:...I don't know, did he answer your questions? I just feel even more confused...: Pause. :Bella, are you - mad at me or something?: 

No! Uh, I think my textbooks recommend avoiding getting into religion with patients if you can avoid it.

Now he's just even more confused. :But - I'm not - this doesn't feel like it's about religion the normal way to me? I'm not even religious, not really. The gods are just...forces that mess with my life in obnoxious ways, probably: 

It might be fine! I'm just bending rules already, and have god-related personal baggage that it's easier not to dump on you by not dwelling on the topic.

:Oh. All right. That's fine: He can talk to...Yfandes, probably, there's really no one else he's comfortable telling. They haven't even been over the dream yet, usually they do it right away but with Bella taking notes it's not necessary. 

Sorry.

:It's fine: 

I'll take that as a no on tomorrow afternoon?

:Yes, if we're not going to talk about the gods part and you don't have things to talk about on your end then I might as well think about it on my own. And wait to see if Leareth sends us a message, I guess: 

I'll keep you posted if I get any mail. I'll need help, I don't think I can read a letter in Valdemaran yet.

:And it's going to be in code too: he reminds her. :Just let me know: 

She keeps an eye out for mail.

Mail does not arrive in the next two days. 

However, around noon on the second day, Vanyel Mindtouches her. :Bella, um, is there anyway we can move our session sooner? There's...something I'm upset about: Their next session isn't for another two days. 

Uh, yes, my next two candlemarks are free.

:Can you come to my room?: 

On my way.

Vanyel lets her into his room and then goes to his desk, where he seems to have been attempting to take notes. He looks tense and unhappy and generally more overwhelmed than she's seen him in weeks. 

What happened? she asks, sitting down.

"...It's going to sound really stupid." 

That's okay. I'm not going to laugh at you.

"I know." Vanyel still curls up a bit. "I keep...having this really dumb fight with Yfandes. Or, it's not– it's hard to describe, it's not exactly a fight, just, she gets all - tense, and cagey, and all of a sudden it's like we're not even having the same conversation anymore. And I don't know why. It's not like when she would get upset when I thought about wanting to die, that made sense. This is... I don't think she knows either?"

He pulls one knee into his chest, hugging himself. "I'm sorry. I know you aren't supposed to talk about gods with me. But I can't talk about it with Yfandes. We keep trying and - and this happens, we have a stupid confusing argument and end up grumpy with each other for no goddamned reason. And it, just, I thought I could go to her for anything I needed? And I need to - sort out my thoughts here, and I can't talk to her, and..." He trails off, looking down at the floor. 

Okay. I can - just try really hard not to bring my god-related history into it, I guess, with the caveat that if I expected that to work out perfectly I would have just done it in the first place. What have you been trying to talk to her about?

"First I just wanted to ask if she believed Leareth – if she thought he was being honest, and if she thought he was right. And then I...was trying to figure out how I would feel about it, if it were true. That the gods want the things Leareth thinks they want."

He shrugs, helplessly. "Because, you know, I think I'd agree with Leareth. That it's an awful way for the world to be. I don't think I'd go to the lengths he has, but, I don't know, maybe it's just that I don't believe I can do anything better with my life than wait twenty years and go explode somewhere. And, well, the gods might have meddled around in...my life looking the way it has. The way the Shadow-Lover talked to me made it seem like it, and if the Tayledras are right that lifebonds are something the gods create, and it is a way to turn a lot of indirect nudges into a stupidly powerful mage who's convinced his destiny is to murder Leareth... Anyway, I don't know, I was just trying to think out loud to someone, figure out my feelings, not have solid conclusions yet. But it kept...getting off track. And Yfandes is a good listener normally." 

The, uh, conventional understanding is that Companions as a species were created by one or more gods, right?

"Yes. That's the story."