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Abadar uses a helm of opposite alignment on Hagan and a bad time is had by all
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"- I mean, I don't know that I could have - if you'd been telling me not to, telling me you'd hate me for it -"

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"That would probably have been good to know a year ago, then."

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"I didn't have any words, a year ago. I barely do now. I wish I had. I just kind of - sometimes I could feel something and it was always so intense I couldn't think around it, and then the rest of the time I just kind of watched myself walk around, and everything was quiet. I'm sorry."

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Nod.

"I guess I don't know what I could have managed, where I was. But I am not very impressed with myself."

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"Sending works even if she's unscryable. If you think of things you want to say."

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"I don't really know if I have anything to offer her, at this point."

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"Might be nice just to hear that you love her and you're proud of her and that we'll raise her if she needs it."

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"Yeah. Maybe."

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"And if you're sorry probably she'd want to hear that too."

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"I guess I will have to think about whether I am sorry."

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"If I hugged you would that be good or bad."

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"I don't know.

"Do you want to hear about where I am on the wanting things front."

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"Yes."

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"I keep having the thought that I want various things but almost all of the things are things that also sound like they will be horrible if I try to make them happen. Mostly they have to do with - wanting underspecified things from you. If I think about it I can - stop thinking about that for long enough to identify some other things that I might possibly have any feelings about, but it's kind of hard, because - things are sort of either numb or full of lots of desires that I don't really know what to do with.

"So - for example I spend a lot of time wanting you to touch me and am also terrified of this actually happening because probably it will somehow be horrible."

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" - huh. What if you touched me?"

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"I guess I hadn't really thought of that.

"That's kind of also terrifying but I have less idea why. Like - maybe I'll do it wrong and you'll be upset, or just kind of think I'm pathetic, and then it will never happen again, and if I'd thought about it more maybe I could have gotten it right."

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"I'm hardly going to - decide I don't want you to touch me."

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"You sound very certain of this."

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"Well, yes. You are my wife and I am in love with you and it has been six months since I've touched anyone but the baby or Fy and most nights Fy has to hug me tightly enough to get me to sleep that I have tissue damage in the mornings."

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"I guess that sounds plausibly also bad."

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"It's fine. But it's not a situation where I am going to get mad that you - what, tried to strangle me? - and decide I never want you to touch me again."

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"I don't think I'm scared that you would decide to never to let me touch you again. I think I am scared that I will not get to have preferences about how it happens if I am annoying about it."

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"Oh. 


Korva, I - 

- I want you to have preferences about how it happens. I want that a lot."

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She starts crying, and looks away because she is not supposed to do that.

 

"Not supposed to."

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"You have my permission to have preferences about touching me," he says uncertainly.

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