"Jagganoth is a monster of ceaseless fury. He is a warrior perhaps on par with my grandsire, and his ultimate goal is the destruction of all that is. His existence is tolerated by the rest of the Seven because they know that if they were to turn on him, nothing would stop them from devouring each other in turn."

"Incubus is a pretender to royalty and the lowest sort of scum. No one respects him, and for good reason. He has some measure of psionic power, and he is a passing swordsman, but he is barely tolerated."

"And... there is a seventh, but I shudder to speak its name even under protection. The Queen of Worms, the Great Devourer. Its only saving grace is that it does not care. About anything. It likes to be a celebrity, a source of amusement. While its wants are indulged, it is... as safe as anything is."

...Alice and April are in agreement that if they ever get the chance to invite Tarn into this reality, they should egg him on to fight Solomon David. Because it would be fucking awesome is why.

"What is, actually, the reason why nobody respects Incubus?"

"As I said, he is a pretender to royalty. He did not earn his Key, or his place, or - anything, ever, in his life. He is a poison which tarnishes all it touches."

Esther spits on the ground, then mutters something to make it vanish.

"...do you see how, from my perspective, that's not, like, information—like, I got a key literally handed to me when I had no idea what it even was, and yet you don't spit on the floor when you talk about me, so, clearly there's something more to it—and valid to want to talk about something else if this one guy just really ticks you off, but I'm still curious about what his deal is. And I guess I'm also concerned because the guy who handed me the key advised me that if I want to solve the problem that brought me here I should become royalty, and I have no idea how to do that and apparently if you do it the wrong way people get really mad."

Esther closes her eyes and inhales through her nose.

"The court of Incubus is a midden, rotting from the inside, populated by those he has addicted to loving him. His armies are of the desperate and pathetic, whom he has given hollow strength and broken to his will. His worlds are ravaged by civil wars which he does not care enough to quell. He takes, and takes, and does nothing with it. He pities himself that no one gives him respect, and does nothing to earn it. The state of Royalty is not this. Royalty is taking the world around you and making it what you will; Incubus takes the world around him and makes it as degraded as he is. Is this a clearer explanation?"

"Yeah, thanks, I feel very informed now." Perhaps Tarn should meet this guy, too. No, she should stop wishing Tarn on people like a plague.

"You are welcome. As you say, he really ticks me off."

"I can see why!"

There's a moment of silence as Esther sips her coffee.

"Was there anything else you wanted to know?" she asks finally. "The Seven are probably the most important information I can give you, but that hardly means they're the only thing you could be confused about."

"Honestly I'm confused about more things than I think one conversation can solve. But all right. I guess the next big thing is... so I've been advised to become royalty. What would that even mean, how would I do it, what are the consequences of trying?"

"Hmm." Sip. "A difficult question. Royalty is - well. There are a thousand books on the nature of true royalty, many of them self-contradictory. The better-respected ones agree that royalty, at its heart, is a continuous cutting motion, to quote Lord Intra - an ancient demiurge not otherwise of particular relevance. This is often taken to mean that royalty is thoughtless perfection in some art. The state in which one cannot be out-thought, because one is not thinking. However, royalty is often called a burden as well."

The waitress, a blue-skinned devil, comes by with a refill. Esther closes her eyes. "I speak now from Meti's Sword Manual - the thoughts of one my grandsire called the greatest blademaster of all time. To train with the sword, first master sweeping. When you have mastered sweeping, you must master the way of drawing water. Once you have learned how to draw water, you must split wood. Once you have split wood, you must learn the arts of finding the fine herbs in the forest, the arts of writing, the arts of paper making, and poetry writing. You must become familiar with the awl and the pen in equal measure. When you have mastered all these things you must master building a house. Once your house is built, you have no further need for a sword, since it is an ugly piece of metal and its adherents idiots."

"Why would the master of the blade despise it? Why does perfection bring suffering? This is one of the koans central to royalty."

"...huh. That's... not what I expected."

Honestly it sounds like whoever Meti is, they'd have a great time hanging out with Tarn. It can't possibly be as simple as just 'keep going What Would Tarn Do until all your problems are solved', can it? Like, can it???

"...don't suppose Meti's Sword Manual is, like, a book, that I can find a copy of, and read, without having to go on a quest about it first?"

"It is. You could likely find a copy in a used bookstore in Throne if you cared to - hmm, I can't imagine you've got any hard currency or trade goods..."

She considers, then removes a jeweled ring from her pinky finger and hands it over. "Here. If you find a pawnbroker who won't cheat you outrageously, this should be worth as much as you'll realistically need for a while. Consider it a test of your skills - and additional payment for a very interesting conversation."

"Fair!" She pockets the ring. "Any other sage advice or interesting trivia for me?"

Esther thinks about it.

"If you meet God on the road, kill him? It's the best I can think of at the moment."

"...is that more of a metaphorical piece of advice, or..."

Esther chuckles. "It's a koan. I happen to like them. Now, if you'll excuse me, I should go meet with Mother Om's lackeys. Being a certain amount late is a power play, but leave it too long and you begin to look sloppy."

"Good luck, have fun, don't die!"

"The same to you. I hope we meet again." Esther rises from her seat, hands the demon waitress a few coins, and makes her exit. 

Okay.

So. Time to take a deep breath, emulate April emulating Tarn, and go looking for a pawnbroker and then a used bookstore? Yeah, sounds good.

She will rapidly encounter the problem that she does not actually read the local language. No one appears to have English signage as a priority. Well, except this... statue? Surrounded by signage in a thousand different scripts. English is not prominently represented, but it's there: a sign reading "translation service".

The statue is of a gender-neutral figure in a lotus posture, its hands in strange mudra.

"Translation service?" she inquires of it.

Its eyes snap open, lit with blue flame. "Yes. It has been some time since anyone required my aid."