"...tell me what to have instead of a crisis?" he says, tentatively. "I don't, I don't have anything to replace it with."

"Have... a... moment of sober reflection, I guess? Any other - juxtapositions that seem awkward. It's - I don't expect you to remember every little thing that didn't seem important at the time, you don't take notes like me and even I miss stuff. It was just disquieting and at a bad moment."

"A-are you gonna leave? I should drive you home or, or I could get you a taxi—"

"I... probably won't sleep over but I haven't decided on an exact itinerary."

Now he finally looks up at Haru but he has an expression like Haru's grown a second head. "Huh?"

"...did you not hear me or is there something confusing about me not planning to sleep over but not having decided on an exact itinerary -"

"I—yes there is something confusing—you don't need to stay to—be kind or manage me—I can pull myself together—"

"...I kind of don't believe you and even if I did I'm not, like, calling off all the everything, it was a short term mood killer, we can try again tomorrow."

He blinks, slowly, and then several expressions fight over his face until the one that wins over seems to be—annoyance? And he—

—closes his eyes, takes a deep breath—

—and his entire body language changes. The tension in his shoulders melts away like it was never there, his face relaxes into a smile, and he releases his knees and lets his legs stretch out. "Let me get you a change of clothes, though, that was sitting next to the tub, it's probably all wet. Hang on, I have a ton of clothes for both of us in my buckler, do you have a preference or will any old jeans and tee do?" He extends his left hand, palm up, and summons his bauble self.

"...anything's fine. You did a, face journey, there, what was - that."

"Face journey?" He hops to his feet and transforms just long enough to get Haru a pair of jeans, a T-shirt, underwear, and socks, neatly folded, then he goes over to a cupboard to get towels for Haru and himself.

"You made a series of different facial expressions."

"Oh. I had a lot of thoughts, I guess? But it doesn't matter, I said I was going to pull myself together, so I did." He offers Haru a towel and obligingly turns around.

Haru puts on his clothes. "You are at times hard to understand."

"...I just wanted to demonstrate..."

And his body language is back to miserable and tense. "I, I can too pull myself together. Even if I'm having a crisis. I can. But I, I just, I don't know how to be good enough. I, fuck, I don't know how to believe that you wouldn't have broken up with me if you—had all your memories, I—" He's shivering again. "I'm sorry. I don't know how to soberly reflect. I don't know what to soberly reflect on."

Haru, now fully dressed, hugs him again.

He leans into the hug for a bit, then turns around fully and returns it. "I wish I knew. I wish I knew how to be good enough. I wish I had a, a one-oh-one guide for how to be perfect for you. How to be the best Yutaka I could possibly be for Haru. I'd be the best," sniffle, "the best student, I'd, I'd ace that test—I'd be the perfect guy for Haru, if I could—if I knew—"

"Even if I tried to, what, write you a syllabus, I wouldn't know - what to put on it so that things like that weren't ever going to pop up as nasty surprises. I didn't know to ask and you didn't know to bring it up because we are different people with different information. But it's not, like, a huge nasty surprise. It's like, oh, there was... a... spider, in my sandwich, and I kinda don't want to eat this particular sandwich now even after having dispatched the spider, but I might make another sandwich in the future and just check the lettuce for spiders more carefully. Or something. That was not a very good analogy, sorry."

"Even so. Even if they could still pop up, even if—I still—even if there might be spiders—then I'd know. I'd know how to make more sandwiches. Then I'd know I'd be, I'd be—making mistakes on—on the way there. I, I'm good at guessing. I'm really, really good at guessing. I can learn you. But, but I wish, I wish I could be sure. Sorry. I know it's not fair. I know you didn't ask for a guy who was going to cry on you at the slightest provocation. I'll, I'll do better. I'll, I'll try harder. I'll be perfect for you." Sniffle. "I'll keep trying, for as long as you'll have me."

"I can try to think how I'd even structure such a guide, but I can't promise it'll be any good, and definitely don't want to vouch for it being, like, complete."

Sniffle. "You don't have to. I've done enough being a pain in your ass, and not the right kind of pain in your ass either." Sniffle. "That was a weak joke."

"Not your best, yeah." Haru kisses him on the forehead. "Especially since pains in my ass did not make the list of things I like. Perhaps there is no right kind and I am simply hopelessly prejudiced against all forms of ass pain."