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boots after therapeutic ethics lands on leareth in angband
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"That does sound easier. I wish I were not so tired all the time." Sigh. "I think I am a little less tired now than before - I suppose it might be hard to tell because I think I find you doing things to my mind tiring, and we have been doing that every day." 

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"Hopefully the nightmares being blocked will let you catch up over time."

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"I am hoping so." 

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"If you'd rather be awake and working on this right now than taking a nap, I have a trick called the 'coffee thing' that can temporarily improve alertness."

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"Oh. I would like to try that." He's tired, but not really sleepy, which doesn't in itself matter because Bella can put him to sleep, but he's not sure that it's something where napping actually makes him less tired afterward. 

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Coffee thing!

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Oh. "That is much better. Thank you." He looks over at the other Leareth, hopefully. "We could look at some of your records? I hope at some point I will be able to retrieve my more recent ones, but this will be a start." 

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"Of course. I can go retrieve them." 

:He seems so much better to me now than before: local Leareth sends privately to Bella. :I think maybe he is having trouble noticing it from the inside: 

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According to my textbooks that's common.

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:Do you think it would be helpful for me to point it out to him when I notice?: 

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I wouldn't expect it to hurt!

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"You could come with me to the library," Leareth suggests to his alt. "If you are up for a walk - it is really not very far. It might help to have a change of scenery from your room." 

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"That sounds good." Angband Leareth gets up, collects his note-paper, heads for the door– Stops. 

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"Are you all right?" 

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He waits ten seconds. "...If you are finding talking hard again, would it help to have Bella read you?" 

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Angband Leareth considers it for a while, still frozen on the spot. Eventually nods. 

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...read?

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He is, for unclear and probably stupid reasons, REALLY SCARED at the prospect of leaving his room, which is confusing because he does already leave his room sometimes. Occasionally. Mostly it's when one of the Healers coaxes him to walk around, and it's often weirdly difficult and takes a few tries, but this is the first time in a while that he's run into it this sharply. 

He can't figure out what's different, and in the meantime he can't move, even to go back to his bed and sit down, most of his brain is busy screaming that actions aren't safe, wanting isn't safe, trying isn't safe–

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"Do you want me to calm you down?"

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Yes, please. 

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Calm. "You might have a built-up association or something?"

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He leans against the wall, worried that if he goes back and sits down then he'll definitely be stuck. "I thought it was probably that but I am not sure what the association is. I would prefer to be able to leave my room if I want without...this." 

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"Yeah, that makes sense. This isn't the same room you had before, you were moved, was that notable at all?"

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Leareth thinks back. "I was scared. About asking for a different room and about actually moving. That was - not very remarkable, at the time, my default state was being afraid of everything in my surroundings." It took several days for this room to feel as comfortable as the previous one, and it still doesn't feel safe, not completely, but nothing does and he's used to it. 

He wants his magic back, he's not sure it's possible to feel secure without that, but he doesn't say it, since it's very reasonable of them to have his Gifts blocked, and having them unblocked would also be terrifying in its own right. 

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