"I think you'd win that competition."

"What's it like?"

"It's very-- you remember that one person, who 'couldn't hug every cat?' It's like that."

"I don't remember that."

"It was an internet video-- anyway, everyone's so-- nice? Like, all of them? ... I have a crush on literally everyone."

"And that differs from the previous state of things how?"

"I could probably list the number of people I was crushing on on one hand, before? It's... A little overwhelming. In a good way."

"Wait, wait, who did you have a crush on? Other than me, everyone has a crush on me."

"The time between when I met them and had sex with them is probably too short for Nie Huaisang to count..."

"The Nie Huaisang story."

"I still can't quite believe they said yes."

"Well, would you say not to sex with anyone?"

"--I mean, no, not now, but I am a sex wizard?"

"They just have that naturally. Except that they're gay, I guess."

"They're a much more natural pick for the role."

"You don't know. Maybe sex wizardry runs on repression."

"Or maybe you need to be the sort of person who'd say yes to being a... joy wizard, but isn't nearly one already." Though repression makes as much sense.

"I don't know if they're almost one already."

"They literally agreed to have sex in a changing room with someone they met a few hours ago?"

"Being a slut doesn't make you a joy wizard. It has to be all-- spreading joy more generally, right?"

"I guess there was the cake quest. And the talking to things and wearing nice clothes quests."

"Nie Huaisang isn't really out for anyone but Nie Huaisang."

"They're not... Completely selfish." Says the man who has a crush on every human on the planet.

"They're completely selfish in an enlightened way where they realize they'll get more things they like if people like them."

"... Okay, that's fair."