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Nov 19, 2019 3:51 AM
Sean is not a generic harem anime protagonist
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"Am I not supposed to be?"

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"Not here! This is a college for monsters!"

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For some reason he seems to find that statement kind of darkly hilarious. He shakes his head, laughing. "Maybe that's why it was the only place my parents could find that would let me in and didn't like blatantly suck."

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"They shouldn't have! You're not safe here!"

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"The bus driver told me I might never be seen again but I figured he was just trying to be funny. How not safe is not safe?"

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"A lot of monsters yearn for the days when we could prey on humanity with impunity, before you came up with the weapons technology to wipe us out if we poked our noses out too far. Everyone who's here is at least nominally on board with plan: blend in with humanity, but that doesn't mean they won't eat you if they find out." 

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"...fair enough, I guess."

He kind of wants her to lick him again. No, focus, Sean.

"So what the hell do I do about it?"

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"...Go home? That's kinda all I've got. Or I guess maybe just refusing to tell anyone what you are could work, but I dunno if that means no one'll find out." 

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"Man, I didn't even want to go to college, my parents had to bribe me. On the other hand, if I quit on the first day because I met a girl who told me she was a vampire and the other students were gonna eat me, I bet I do not get my bribe."

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...She giggles. 

"Your parents had to bribe you?" 

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"Yep! With a slightly obscene amount of money! They were gonna buy me a car but apparently driving here sucks a lot and that's why the weirdly menacing bus driver? So no car."

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"We all have our crosses to bear," she says cheerfully, fingering a weird cross hanging from a choker around our neck. "Why'd your parents have to bribe you?" 

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"Because I don't even slightly give a shit about school. Also they want me to stop assaulting people so I only get paid if I make it through the whole semester without getting arrested."

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"Well, you're not gonna get arrested here, I'll give you that." 

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"That's a plus! Maybe not enough of one to make up for the risk of getting eaten, but a plus!"

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"Why is that a plus." 

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"Mm?"

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"I mean...I know of people who have problems with getting arrested for assault because they're anthropophages with poor impulse control, and I know of people who have problems with getting arrested for assault because they're, like, in gangs, and I know of people who have problems with getting arrested for assault because they're super racist, and if you're the last kind I'm gonna feel kinda gooky about having any'a your blood in me." 

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"I'm not a—does that mean 'eats people'—but it's an impulse control thing, yeah. Like, last year I set a teacher on fire because I lost my temper and there was a lighter on his desk. I am usually better at keeping a lid on it than that, but that's the kind of problem I have."

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"--Oh wow. I do not recommend attempting to light a teacher here on fire, but that's because the teacher will personally kick your ass, not because you'll get arrested. It does mean eats people, yeah." 

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"I'm gonna do my best not to light anybody on fire!"

Ugh, it already itches not having told her what the other half of his problem looks like, but if he's going to actually die if he fucks up too bad around here, he should maybe not immediately alienate the closest thing he has to a friend.

"What's your name, anyway? I'm Sean."

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"I'm Melody. Pleased to meet you, despite the circumstances." 

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"Same! Uh, before you hit me with your bike—do you want a new one, by the way, it looks pretty fucked—I was trying to figure out where I'm even supposed to go next, think you can help me out with that?"

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"I probably do," she agrees, giving the bike a regretful look. "Yeah, commencement, I know where that is." 

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"Cool. I can get you a new bike, you can show me around and maybe help me not get eaten, seems like a good deal all round." Pause. "Also you can lick me again if you want. I mean, assuming it's safe, I know jack shit about vampires."

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