"They're personality based, I guess. Soul programs. And if you- Okay, so you would- But that's not the-! Rrrgh!" He rubs his hands over his face.

"Slow down and give me full sentences please, I'm trying to help. What's the trouble?"

"I," he bites out after a deep breath, blushing, "Am a virgin."

"And you can remain one if you want to. Were you not paying attention? I can hold your hand and... entertain myself... and that'll be enough to restore you."

"That's- I did not think of that. But that's still almost as much internal screaming as before! I know I'm being - something - irrational right now, I know I'll need a lot of, restores, before all's said and done, but I can't just turn that off."

"I could give you the room for a while and let you restore it yourself, but you're going to want the... more advanced methods."

"I don't think I'm capable of that right now. Maybe if I calm the hell down. It's not like I don't want to. It's just - alarm bells and cultural baggage and ugh. I'm sorry."

"It's cool. Just, you're going to be kind of useless if you can't get back your core draw."

"I'm the wrong person for this. A spineless neurotic asocial nerd. But. Not acceptable. And if you eliminate the unacceptable..."

Sigh.

"...What even is a flow state?"

"It's when you get really into something and it becomes your whole world for a little bit. It's possible to get them for intellectual work as well, but for some reason that doesn't trigger the Passion Core."

He wants to pace but this room is not really big enough for that.

"I probably shouldn't be ranting at you like you're a therapist. Even if I could kind of use one I think."

He stands with his back against the wall and stares at the opposite wall.

"...I could hold your hand and think while you - have fun. I - I - guess there's probably a cheap contraceptive Hymnos? Do you guys have - infections other than the Corruptors, at all?" Wait, Administrative Body would make that not a concern anyway.

"Heartsongs make that kind of minor self-modification relatively trivial, for rel'he at least. It's like setting a flag. Heartsongs generally preserve the body well against attack or wear - not indefinitely, but the average el'he lives to about 150. The average rel'he lives to 200. Shaldea can live until killed. Usually by magical accident."

"That's nice. I wish we had that. People live to be... Eighty, a hundred, at most, at home. If we're even talking about the same years."

"Our calendar's got three hundred forty days per year? And you can see how long a day is for yourself."

He's crying.

Why is he crying?

Well. Because he's supposed to save a fucking world. Because he's been given phenomenal power, locally, and that means attention which he can't handle, and responsibility which he doesn't deserve.

Because he's been hit by a fucking truck and he is dead and this is a fever dream of his brain as he fades out, or an afterlife, and he'll never see his friends or family again, and Mom will be so crushed, Dad doesn't deserve that and-

It's just too much. So now he's sitting on the floor of a girl's room, crying.

She hugs him. 

And then she remembers herself. "Oh, sorry -" 

She pulls back. "All a bit much, huh?"

"I-" Sniff. "Yeah, it's just... I died. And then I woke up in a steel box with a disembodied voice singing to me about shaldea and Corruptors and- I'm not supposed to be weak enough to cry... But I think a hug is actually okay."

"Okay." Firm hug.

Hugs are an acceptable thing to want, when so much else isn't. Even if the 'so much else isn't' is mostly composed of stupid societal expectations. It's surprisingly comforting. Even if he doesn't actually know Hannah. Even if she's probably only helping him because he's a shaldea.

He thinks for ten seconds before awkwardly hugging back with one arm. Still feels like he's about to cry at any moment.

She settles in next to him on the floor and leans her head on his shoulder.

"I get it. Really I do. And if you want me to go away and give you time to process then I will. Do you want some food?"

"I don't know what I want. I don't know you, don't know anyone here..."

"Food... Would be nice. Sorry."

"Focus on the simple things, it'll help." 

She gets up, and goes out the door.

His head thunks against the wall.

He's looking at the vehicle-platform code again when she comes back. A page of the notepad is half covered in symbols that aren't in her language or the singers' language.

Hannah comes back with a saucy sandwich in a bun. "Oh, working something up? Cool. Can you translate for me?"

"Sure! This is - calculus. I'm trying to create a mathematical function that will tell you how much distance you need to stop given the acceleration curve. It's basically just integration. Uh, mind if I eat first though? Do you know calculus?"