"sdfjhBKLDFK?" says Alice, or someone who is at least partially Alice.

"Uh," says Zaid, or someone who is at least partially Zaid. He somewhat absently lets his hands fall away from their previous locations.

Oh damn, did the thing that just happened to her not just happen to—

"...soooo," he says, "did you just get hit with some kind of alternate universe past life memory where we never dated because you were busy getting kidnapped by slavers from Barbarian Fairyland and I was busy making a deal with the devil for sketchy superpowers?"

...ah. Okay. Cool. Good.

"Yes," she says. "That definitely just happened. Care to speculate about what the fuck?"

"I got nothin."

Slight pause.

"...man, we were in college, both of us. That's weird."

"It's not really the weirdest part."

Snort. "True."

"...man, I remember trusting you a weird amount," she says. "Like. You had that whole thing with—I didn't exactly ask, but—"

He winces. "Yeah I sure did have a whole thing. I don't super wanna talk about it, to be honest. But - no, you're right, the other you did trust the other me more." His hands are retreating farther.

"...I will admit that the fact that they were in no danger of having sex probably helped but I'm not gonna break up with you quite that fast, mister," she says, pulling him firmly into a cozy hug.

"Oh." Tentative smile. "I—yeah. Okay."

Cozy hug.

It is at this point that they may notice that they are suddenly not alone.

The thing standing behind them is tall. At least seven feet. It's clad in thick plate armor, and its helmet has mostly opaque lenses over the eyes and mouth. It is pierced in a dozen places, and bleeding - the blood is red, for what it's worth. There is a dazzling halo above its head.

It says something entirely incomprehensible, and tilts its head minutely to one side.

"...what the shit???"

Competing instincts war within him about how best to Protect Girlfriend; he freezes up instead of doing anything useful.

Alice is more in accord with herself about how to handle this situation. She sits up and says, "Hey, fuck off!"

The inclination of its head takes on a decidedly sardonic tone.

"KING," it says. A small, featureless key appears, floating above its outstretched palm.

Then it says another untranslatable thing as a small army of creatures bursts through the wall. They wear armor covered in metallic thorns, and they ride on the backs of... demons? Creatures like a cross between a mastiff and a grossly deformed human being, on all fours, the size of horses, with skulls rather than faces.

Their leader beheads the figure as it passes, and seizes Zaid by the back of his jacket.

It is at this point that Alice's instincts fail her, because April could totally have snapped a post off the bed and whacked the lead demonrider across the back of the head with it, but Alice doesn't nearly have that kind of upper body strength, and the failed attempt wastes time she doesn't have.

"Gimme back my BOYFRIEND you DICK!"

It does not deign to reply. Instead, it tosses Zaid onto the back of its mount, and rides off... into the horizon... of her bedroom?

Within moments, it's gone.

Incoherent furious hissing—

—for about a quarter of a second before she abruptly remembers the first guy, the beheaded one. There was some kind of key? She wants that. And she might be able to learn something from looting the body. She scrambles toward it.

It's still standing, actually. Its neck-stump is a red ruin, bleeding freely; still, it stands and waits.

As she comes closer, it moves.

Specifically, the hand holding the key shoves it into her forehead.

(It doesn't hurt. - that's not accurate, it actually hurts immensely. But it doesn't feel like she's having a key shoved through her skull. It feels more like she just drank a cup of boiling coffee through her third eye, and it's traveling through her entire body.)

Oh, still capable of taking volitional actions, are you? Then "fucking EXPLAIN this shit," she demands immediately. And, anticipating the first objection she'd have if someone wanted her to talk while her head was cut off, she looks around for the head to see about grabbing it and maybe lifting it back into place.

The head is lying on her carpet, still encased in its weird helmet. It burbles with wet laughter.

"KING," it repeats. "ALLISON."

As she picks it up, it laughs again.

"THRONE."

"The fuck are you talking about?" she says, lifting the head to a conversational height and trying to let the immediacy of her angry confusion carry her through the aftermath of whatever the fuck that key did to her. "That's not either of my names. What king? Whose fucking throne?"

The helmet vanishes, leaving her holding the head of a man, well into maturity but still strong and handsome. He meets her eyes.

"Angels. Failed. Will. Return."

"Go."

"...fine," she says, tucking the head under her arm so she can grab her coat without dropping it, "but you're coming with me."