"So I could not screw with any memories if I went Majokko. ... But I don't want to fight for the rest of my life - augh." Deep breath. "What are the customization options for lifespan for the Chariot card?"

She needs a bit of breathing time to think.

"Aging at one year per two years, one year per four years, or one year per six years."

The Shadow is talking faster, now.

Of course it is. It can see what she's doing.

".... What are all of the details about all of the customization options for every card but the Hanged Man and Empress cards? Including the ones my brother asked about."

The shadow begins reciting a very, very long list.

There is, perhaps, a little time to think.

Yep. That is the point of this exercise.

So, she has a choice, here. Well, several choices, but one that isn't quite as easy as weighing what she does and doesn't want. She wants the lifespan power, she wants to not have to fight shadows for the rest of her life, she wants just about everything Lilim offers - but she definitely does not want to mess with the memories of random people. Even for something as relatively innocuous as adding another family member.

But does she not want it enough to give up the chance to extend actual lives? Are fifteen years of doctored memories excused when she's going to use the chance to attempt to give people hundreds more? Are they excused when she was forced into the choice? ... She stops herself from thinking that sincerely. This is a choice she's not forced into. She could opt out, go Majokko, or try to see if she survives against an entire family that will likely want to kill her. Mind, it is highly coerced, but - still. It counts. She won't flinch away from it.

So. If she were locked in a room, in the dark - what would she choose? Safety, ambition and immorality, or danger and righteousness? She allows herself the sincerity of selfishness.

Maybe if it were just those words and none of the context they come with, it'd be easy. But it's not so simple as blind ambition. This is a thing she wants. She doesn't know the Majokko's lifespan (She notes to ask, when the shadow is done reciting its very very long list) but she doesn't want to watch her brother die. She doesn't want to watch others die, while she can do something to stop it. There's a memory of a red haired woman in a bed who exhales one last time days after her husband and all of the chaos that ensued after and no no no no -

Does she value real actual - well, not human, but sentient - lives over the sanctity of someone's memories?

...

Yes.

"Stop," she murmurs.

The shadow stops, and looks at her expectantly.

"Dark family reputation," she says, softly. "Blood demon bodyguard."

If she's going to be doing this she'd like to do it to the people that could help her with magic the most, and they seem like they might be morally bankrupt anyway -

The shadow nods along.

"Is there anything I've missed for the Hanged Man card?"

"Body type, and the natural aptitudes of the body."

"Body type being what I look like?"

"Yes."

"... I'd like to look close to like how I look now. Recognizable to Blair, if possible. Does that work?"

"Yes."

"And what natural aptitudes are available?"

"A faster learning rate, better dexterity and agility, or a slight increase in your cognitive abilities."

"... Cognitive abilities," she decides.

"Agreed. Are you ready to take your card?"

"... What, no mystery box for me?"

The shadow shrugs.

"By what mechanism does that work, then?"

"Don't ask me, I'm not the Creator of the World."

"If the Creator of the World hurt my fucking brother there is nowhere they could run to get away from me!"

The shadow grins. "You should talk to my Masters, sometime.... Oh, and I'm required to remind you you're stalling."

"The Creator of the World is against your masters?" she asks, frowning. "... What, am I about to be thrown into a grey versus grey morality conflict?"