Aug 03, 2021 8:37 PM
in principle I think you should be able to guess the entire premise from the title
+ Show First Post
Total: 1105
Posts Per Page:
Permalink

"You could give me rules for summoning apsels in a non-murderous sort of way, so if something happens I could get you back."

Permalink

"If you want to deploy me at the Worldwound you probably don't want me bound harmless."

Permalink

"- I wasn't planning to ask you to kill demons. That's not really - I mean, there are lots of demons and I'm sure you could make short work of them, but I'm pretty unsure what'd happen if we just flattened everything in the rift area. I was just thinking we'd - pay people. Go drop some nice gear and nice food on all of them, announce that now, working at the Worldwound is the best paid job in the world, courtesy of you, big bonuses if they figure out how to decrease the contested surface area, pay in spellsilver or diamonds as requested, diamonds on demand for resurrection for anyone killed in the line of duty. Word'll get out that the Worldwound pays well, high level adventurers who currently drop by whenever they want to grind Good but spend most of their time doing things that pay better will be there full time instead, they'll close it themselves. The Crusades made a lot of progress, the problem was just that no one in the world was rich enough to fund that forever. And if we do it this way we'll make lots of friends, lots of powerful people will be invested in our continuing to remain alive, anyone contemplating assassinating or otherwise fucking with us will have tons of powerful enemies..."

Permalink

"I guess that you could do that with a standard circle. One issue is that if I give you a standard circle, if anyone got it from you, or scried it, or anything, they could use it, and if they, say, had you coerced or mind controlled, you'd look like the summoner if I checked before answering, and then there I'd be all trussed up and not so many options. I will however give you a circle for me unbound." He hands her one, rolled up on paper.

Permalink

She unrolls it, studies it, nods. "Thank you. Let's arrange that resurrection insurance, then, and then there's less than can go wrong."

Permalink

"Sure, you wanna land in Sothis or what?"

Permalink

"Or outside it, yeah. I haven't already burned my Dim Doors today so I can hop in, hopefully no incidents with local law enforcement. Of course, decent odds they won't sell to me on the grounds that I'm a woman, but it seems worth a shot."

Permalink

"I could come along if that's a concern."

Permalink

"I guess you could." She looks at him appraisingly. "If we break the law they might well put you in an antimagic field as a first line of response. I can probably Dim Door us out if things look bad but it'd be best to just follow the rules."

Permalink

"Are they especially onerous in some way? What am I going to do, shoplift?"

Permalink

"They have slavery and I don't know very much about what Chaotic Good people do but freeing slaves is definitely a thing they do. And if it's what you want to do I can figure out how to enable your hobbies but this would be a bad time."

Permalink

"I will not go on a sudden slave-freeing rampage. I suppose if I see anybody actively hitting one I'll be tempted to douse the assailant in fish sauce."

Permalink

Probably that is as harmless an outlet for chaoticness as can be expected. "I will not weep for them."

Permalink

"But will the law enforcement of Sothis, that's the question." He looks up the legal code. And turns the ship Osirianward.

Permalink

"In most places you are not allowed to assault people with conjured substances and I would be surprised to learn Osirion were an exception but if I apologize and pay to clean their clothes and am like 'he's my chaotic outsider, sorry' people will probably not involve the police."

Permalink

"Hopefully nobody will be very sauceably harming anyone on our excursion."

Permalink

"People do not generally, uh, beat their siaves in the streets, though I've never been to Osirion. Probably in Osirion they are more likely to beat their wives in the streets."

Permalink

"Also a potentially sauceable offense!"

Permalink

"The difference between wives and slaves in Osirion is awfully unclear anyway. But if you sauce people over beating their wives it will be very counterproductive, as the wife will have to do the laundry afterwards."

Permalink

"You could let me replace the clothes outright?" he suggests.

Permalink

This is stupid but on the other hand, rapport, and 'get mad at people for beating their wives' is a charming way for someone to be chaotic good. "But then everyone in Osirion will be incentivized to have you catch them beating their wives!"

Permalink

"Hmm, that's true. Maybe the replacement clothes could say I BEAT MY WIFE, I SUCK."

Permalink

"They don't speak Taldane in Osirion. I guess maybe that makes it funnier."

Permalink

He machine-translates it into Osirian. "It could say this! Of course, it might have some machine translation error, such as actually saying, 'I DEFEATED MY WIFE AT SPORTS, I USE STRAWS' but they seem like good capitalists in Osirion so probably we can pay someone to go over it."

Permalink

Carissa hopes this does not actually happen, it seems like it would be terrible for everyone involved who isn't a Chaotic outsider, but it does seem like it wouldn't cause much lasting harm. "Sure. We can ask at the temple where we get the resurrection insurance."

Total: 1105
Posts Per Page: