"You're not. I'm sorry."

He looks like he wants to say something and then doesn't.

Mordred opens his mouth to justify this incredibly stupid decision he is making and looks at his brother, who is exhausted and in danger because of Mordred, and doesn't do that, and wants to hug him again, and doesn't do that either.

At night Agravaine doesn't sleep well; Mordred can hear it. He tosses and turns and sometimes wakes up with a start and at least once screams.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, fuck, I'm so sorry, runs through Mordred's head over and over like a drumbeat. He makes sure to wake up early in the mornings to make them both coffee.

It takes him a few days to ask but he does, after a few days, ask what's going on.

"It's nothing. Just haven't been sleeping well."

If you don't press Agravaine will never tell anyone anything. "Are you sure?"

"It's fine, Mordred."

"............it's kind of obviously not."

"What do you want to hear," he snaps, "that I have nightmares every night where you die or you're devoured or--"

"I wanted to get a chance to apologize for them. And also I think it's not good for you to not talk about things. Which you know already."

"Ugh. I don't want to-- you know it's a stupid idea--"

"I do. It's a terrible idea that is very likely to get me killed and you're letting me do it anyway and there are not enough words in any language for how grateful I am for that." In any other circumstance this would be too unbearably sincere to say out loud and relegated strictly to subtext.

Agravaine makes a face like he knows exactly how out of character the lack of subtext is. "I love you."

"I love you. Half the reason I'm doing this is that the world has you in it and I want it to stay that way, you know that, right?"

"Yeah. Don't die."

He really, really wishes he could promise that he won't. "I'll do my best."

"Or-- or get devoured by mouth monsters or join a cult or turn into a fish monster. None of that."

"I promise I will not join a cult or turn into a -- fish monster? Whatever, you don't need to answer that, I won't."

"I was reading Weird Tales."

Tiny smile. "I love you very much and I solemnly swear I will not turn into a fish monster."

That afternoon--

They're at Gale's apartment; it's a little cramped but it's warm.

"Hey. Did you still want the rosary?"

"Yes, please." He's not sure how much he thinks it'll help but.

Gale puts it around Mordred's neck. His fingers brush against Mordred's skin.

His hands are very warm. "Thank you," Mordred says, and then on impulse hugs him.