probably have done research into it.

It's a little harder to get to sleep tonight than usual. Maybe it's the chocolate ice cream.

Ray gets home, waits a heroic thirty minutes, and messages Pax.

hope you got home safe 

thanks for hanging out with me

you actually tell me when stuff i do is not good instead of ignoring 

wow... :)

Which Pax doesn't see until the next morning, because their settings automatically turn off most notifications around 10pm.

They need to get their day sorted so they don't watch aquarium videos and miss meditation class. How much will a quick reply increase the risk? Unclear.

thank you. accidents on public transit are very rare. main issue for me is the noise

hope the information is useful

Ray, meanwhile, has a new friend (maybe? is that a crazy hope?) and has not been messaged back in many hours. Probably because they said something so vile Pax will never want to see them. Maybe Pax even asked Leslie what Ray said that so bad and now they are texting about just that.

 A small part of Ray says the type of thing they are supposed to do techniques about. But how will deep breathing work during a genuine crisis like this?

It's totally ruining this ceramics class.The government is just handing Ray money to throw in a dumpster and then light on fire. 

When they hear the phone chime they lie about having to use the bathroom and then go look at their phone. 

It's like... four sentences. Both exciting because Pax isn't ignoring them. And if Pax is texting Ray then Pax can't be texting Leslie. Logically speaking.

But oddly disappointing. That it's just four sentences.

What words should Ray use to convey just how certified snazzy and cool the advice is? Pax probably knows a lot of fancy words. Are there any words related to turtles and shrimp that also mean cool, kind, or helpful? 

Ray stares at the messaging window and then writes,

it is extremely useful

[agender-2 emoji heart]

Okay, that flag's color palette is intolerable and Pax wants to get into vexillology just so they can design a better one. They've scrolled past enough tutorials to know how learnable a skillset it is.

...But that involves caring about agender-2 as a concept. And if people did adopt Pax's design that would make them, what, the designer of the agender-2 flag? 

Who even comes up with these flag designs anyway? They vaguely remember reading about a contest in a magazine when they were a kid, which was the last time there was a major update to gender categorization. They were a little confused about it back then and they're a lot confused about it now, when gender actually applies to them and they can't make it go away. 

The contest had seemed cool; Pax had thought a bit about submitting something and proving their mettle as an artist (and they could always say, I'm only 8!)

Back then, the idea of a new gender had seemed so fantastical and exciting. Like something out of science fiction! 

Being a kid was so much easier. 

Oh. Yeah. Ray thinks their advice is helpful.

Pax has never been the hugest fan of text messaging because it takes the problem of exiting and entering social interactions and jacks it up to one hundred, and also people can message them at any time which is very bad. So they simply text back thanks before checking the other inbox, where things break quickly if you do not respond. (In Pax's mind, they imagine this inbox as wearing a tie and a permanent >:( face.)

Aw okay. 

Meanwhile, Pax is heading to the bus stop with their headphones on listening to an ambient album they discovered last month, which very much has a kelp forest vibe.

You know what, on the way home, Ray is going to go to the used book store, the one with a better comics section than the one in their neighborhood.

Even with a whole nook(!) devoted to comics, in a part of the world that has its head on straight about such things, issues six and seven of Indigo Man are nowhere to be found. 

But hahaha they do have issue 11 of The Lotus Master, which Ray hasn't thought of in years. The series that tricked them into thinking meditation gave you badass powers and wasn't about wishing for all beings to have a cozy nap in a hammock. Imagine if Master Ren had responded that way when bandits threatened his village, or in one of the later issues with all the demon and ghost stuff. (That Ray always got extra nervous reading because if their parents saw the word demons Ray would surely regret it. No, it would not help if they explained that the hero was kicking demon butt. Only Jesus is allowed to kick demon butt. Also... some of the demon designs were really cool, or at least, Ray found themself staring at them a lot.)

 Oh holy smokes, is this the issue where Master Ren gets his disciple, the last scion of the evil clan? Ray has to buy it, and they'll tell the shopkeeper to contact them if any of the later issues come in. 

They get to go home and reread their comic without anybody calling them a sinner! Year in and out, comics are there for them.

The disciple, Li, leaves his clan behind and vows to never repeat their evils. But he has no idea how to accomplish that, so he travels to meet Master Ren and bows at his feet. Master Ren says no, he isn't looking for disciples. Perhaps this guy Li just wants to learn a new form of magic, betray Ren, and go back to his clan with the secrets.

Li leaves sadly. On his way into the mountains, he sees a small child fall into the river. The currents are strong. But he can't let an innocent being come to harm! He jumps in...

And manages to swim to shore holding the child, who obligingly doesn't struggle. As he sets them down on shore, the child vanishes into a puff of leaves!

"This is a deed of the brave, strong, and pure of heart." It's Master Ren, who has been hiding behind a tree! "Even though your clan had taught you their wicked ways, part of you has clearly remained noble. The question is... can we cultivate that part? Or will you succumb to the darkness?"

Li swears that he will do everything he can to confront the darkness in his soul, and Master Ren accepts him as a disciple on the condition he devote himself to nobility and good.

Yep, people, this is how you do a redemption arc correctly. The Lotus Master is such a ridiculously underrated comic series. Ray hasn't seen a lot of posts about it in online comics circles and clearly this needs to be rectified. But first Ray has to see if the appeal for their ban went through. Long story short, someone on this one forum reported them for "violating the rules" and the mod took the other person's side. Hopefully once Ray explains what actually happened they will be able to post again. Ray isn't going to just shut up and go away because someone doesn't like their opinion. Obviously they would stop if it were legitimately offensive! But this is probably someone who just doesn't like being told that their precious baby is actually a war criminal! Or someone who's posting weird stuff that comes as close to the line to saying they think a villain is sexually attractive as you can get on these forums. What in the sweet blue globe is wrong with people?

Ray has a new PM from a mod. Let's get this unbanning party started?

The mod says that they appreciate Ray's concern but that Ray should leave the modding to the mods. If they dislike something someone else says, remember to avoid making people feel personally attacked. 

The mod links to a pdf about I statements. Does Ray know that I statements are considered the gold standard of communication?

And there's a link to an AI chat bot Ray can practice with.

When you post that you want Scorpion Man from The Amazing Arthropod to kidnap you, you make me feel like I want to throw my phone out the window and cry.

That's a good try!

Ray doesn't feel like passing an I statement-based CAPTCHA today. Maybe one day they can make their own forum and ban anyone who posts bad things.