This post has the following content warnings:
someone needs to tell first age exalted ellie and fate that you're not supposed to select the same person for all of "bed, wed, behead"
Next Post »
+ Show First Post
Total: 1766
Posts Per Page:
Permalink

"That is not particularly a goal I would have for this project, I think."

Permalink

Giggle. "Not at all." Kiss!

Permalink

Kiss! And further cuddles.

Permalink

Gleam throws herself into thinking about child raising with her usual energy, though she seems more... Focused and serious, perhaps, than normal. She starts meditating more, starts keeping a journal of her moods and thoughts. Grows more thoughtful, more deliberate in her actions. 

Their friends and acquaintances are helpful, here, and quite willing to talk and length to whichever woman asks about childcare (especially if the couple babysits for a little; Gleam comments, once, that Blessed Isle families make raising children take way more work than it needs to, since this level of effort and exhaustion isn't something she's hearing about from families in her own realm).

And, one day, she leans against Elathea and asks, "Have you thought more about having kids?"

Permalink

"Mm. Somewhat, yes."

Permalink

"Oh?"

Permalink

"A child of our body... I like the idea. What we've heard and seen of the task of raising one... doable."

Permalink

"So you wouldn't want to adopt?"

Permalink

"It wouldn't be my first choice."

Permalink

"Which of us would be getting pregnant, then?"

Permalink

"We could do one each."

Permalink

"Oooooo."

"At the same time?"

Permalink

"I think that would be- nice."

Permalink

Kiss!!!

Permalink

Kiss.

Permalink

"Love you," she says. 

"I'm very sure I want to - but there are some things I'd like to work on first. Just - to be prepared."

Permalink

"What sorts of things?"

Permalink

Hum. And, a bit slowly: "We fight a lot. We always make up, and come out stronger for it, but..."

"It feels different when you're a kid, you know? Having - people angry around you, or shouting, or acting unpredictably. And - you learn that anger, and it takes a really long time to learn to be anything but angry, even if there was also joy."

"I get angry." It sounds - almost raw. Gleam's expression goes briefly drawn. "Real angry, and I feel like I'm losing control of myself - sometimes I'll say or do something before I realize, and then I'll realize I'm shouting and I won't know why, and then I'll - realize my anger has overflown."

"I never want to - be left standing in the quiet after the storm and only then realize I've been shouting at my child."

She rubs her forearm then, fidgeting. "And we've never really hurt each other, but, kids aren't born knowing they're safe, you know? And I don't want them to be scared, ever." (Her hand tightens around her arm, fingers whitening - Elathea had grabbed her there a few weeks ago hard enough to leave a serious bruise during one of their arguments. It'd healed quickly, of course, and they'd made up, of course, and Gleam's never been shy of the pain...) (She has no idea why she sometimes finds herself grabbing her arm there, except she kind of does.)

A small hitch in her breathing, then, quietly: "And it's not just me. I don't - want you to ever have to realize you're being cruel only when your child bursts into tears. I don't want our kids to ever feel like they need to run away."

(It's not uncommon for their arguments to end only when Gleam bursts into tears, or they've spent a few hours or days apart to calm down.)

"And... Some of our friends were saying that - kids make you angry. Of course you'll shout at your kids, it's normal, they'll turn out just fine anyways and discipline is good for them, a bit of fear to let them know what they shouldn't do protects them - kids are horrible and stressful, and they'll try to manipulate you, and it's really only reasonable to get angry about it - "

She curls into a ball, hugging herself. And then, so quietly Elathea can barely hear her: 

"I don't want to be a mom if all that's true. I don't want kids to have to exist in a world like that."

She falls silent, gaze down. 

Permalink

"If you do not want that, I will make it not happen."

Permalink

She smiles again and kisses Elathea. "Best wife ever."

Permalink

Kiss.

"We will need control strategies then, emotional management tactics, conflict resolution. I will see about developing some approaches, and then perhaps a trial period? Say, six months."

Permalink

"Alright. Six months with no real fights." Kiss. "Better than we've managed in a while, but... Doable with some work."

Permalink

"We have a reason to work. Two, even."

Permalink

Giggle kiss. "All the motivation we could ever need."

"Thank you, darling."

Permalink

"Anything for you, dear."


Elathea does come up with plans- mindfulness, exercise, meditation, journaling, preemptive discussion- talking them over with Gleam, of course, but putting these into practice is... harder. She's always had the tendency to snap abruptly, when they fight. Now, when she manages to head off one explosion, it seems like her fuse for the next is that much shorter. The first two attempts at a trial period last eight and three weeks respectively. She gets to the point of disappearing into her workshop for longer and longer stretches- can't fight if they don't interact- but this isn't a real solution.

Total: 1766
Posts Per Page: