"Well, 'a woman who was maybe a duchess told me' doesn't have the same ring to it. What's it in your language?"

"Arial sazar." Which is accurate and not really a royal sort of title but if this person understands Sesati or even recognizes it that will be important information.

He pulls out his phone and transcribes it faithfully into his Tinder bio, without apparently recognizing the words at all. 

     "Jimenez!"

"I have one more minute, you controlling bitch!"

"She annoys me. So, what's Tinder?"

"You post pictures of yourself and a little bit about yourself and then you look at other profiles on the site and swipe to show whether you want to have sex with them or not. And if you said 'yes I want to have sex with this person' about someone's profile, and they said 'yes I want to have sex with this person' about you, then there you go. - Swiping is a prediction about whether you want to have sex but does not actually commit you to sex, usually you meet for drinks and have sex only if they don't smell weird or act frightening in person."

"Is that... is that kind of thing normal here?"

" - pretty damn normal, I think."

"For everyone or just for men?"

" - well if there weren't any women on the app it wouldn't be a lot of use to men, would it? I do think it's easier if you're a woman. You don't need any endorsements from a maybe-duchess."

It would make no sense to say the norms here seem less annoying, because in case this is a test she'd follow it up with even though I don't want to use Tinder myself, and there's no reason for it to be any harder to be known not to have casual sex here than it is to just not have casual sex... is that something she even could explain, and does she even want to try?

"I don't think we have Tinder where I'm from but maybe I just never happened to run into it. Doesn't sound like my thing but I hope you have fun."

"It's like playing the lottery. The odds are against you but playing's half the fun."

          "JIMENEZ!"

"Oh, fuck you, I'm coming."

She'll just stand around and wait for the police, then, and puzzle over the apparent implication that no one here has sex with people of the same gender. Is that just a way they're weird, like the honesty, or is it just a thing that happens when you have easy access to the opposite sex? It doesn't feel like it should be the second thing but who knows.

A few minutes later some cars with sirens and lights pull up at the front doors of the Costco.

What are those things. Are they the police. Are they magic. Are they magic police. Aaaaaaaaaaa? She's just going to stand here and look unintimidated.

They come stomping into the Costco. "We're looking for a girl who was kidnapped?"

    "Down that aisle, last I saw."

"Did you kidnap her?"

     "No."

"Hello, it's me you're looking for. I was brought here and left just outside mysteriously and now I don't have any idea how to get home."

"Huh," says the officer, looking her up and down. "Where were you grabbed from?"

"Leopard Hill in Sesat."

" - sorry, in where?"

"Sesat, a country, north - well, my part of it is north of Azan, some parts are due east of Azan, and west of Niazon, and south of Iral."

" - have most people in the FSA heard of those countries, because I haven't, and now I feel embarrassed and slightly annoyed with you for making me look dumb in front of my partner."

"I haven't heard of those places either except Iral, which is in Risk," says his partner.

"There's not much ongoing trade that I know of, I'm not shocked you don't know about it. How would you get to Iral from here?"

"Uh, I haven't played Risk in a long time, but I'm pretty sure Iral was in Russia? So, uh, you'd fly out of Francisco International Airport, probably to ....uh, if I had to guess I'd guess Vladivostok but only because it's the only Russian city not in Europe I can think of right now."

"Thank you!" Stars, did that work? That worked! "Can you tell me where Francisco International Airport is from here?"

"Uh, you can get on the BART at Leandro and then it takes about an hour but it stops right at the airport. You will also, of course, need to buy a plane ticket, if you don't have one, and a passport, for international travel."