"I didn't know that was still a problem, we could've tried more spells or - herbs, or whatever."

" - oh. I guess I was trying to hide it entirely, but I didn't think I was doing quite that well.

"I think the underlying problem has to be emotional, somehow, given that it mostly stops during euphoric tranquility. But addressing that would have required wanting things from you, so I gave up on it."

"The healers thought it was - in your head, yeah. One suggested that - it's self-fulfilling - you expect to be in pain and so you're in pain - and so if we did the spell Delay Pain then it might just...never happen? Since it's the fact of it that produces more of it or something? But I don't know if that would work even if the theory's right.

Some other healers thought there just - wasn't enough space there - and it'll be better once you have a baby."

"I don't know. I haven't thought about it in a long time. Obviously you can have whatever you ask for regardless of whether anyone is capable of finding a solution. It just might have tradeoffs for other things you might want."

"Are you under the impression that the last year has been me getting what I wanted."

"I am aware that following your orders has not resulted in you having everything you want."

Sigh. "I have been miserable every waking moment and I gave myself six extra hours of being awake so I'd be miserable even more often so I could maybe do my job, here."

"I'm sorry."

Sigh. "I don't - know how to say it - I don't think I've succeeded yet but I don't -"

"Eagle's Splendor -"

"I was aware that you were making enormous and very painful sacrifices. I was thinking of this as something we were both doing, for - the sake of the world, for Verita not getting killed in some stupid war, for Osirion not turning into Cheliax. If you are thinking of it as something you are doing for me I don't ...know what to do with that? In what kind of awful world would it be a favor to me, to take yourself apart and be miserable -"

" - you would stop having to be the pharaoh. You might take the helmet off, and would then continue to exist, under conditions where you might someday recover, whether I made it anywhere but hell or not. Under different circumstances I might have conceived of myself as helping the world at all, but you made it fairly clear that you would take what you needed regardless of my attitude towards it, so the only thing I could control was my attitude.

"My memories are of briefly trying to explain to you the ways in which you were hurting me, the reasons that I was holding some of myself back in an attempt to preserve other capabilities, and the ways in which we might limit or mitigate the damage. I remember being told that - the things I suggested and tried appeared to you to be enemy action, or attempts to force you to stop hurting me, and that I needed to be willing to apply more effort to the situation. 

"So I decided that I would give you everything I had, willingly and without restraint, regardless of the consequences to me personally. I am sorry if it was not enough."

" - I don't know why you are imagining good Hagan would recover if you were in Hell but he obviously wouldn't, incidentally."

"I suppose if you have agreed to take the helmet off then I might eventually be able to devote some energy to solving any of the other problems with this situation. I'm not sure.

"I think people usually get over losing people, though."

"Not - to Hell, not when it's their fault, not when they promised not to let it happen."

"Well, as I have lost the ability to take most actions, I don't immediately know what to do about this."

"Did you ever end up donating absurd sums of money to local orphanages."

"No, I removed my capacity to desire most things or hope for salvation."

"Okay, well, please do that. Do I need to walk you through how."

"I might.

"I don't actually know that anything you give me counts as my money. But I will try to do it if that's what you want."

"I think it should? At least I asked Fazil about this and he thought it should've worked. Uh, you tell that slave you like that you want half of your allowance given to the church of ...Sarenrae? Maybe? For the care of orphans. And then they should send you a nice card with drawings by the orphans and an account of how they are all doing."

"Okay."

"You could pick a different church if you wanted. Or do...widows, or cripples, or something. Might be best if you decided yourself."

"All right.

"Didn't know you still cared about this."

"I promised. And - I don't really think Hell would be good for you at all."

"Oh, it would be terrible. Much worse than this is. Probably."

"So then - do some charity."