Whaddaya say, kid, want to get the fuck out of here?

She thought her dream boyfriend would never ask. 

Boop. 

And suddenly Tetula has a new affordance. She can reach out and-- she wants this one, and this one, and this one-- and she wants to get out of here, she wants to leave--

Then she wakes up for real.

She still has the new affordance. It is sort of, but not entirely, quite unlike casting a spell

She casts one of the small ones, the ones she can recast as much as she wants.

And now she will have to explain the presence of two gallons of water on her floor. 

She's a cleric!!!!! She's her dream boyfriend's cleric!!!!!

She somehow suspects that her dream boyfriend is not an approved non-heretical god. 

If anyone finds out, she's going to get Maledicted, which is not ideal. 

She needs to get out of Cheliax before she runs into a cleric or, worse, an inquisitor who can detect her shiny new cleric aura. 

She doesn't think she can escape from Cheliax by herself. Not with nothing but the ability to cast cantrips, Create Water, and a single Cure Light Wounds per day. 

But she's at wizard school in Cheliax. Anyone who wants to escape from Cheliax would already have been beaten out of their heresy. She needs someone else who can notice obvious truths about the world (your best interests aren't served by being in Cheliax as opposed to literally anywhere else) and who is Cunning enough not only to be a wizard but to beat Detect Thoughts.  

(It isn't that hard to beat Detect Thoughts. Tetula's strategy is being widely considered a moron, so people skimp on the Detect Thoughts because who is going to be planning heresy, Tetula? She is going to be too busy contemplating the ephemeral beauty in every moment or something wimpy and pathetic like that. But somehow most people aren't as good at things as Tetula is.) 

She considers all her classmates, prays to her dream boyfriend for guidance, remembers she has divine guidance or rather Guidance, casts it in case it helps, considers all her classmates again, and then--

-a familiar head peaks up over her windowsill. "Hi Tetula! You always got along with Luka and Melosa, right? The ones on the privation detail?"

Renzio - Renzy, when the other students are feeling cruel but not at all creative - is a solid student. Great grades on the theoretical side, though for all that it took a long time to hang his first cantrip. Kind of annoying, tends to poke his nose into people's business more than he should, and he doesn't fight back so he's a popular target if you just need to take it all out on someone. He does run a study group that's kinda nice, both because he's a decent math tutor and because there's enough people that even if he can't teach you, he'll know who can, and what person they owe that needs to learn something you're good at. One of the only other pupils of Ostenso Academy to have any interest in obtaining a familiar. Total teacher's pet.

Also currently hanging on to Tetula's windowsill, which is on, what, the third or fourth floor?

"I'm not sure where to start, but maybe- Hi Tetula! Wanna make a deal? You don't have to if you don't want to."

That is the most unAsmodean sentence she's ever hear--

That is the most unAsmodean sentence she's ever heard.

Thanks, dream boyfriend!

"Yes! I strongly suspect I have a better counterproposal, but I want to hear yours first."

"I want to know the source of your suspicion! But mine is- I at first just planned to sneak some bread in. That worked. They didn't have water either and it's hard to carry. So I broke them out to enough to get to the well. But, well, we're out and nobody's noticed, and there's more students in there than we were told. I don't think school is a good trade for them, and that's pretty important actually? We're leaving, and I have surprising reasons to think you should come with us. This is stupidly dangerous and obviously we're all going to get recaptured and dragged back and it'll be even worse."

He must have his feet planted in some missing brick under her window she's never seen. 

"It is a vital principle that people not be trapped and unable to go to where their work will be more rewarded, that they try and improve their lives."

He's smiling? Why is he so cheerful.

"So what's your counterproposal?"

It is pretty obvious why he's so cheerful! He's planning to escape Cheliax!

"Oh, essentially that proposal. It turns out that a recurring character in my sex dreams is capable of giving cleric levels and I don't think he's a non-heretical god."

She says this with a completely straight face in the manner of someone remarking that the dinner today was underspiced, perhaps to give everyone Prestidigitation practice.

"That's a better counterproposal! You'll be even more useful in getting us all out. I was coming to you because I think I might have just gotten clericed, and part of the vision was you'd be a good person to trade with. I'm pretty sure mine's non-heretical, but you're really supposed to get dispensation first and I obviously didn't."

"Excellent! Who's yours?"

"Abadar! What is yours like, sex dreams means. . . Sheyln? A lady with long brown hair?"

"A man with short brown hair but I guess Shelyn could be a man... anyway, I'm probably Evil, so I don't think Shelyn can reach me. Maybe a demon lord of some sort? I think dream sex is much more demon lord behavior than god behavior."

"I can keep coming up with ideas but maybe we should do that when you've got your things together? The climb down isn't too hard but it'll be hard to bring anything too heavy. Your cloak for sure."

Tetula begins packing up her spellbook, some clothes, food for her familiar. 

"I guess it could be Belial? It would be very awkward if I became a cleric of Belial and then escaped from Cheliax, when I could have just found a random village that didn't have a cleric and encouraged its residents to have very interesting sex lives."

"I had not previously been considering what kind of sex dreams as evidence. If Belial is a consideration, maybe Norgorber? I wouldn't have thought of him as sex dreams but coming to you in the night, and the description makes sense. How sure are you that you're Lawful?" Asks the boy about to stage a breakout, to the girl helping him without an apparent second thought.

"Whenever we read about Law puzzles in theology class, I think to myself 'this is stupid. Instead of being extremely tricky with the exact words of my oaths, I could break them, and I don't really care if people know that I will predictably hurt them if they do things I don't want.' So I figure I'm Neutral or Chaotic."

"Yeah that would do it. Uh, if you think you're all the way over in Chaotic Evil, it might be Nephthys? That would make some sense, both she and Abadar are Osirion deities. I don't know if it works like this, but do you ever feel like you're drunk or otherwise like your mind is going weird when you're having these dreams, there's a story she seduced Osiris with wine one time. . ." His chipper voice takes on a concerned tone. "Hey, if you're chaotic does that mean our deal is off and you're going to turn me in?"

"You can't rely on my word, but you can rely on my self-interest. I, like any person who has thought about it, want to get out of Cheliax. And while I can get around my word with tricky word games, I can't get around my self-interest in any way other than getting what I want."

"On my Law, I'll trade my help getting you out for your help getting these students out. You can still trust my Lawfulness even if you aren't Lawful yourself, right?"