Nod. :I - don't think it's making me nearly as unhappy as it's making you. I'm not - pretending, I just care less about people. Emotionally. And that doesn't seem smart to change, considering.:

:Yes: Leareth doesn't seem judgemental or disapproving of this at all. :That makes sense, and...well, I suppose I am a little grateful. I - am going to decide to feel it less once there are actually decisions to be made. And I did before, on the Void-ship, when I needed to focus. But I think most people do not have as much ability as I do to - decide whether or not to feel emotions - and if you were as sad as the other Carissa is then that would be additionally distressing! And - something it would seem worse to - decide not to have feelings about, because I love you: 

:I mostly don't have feelings that are a bad idea to have! It is very disconcerting how apparently the other Carissa does. I - don't want Hell destroyed but I am going to try to feel mostly indifferent about the whole thing, there are more than enough feelings going around.:

:Indifferent because you do not think there is an option where you can choose to be a little sad but not very very upset?: 

:It doesn't really seem like there's much there to be a little sad about! Either it is a good idea or it is the worst thing that has ever happened in all of history.:

:It can be a good idea and still tragic - those are not incompatible: Leareth shakes his head a little. :Like the war with Cheliax as it went here - I think it was very, very clearly the correct path to take, and worth it, but the cost in lives and pain and fear was still sad: 

:I mostly don't feel sad about that either. Maybe I would if people I knew had died. But the fear is just -: Shrug. :I was scared, and I don't really wish anything had happened differently.:

:Mmm: Leareth shakes his head a little. :I think Iomedae was right, that - it was costing me something, not letting myself feel the emotions about it. ...Maybe part of it is that - I do not think we have enough information to be certain it is a good idea to replicate here, right? And so I need to - have not fully made that decision yet? And part of that decision process is - being able to actually look at it, head on...: Frown. :I do not think I am doing a good job of explaining this, sorry: 

:I guess I expect leaving it to Iomedae and Aroden to work better than trying to guess myself. So I - hope they don't do it, but not in a way where I have to be prepared to decide personally, because - why would I end up deciding personally -:

:Hmm. I suppose part of it for me is that - well, it is not just an either-or decision. There are going to be many, many implementation details - how long do we wait, the tradeoff of gathering more resources versus leaving more opportunities for Asmodeus to find out and take the offensive Himself - whether to attempt negotiations with Him first... And some of those are more human-scale than god-scale decisions and Aroden is going to want my advice. And so I need to be able to think about it clearly: 

:...that makes sense. I guess I ...don't feel very equipped to think about those decisions or advise Aroden usefully.:

:Mmm, fair enough. I have thousands of years of experience thinking about difficult strategic problems. I need your advice mainly for the interpersonal problems, I think: Sigh. :I - am much worse at those when I am trying not to have emotions: 

:Huh. I guess I can do that. Do you mostly mean other Carissa or is there something else?:

:I think that is the place where it most feels as though I am - operating blind and making mistakes... But there is going to be a lot of politics, right, we are bringing more people over here - and Tadesse and little Ma'ar will probably have feelings and I am not sure that I will be well placed to help them with that...:

Carissa looks like she kind of thinks everyone should consider, instead, not having feelings. :That makes sense. I'll try.:

:Thank you: 

:This - probably isn't the line of conversation that'd make sense of other Carissa? If there is one - I am not really sure what you were hoping for -:

:I wish I knew. I...want Mhalir to be all right, I think. I suppose he can probably find a way to be even if he cannot be her ally at this point: 

:I don't think I really understand - how he feels about her, why he might not be okay -:

:- I think he loves her. Or whatever the equivalent emotion is for his species. And - I would not be very okay, I think, if we ended up on opposite sides of a war. I would figure it out, but...also he is much younger than me: 

- nod. :I don't think she loves him? Or - I think she cares about him but the fact he cares about her is much much more important to her than the other way around - and I do not expect she would have noticed he loves her, and she'd be trying very hard not to have any feelings that weren't reciprocated - with Ma'ar, too. She had to work reasonably hard to not have feelings about him, I think.:

:I wonder how Ma'ar feels about her? I - cannot really guess, without having more context, I could imagine him - caring about her a lot but not having avenues to know how to show it, but I can also imagine him being minimally attached: 

:She read him as not attached but - that's probably at least partially about managing her own feelings, imagining someone likes you is a kind of being invested in them and therefore stupid and dangerous and pathetic. But he genuinely might not be, it's not like they'd worked together for years or anything, and she's hardly - showing her strengths as a person -:

:Mmm: Sigh. :I had better make sure everything is ready to have Vanyel over: 

Nod.