"...what?"

"Now do you feel tempted, at all, to use your powers in any social situation? I know you already felt like they burnt your skin; but do you still feel tempted, knowing that every time you do, you're being kinda cringe and just generally bad at stuff?"

"You motherfucker."

"You're welcome~

"Anyway, number two: Haru is like the only person in the world I would trust to be able to actually do the thing he's doing right now, including the part where he can have a mostly-normal social relationship with you despite, yes, being your parole officer."

"You're just a simp."

"I'm being objective about this. Like, actually. You've met a lot more people than me, obviously, but you'd already met lots of people seven years ago and you know I have, too. There is no one I have ever met who'd be able to pull this shit off better than him. He can and he will be your friend if you want him to be."

"Why would he—"

"—want that? You've got nothing going for you. Objectively speaking, you suck. You're boring, you've got no hobbies, you're a literal criminal, he is literally your parole officer, he has a billion other friends, even if he's under some insane delusion about your suitability as a social peer while he's backlashed that doesn't make it okay for you to take advantage of him that way. It would in fact kind of qualify as abusive on your part to manipulate his backlashed self into spending more time with you by playing the emotionally wounded card, even though you recognise you've kinda been doing exactly that.

"Kang Jaeha? That. Is. Cringe. Listen to yourself for ten seconds, for God's sake."

Well he's kinda being forced to do exactly that isn't he!!!!!

"As for the actual answer, he'd want that because... it turns out you're pretty cool, actually? You're smart, and you learn things quickly, and when you acquire opinions they're often good ones, and you have quite a lot of skills he doesn't that he finds interesting. You two vibe. Or you could vibe. Like, yeah, I am a simp, but it turns out? Our personalities are pretty compatible. ...well, I did do some surgery to mine—"

"Is that why you sound like a fucking nerd?"

"Sure is! But I think honestly the trauma from breaking out of your backlash might've done a lot of the necessary editing. And Haru will find it so flattering if you become more interesting for his sake, that's also a good solid leg a friendship can stand on."

"...that's cringe."

"...hmm. You're right, it is." Undo.

"Sure is! But you don't need to make yourself sound like a nerd or anything, it just kinda happened. Regardless, it will turn out by God's providence that you guys will vibe pretty well. And it will work better rather than worse if you're honest, actually one hundred percent honest."

"I've been honest—"

"Bullshit. You've said some things that felt scary to say but were still less scary than the things you didn't say, and when he didn't immediately follow up on the things you kind of implied you just assumed he thought the worst of you and didn't care anyway and you went to bed like that."

"Number three! Write shit down. Where by shit I mean whatever passes for 'thoughts' and 'feelings' inside that stupid idiot head of yours. You saw how stupid it sounded when I told you all your thoughts out loud? Writing them down works just as well, it turns out, and then you can stare at the words you somehow produced and realise how cringe they are and decide to instead become someone who is not that cringe. I kid you not, that's, like, eighty-five percent of what I mean when I talk about the therapy I've been doing. I have benefitted from an actual therapist, a bit, but this kind of self-analysis? Works wonders with the insane bullshit we've both got going on in our heads. I know you feel like no one should waste a therapist on you and that's, like, fine, you'll get over that eventually I'm sure, but while you don't, weaponising our overactive sense of mortification and embarrassment to become good functional members of society who can effect positive change in the world is," he kisses the tips of his fingers, "mwah, chef's kiss."

"...that's cringe."

"No, it's not, you're just saying that because you know that when you start doing it you will feel cringe at yourself. Rip the bandaid off, Kang Jaeha, it'll be easier that way. Or don't. It doesn't matter, I know the curiosity will eat you alive and even though you feel spiteful of me saying this right now you'll still do it because you don't want to be broken."

"You're not really selling the 'better and kinder and more well-adjusted' thing, you know."

"You're funny, little man. It's funny how you're trying to deflect. And, God, you're so bad at lying, you really should stop doing that. You're trying to feel mad at me because if you feel grateful you might start crying."

"Number four, and I think this is the last one: stop reading and inserting subtext into everything. If you want to talk about something, talk about it. If you feel like there was a conspicuous omission, bring it up, it was almost certainly not on purpose and it was certainly not trying to manipulate you or make fun of you or any of the myriad other things you thought."