I don't.

Leareth nods, hesitantly. 

He's wishing that Maitimo could help more, too - he wishes anything helped more, really, people keep telling him that it's okay if he needs a long time but apparently he isn't that patient when the problem is 'not being able to do things or make plans' rather than, say, a plan that plays out over centuries. 

Maitimo is helping a lot, though, just by - being the person he is, competent and on top of things and quick to learn the appropriate level of caution, and working well with Vanyel, so that Leareth can trust that someone is making sure the world holds together while he can't. 

...Also by just being here, even when all he's doing is holding still and not speaking. It would be understandable if he had better things to do, since Leareth is really useless right now, but - he feels obscurely safer, with Maitimo there. 

I can do other things at the same time. And - I think this is the most important thing to me, right now, actually.

...Confusing. But, Leareth reminds himself, confusing in the same direction his alt is confused about, with Maitimo's offer to help with his god plan. Leareth isn't confused about that at all. It's exactly the sort of thing he expects Maitimo to do - expects the Noldor to do in general, they have that kind of generosity, they can afford it - they grew up in paradise... 

And maybe this isn't different in principle, someone wanting to help him, personally, just because they can and they can spare the time and resources - he still feels like he's not quite understanding it, but maybe that's close enough. And he can be glad of it anyway, even if it's confusing. 

Vanyel wants to help as much as he can too and he didn't grow up in paradise. We just - like you. As a person. And want you to be okay.

I do not generally expect people to find me likeable, given the number of people I have murdered. That isn't quite the thing, but - he's not likeable, right, that hasn't ever been what he was aiming for... (Not like Maitimo, who clearly aims to be liked by everyone.) 

No, you've been aiming all of yourself at something else entirely, and yet I like you anyway. 

Confusing!!! ...And also kind of scary, but it's easier to unpack, this time, it's mostly because things that violate his priors about the world or confuse him feel dangerous, it means his predictions about the future are likely to be unreliable, and that's especially terrifying when his ability to do anything about unexpected events is so limited. But none of that is new information. He already knows that he's very helpless, right now, and his safety is entirely dependent on others.

Others who have pretty good reasons to make sure he's okay, even if only for instrumental reasons, because he isn't useful right now but he might be again someday. Leareth knows that isn't what Maitimo is trying to say right now, but it's easier to believe, to put weight on. 

If that is the relationship dynamic Leareth is more comfortable with it is certainly true that he will be useful someday and that Quendi who are very patient are more than willing to wait for that day. 

Sigh. He wants to wrap his head around the other thing, because - well, it's easy to notice that his alt is missing something and might actually be able to operate more effectively in this new, bigger, far more complicated world if he understood it better. And, consistency. Neither of those things solves the problem but it helps. 

"I think I should eat something," he says out loud. 

"I will have someone bring something."

They show up just a few minutes later.

Leareth waits for it in silence. He drags himself out of bed to eat; there's a table to eat at, and it seems more polite. 

"Tell me about the city you are planning?" he says, between bites of food. 

"It's on the shore of the ocean, and Ulmo's supportive, so we'll have lots of fish even though we don't know much about fishing. We're going to use the Silmarils for light. We're considering setting up something to rotate them so areas of the city have a day/night cycle, humans seem to speak well of it. It needs to look pretty from the air, because Bella's magic lets people fly..." and he can send over some design sketches.

They're very good sketches, and Leareth can provide some comments, or just appreciative nods when he doesn't have anything substantive to say. 

Which carries them through until Vanyel wakes up next door. He yawns, stretches, and then reaches for Maitimo before even getting out of bed. :Leareth all right?: 

Yeah. He wanted you to look at the wards on the room again once you were up, though.

:They won't have gone anywhere, but sure. Give me a bit to get up properly: Vanyel gets up, dresses quickly. Fixes his hair, which is less of a discretionary morning-routine step with Quendi than with humans. He's still over less than ten minutes later. 

–Leareth recoils a little when Vanyel appears in the doorway. And immediately feels bad about it, because obviously this is going to hurt Vanyel's feelings. Maitimo, can you tell him - not his fault...

He passes this along though he doesn't think Vanyel was going to think it was his fault.

:I know: Vanyel stops in the doorway, holding very still the way Maitimo does to avoid startling Leareth, it seems to help. "You wanted me to check the wards for you?" he says to Leareth. 

"I would appreciate it." He wants to apologize for being really unreasonable about it, but apologizing is only going to draw more attention to that. 

If Vanyel thinks it's unreasonable, he doesn't show it. "Of course." He leans into his mage-sight and starts examining the layers of shielding and passive wards on the room, sharing his Sight with Maitimo. 

Who passes it along.

It's reassuring. Leareth relaxes a little. Thanks Vanyel when he's done.

"I think I want to be alone now," he tells Maitimo. He needs to work on writing his notes of what's happened since he arrived, and it's easier to do undistracted. "Thank you for coming over - for staying..." 

"Of course." And he heads out.