"Is there anything specific it seems like you're scared of?"

He doesn't know. Things happening? But it does seem like some kinds of events, like the staff here bringing him meals, are a lot less panic-inducing than this. 

...Going somewhere in order to do something specific, maybe? If he imagines that he's just going to walk around the hall with his alt and come back, that feels easier, but instead they're planning to do something that's actually important, and when he thinks about that it feels like he just can't. 

"You spent a long time trying as hard as possible to not do anything for Melkor," she observes.

True. For a very long time it was the case that taking any action - being the sort of entity that even had goals or wanted to affected the world - was likely to make things worse rather than better according to what he cared about. Looking back, it was challenging to pull that off. It tugs so hard against, well, nearly everything that he is; Leareth is fundamentally a goal-oriented person. He had to point his mind in a very weird direction, aim all of himself at not doing things.

Probably it's not surprising that some of this stuck around? And that there would be a lot of fear in it, even though the association here isn't really 'and then he was tortured again' - he was additionally just scared of being tricked again.

Is it something Bella can help undo? 

"I don't have a definite simple solution lined up but I can keep you calm while you try doing things and see if anything looks usefully nudgeable while I do that."

Nod. 

He's calm now, but still kind of stuck, it would be so much easier to just say it was too hard and go back to bed for the rest of the day. But it seems very bad to let himself form a habit of giving up.

Maybe it'll help to make it feel as little as possible like a him-driven decision. He suspects it'll be easier once he's moving, but getting moving past the door is the hard part. 

"Could you - take my hand, and walk with me?" he asks the other Leareth. It feels like kind of a weird thing to ask for, but when he pictures it, moving feels easier. 

"Yes, of course." If he thinks this is odd, he doesn't show it at all. He takes his alt by the hand and starts easing him toward the door. 

Bella follows and keeps up the calming.

It's not not scary, but he's calm about it, and taking a step is easier when it feels like the path of least resistance rather than an active choice. And then he's in the hall, and nothing awful happens, and he seems to be mostly unstuck although still kind of shaken. 

He doesn't try to interact at all while walking, though. He closes his eyes for parts of it. 

And then they're in the library, and his alt guides him to a chair. 

"Are you all right?" 

"I...think so...?" Mostly he's exhausted again - no, not quite that, more just overwhelmed. He almost feels dizzy, except not literally dizzy, it's hard to describe. "I think I need a minute."

He props his elbows on his knees and rests his forehead in his hands and tries to remind himself that he's here, in his own library - well, his alt's library - in one of the most secure research facilities in the north, if this isn't safe then nowhere is.

(It kind of feels like nowhere is.) 

"I wish I knew better what to do about this. It might get better on its own, though."

“I imagine time will help, and more examples of doing things and nothing terrible happening. We can just go back if you want, this is a good start for today, but if you are up for it you could read one thing first?”

“I will try.” Angband Leareth sits up. He doesn’t feel very up for it, but he doubts his feelings there will be especially correlated with reality right now.

He can have a book of personal notes from the start of this lifetime, then.

Bella sits around but does work of her own while maintaining the calm.

He reads a couple of pages but he really isn’t absorbing it right now. “I think I want to go back.”

“Of course. You can bring it as well, to read later.” Local Leareth hesitates to see if his alt is getting up on his own, then holds out his hand again. 

Sure, he can be led back to his room with the book in his free hand.

"Let me know when you're done with the calm."

He sits down on his bed. "Thank you. You can stop now."

She stops.

Leareth lies down. It takes him a minute or so to summon energy to speak.

"I think I am done doing things for now. Can you put me to sleep please." 

Yes she can.

And sleep.