Mordred remembers after about a day to check whether Lev is with Oswald. Upon confirming that yes, he is, and Mordred doesn't have to ask Mrs. Winston-Rogers for yet another favor, he sets to avoiding him.

This is probably some kind of cowardice. He should apologize for lashing out, or reach out, or do something. If nothing else they're on the same team and they need to be able to work together.

Mordred cares enough about that to dislike himself a little more for it, but not enough to stop.

Gale... was worried, the last few days in New York, but Mordred had wanted to do almost anything but talk about it and Gale hadn't pressed and so the only people who know are Lev and probably also Oswald and Mordred would prefer to to keep it that way. Lev and Oswald is, frankly, enough people to be avoiding looking in the eye.

He spends a lot of time with his notes, spends a lot of time talking over what they know with Anemone. He's good at thinking about anything and everything other than right here and right now. (He's not thinking about when and where and how he learned that particular skill.)

Meanwhile--

Oswald is afraid that this is in the service of Nyarlathotep, this is yet another example of the warping thoughts and desires endemic to brushes with the eldritch, chaotic pleasurable violence goes hand and hand with cult activity

And the requisite chill at the times that he knows he and Samson have interacted with Lev in the same ways.

Then on the other hand what is it to be warped? What can be done about that? Is there any version of them that is clean and sound and whole? Is there any version of him that does not reach for what he cannot have and should not want? Knowledge rends and protection burns and comfort traps and love sears and they are good to each other, he thinks, even if they are not good to each other, and he loves someone who loves the wide dread unknown world, loves two someones, and he thinks love must be something dread and unknown and wonderful in itself.

Lev returns from being read to, flops onto the bed next to Oswald, and says, "what is the current subject of your misery?"

Oswald stares into the middle distance. "Is it still wrong what he's doing to Lacie, when she likes it so much? Are we SURE that there is a difference between these situations instead of me drowning in wishful thinking?"

"I don't actually know which situation you are talking about."

"Between you liking things, and me liking things, and my sister liking things. I think actually there is no difference but I would LIKE there to be so that fucking you is okay and the things Samson is doing with my sister are not."

"I feel like one important difference here is that your sister is summoning a Great Old One that will devour the world and we are having sex. Yeah, it's wrong but there are different scales of wrongness."

"Okay but they are ALSO having sex and I was supposed to keep that from happening."

"I am really not sure the sex is the problem here? I think maybe the torturing people and the summoning evil gods is the problem and the sex is basically fine."

"Was also supposed to keep her from summoning Great Old Ones I guess but that's different, I didn't spend years scared about that. I did not know those other things were on the table for most of that time."

Lev hugs Oswald. "People grow up and start making bad choices about sex?"

"And sometimes get driven mad by a Great Old One and start making -- wait I don't think this is precisely the part I object to but I don't know what I object to instead. Okay, I think we have concluded that there is no difference except you are interpreting this as all just sex that is fine and I am interpreting this as all people using other people. But maybe that's just how everything works."

"I mean did she like it. I guess that's a weird thing to think about with your sister."

"I think she likes it now and maybe sometimes before and that's scary but I don't know what to do with that or if it makes any sense."

"...I don't think you're using me?"

"I think I must be but I don't think it's -- hurting anything. And it's -- you could, too, you know."

Oswald is BLUSHING.

"You really do have to use nouns if I am going to have any idea what you're talking about."

"Are you suuuuuure? I think you have made this up to make my life more difficult."

"You're cute." Lev kisses his forehead.

Oswald kisses Lev's neck and then whispers very quietly in his ear "do you want to fuck me?"

"Yes." He kisses his forehead again. "And I think... if I like it and you like it... it is different from when you have sex with someone that they don't like at all because you will hurt them if they don't. And... even if they like it later... it's still bad because of all the hurting you did before?" He sounds hesitant about this.

"I guess things don't really stop being bad just because they're in the past. If that was how anything worked we'd be very different people."

"If Dr. Keaton hurt me until I was so fucked up that I thanked him for it that would be bad."

"I'm not sure we should ignore what that version of you wanted when deciding what would be good or bad for him though. But it would still be incredibly fucked up to have that happen. And it's horrible, doing that to someone."

He is starting to cry.

More comforting hugs.

"I mean it is bad for Samson and Lacie to have sex because you're not supposed to have sex with your foster daughter but it's also bad for us to have sex because you're not supposed to have sex with men? But if she liked it that is... not bad for her, I think, even if it is bad in general. And the thing that was bad for her is that he hurt her until she was the kind of possession he wanted to own. It wouldn't be better if he wanted a possession he didn't want to fuck."