"I just want to sit with you, so if under a vent is where you want to be then that's where I'll go."

He has enough ranged spells he can probably deal with whatever comes out of any vents any time.

"Don't want to per se but I do not observe better seating that isn't infested with cheering fans."

Lex prods a nearby chair and checks over its environs. Satisfied of the absence of mals, he takes a seat.

"Don't be mean," he says, taking the seat next to Lex.

Then frowning, standing up, climbing on top of his seat, and sending a gust of frigid air up the vent. Satisfied that that has dealt with whatever was there, he lowers back down to his seat.

"If I can't be mean what in the living breathing fuck do you want from me," Lex mutters, snatching his assignment slip out of the air. He scans it distractedly, making noises of disgust with increasing frequency. 

"Be mean to me instead!" he says brightly, standing up again when he notices he actually sat on his assignment slip. "What horrors has the school bestowed upon you this time?"

"Take a look."

In lieu of the standard lead-to-gold potion, a concoction that will convert a human being injected to a golden statue. An alchemical accelerant which burns through flesh and leaves a perfectly bleached skeleton behind. A potion which, flung like a grenade, emits fumes in a fifty-foot radius that cause horrific, bone-snapping convulsions.

He wrinkles his nose. "Does that first one only work on humans? And what does the second one do to mals?"

"The first one looks rather human-specific, and the second one I imagine would do to mals exactly what it does to humans, namely incinerate the fleshy or gooey bits and leave potentially useful bones behind, which means -" he circles it "- that it will be this week's project."

The slip vanishes, replaced by a stack of yellowing parchment. "Oh, and fuck you too, madame Schol," he says, reaching out to start leafing carefully through the sheaf.

Scorpius grins and shakes his head, patting Lex's thigh as he circles his own choice: a molotov cocktail potion of sorts, except instead of 'set on fire and explode' it's 'imbue with mana, choose a damage type, and then explode'.

"Don't you have enough ways to - oh, the hypocrisy would kill me," Lex mutters, perusing the ingredient list. "It looks like once again I will be bleeding for my art, though this one only wants seven drams."

"—once again? And you skip meals???" Scorpius practically hisses. "Higgins what the fuck," he says, although he does make sure to say it in a low enough volume that no one else heard it. This was a situation that called for a last name.

"Eat when hungry," Lex says. "Shockingly, my appetite increases when I have been bled. The system maintains itself."

He narrows his eyes at Lex for a second or two before shaking his head and starting on his own assignment. "Whatever you say."

"Not going to force your blood on me like some kind of deranged reverse-vampire? I'm disappointed, they'll decanonize you."

"No, I am instead going to take this excuse to sit with you at lunch and make sure you're good on your word," he says, primly.

"Bastard."

Ingredients ingredients ingredients. "Ugh, it wants aconite. You'd think someone would have a hydroponics lab for it at the rate it's called for..."

"...gonna let you try to guess how often it's called for in other kids' projects, given that I just said this."

"Shit, really? Ugh. I should've been trading for it this whole time. Maybe I should have you look over the whole list."

He offers his right hand, using the left one to stir and keeping an eye on his own project. He's at a bit of a sensitive part on his assignment.

Lex hands it over once he's determined that the sensitive part is over, thank you very much.

"You may be a killing machine but I'm reasonably sure you're still capable of losing a hand in a lab accident," he observes. "I don't care that you're a god among men, you don't stir one-handed."

"Aww, you care about my wellbeing, I'm touched," he says, and even though it's kind of a mocking sentence all over he still sounds... genuine? "Anyway, this one's playing all the way into my affinity, Lex. Surely you also have your instincts kicking in when you get all of those tools of mass destruction?"

"I suppose. Anyway, go ahead and look over my recipe of mass destruction and I'll... twiddle my thumbs, I suppose, I so rarely get a chance to actually twiddle my thumbs."

This boy is extremely cute and he is feeling like kissing him an unreasonable amount.

He will read the recipe instead.

The Flaym of Purgeing

Whenn ye Plage fyrst strukk ye publick, I myself had liwed hardely three and tenn Yearf...

"I don't know why alchemists always think you want to know their life story," Lex observes. "I could not possibly care less about this asshole. Ingredients start on the fourth page."

1 (One) Skull of childe

2 (Two) pynch saltes of Sulphurick Acid and Bitter Lye

3 (Three) Aconite bloomes, powdered

4 (Four) graines Burnt Lime

5 (Five) scruples good Wine

6 (Six) pyntes purest Water

7 (Seven) drachm Vyrgin's Blodd

"The child skull thing is another bit I'm assuming isn't widespread. I've got one from a veal calf that works fine."

"Sulfur and lye see uses, mostly for stuff with fire and explosives, everything else seems mostly normal, except obviously for the blood. And I could definitely not offer my blood, here," and he looks at Lex for a split second from the corner of his eyes before saying, "and maybe I'll manage to get your blood to stop counting before the end of term."