He lets his move his mouth, prods him so he knows he's done so.

I love you, he repeats, grinning delightedly, soaring on a burst of affection.

Good. Because I think I am going to fuck you, sounds fascinating.

Of course he is. Of course.

He's terrified, he's going to be utterly wrecked and he knows it, and—he's still grinning, still floating on love, Maitimo is so entirely himself and it is so terrifyingly appallingly adorable.

And I wouldn't, if you couldn't handle it.

He teleports them back to the ship. He lets Taliar go.

He hugs himself and shivers. The feeling of being respected for his strength is so intense it's almost terrifying in its own right. He can handle it. He knows he can. He doesn't doubt - not exactly. But he's never yet had to prove it, and he is very, very afraid.

He changes back. He crosses his arms and regards him consideringly. 

Raika-seren looks up at him, and manages a smile.

"If you want me to take you home to your alt instead, I will. Choose me."

"I don't want you to take me home to my alt," he says. "I want you to take me home to your palace."

And - if the history he remembers was one they shared, he'd walk right up and kiss him. But he hesitates. Not because he's afraid, although he certainly is. But because - he doesn't know if this is Maitimo wanting him or just Maitimo wanting to torture him, and if it's the second thing, he'll cooperate and he'll do what he's told but it would feel - wrong - to make spontaneous gestures of affection.

Maitimo teleports them. Eleven dizzying hops.

Raika-seren remembers his alt telling him that he can handle this. He believes it. He is going to get so very fucked up, and then, eventually, he is going to be fine.

Palace. He can teleport Taliar's clothes off; he does that.

Okay.

He's definitely still terrified and definitely not in the good way but he's - he's not down to pure willpower, he's still capable of doing things instead of making himself do them.

He waits for Maitimo to tell him what to do.

Come here.

His breath catches; his heart races; he goes.

He holds him still and tilts his head back and kisses him.

He makes a small sound, a half-stifled sob, and tears spill down his cheeks and he feels sick and awful and horrified and - he is going to be okay, they both know he is going to be okay, Maitimo said he wouldn't do this if Taliar couldn't handle it and Taliar trusts that. He closes his blurred and stinging eyes and says, I love you.

I know you do, and I'm going to enjoy that, so much. And he pulls him into bed.

He smiles. He cries. He cries kind of a lot. He is perfectly cooperative and constantly terrified and he loves Maitimo so much and he doesn't regret this, he loses hold of that certainty a few times but it's always there when he goes looking for it, he would rather be doing this for Maitimo than be off with their alts partaking of uncomplicated adoration and happiness.

He doesn't get any uncomplicated adoration or happiness. Maitimo doesn't even talk to him much. When he's done he leaves. 

He does turn to look searchingly at him on the way out.

He is curled up shivering and he looks up when Maitimo pauses but he can't see his expression clearly because of the tears.

He goes back to work and he listens to his present think.

His present thinks:

Yeah he's really fucked up right now. He expected to be really fucked up and here he is, really fucked up. Good job predicting that one. Also, the sun is likely to rise tomorrow and Emperor Esarkan will live forever.

Being tortured by a Maitimo who visibly cares about him is amazing. Being tortured by a Maitimo who only occasionally lets slip an implication that he's interesting or worthwhile is... not amazing. It's pretty awful, in fact. He feels... only just barely appreciated enough, and he doesn't know to what extent that's intentional, but given what Maitimo said about how Yeerking works it probably wasn't as accidental as all that...

...which actually implies he might be more appreciated than Maitimo is letting on, but he's not going down that road. It would be - 'cheating' isn't quite the word, but it would feel unfair, uncooperative, to conclude that Maitimo feels differently about him than he seems to and then try to figure out what he really thinks. If Maitimo wants him to feel just-barely-appreciated-enough then Raika-seren will extend him the courtesy of not making him work any harder for it than he has to. He got all that sort of thing out of his system in his short time with their alts. He is not here to be difficult.

'Only just barely appreciated enough' might not even be the right way to describe it. There's definitely a threshold he is just barely clearing, but if he went below it he'd still make it through, it would just take him a lot more time and effort to recover.

...the thing is, he can't get out the way Elaneth-imire did. He can't go back over what just happened to him and make himself want it. Because he still doesn't know if Maitimo actually wants him, and until he knows that, it would feel - wrong, presumptuous, to deliberately cultivate desire. It would feel like he was making an imposition. He'll do it if Maitimo tells him to, or if Maitimo tells him that it would be interesting or pleasant or otherwise positive, but short of that, no.

Which leaves him curled up in bed shaking with horror and needing to find a new way through that.

And - in Maitimo's bed. He doesn't feel welcome here. He feels like he's intruding in Maitimo's space.

He takes a few deep breaths and then he gets up and gets dressed and makes himself stop crying and goes back to his own room. Then he hesitates, because it feels... weirdly self-indulgent to curl up and shake some more. Instead he sits on his bed and leans against the headboard and wraps his arms around his knees and closes his eyes and tries to keep still.

Okay. Okay. He feels awful. He has excellent reasons to feel awful. Maitimo just gave him the most intense Nahira flashback of his life and then fucked him just to watch him fall apart. Which is... flattering, in a way, and endearing in a way, and also rather intensely traumatic. Particularly given the parallels. He knows Maitimo is not like Nahira, but at the moment he's kind of undersupplied with evidence that Maitimo is not like Nahira, and there is definitely an uncomfortable resemblance between the two situations.

Well. That's an unfair comparison and he should dismantle it regardless of whether or not that'll help, but also, it will definitely help.

He knows better than to think Maitimo is in this to destroy him for personal amusement. Maitimo let him choose, and he chose this. He chose this because he loves Maitimo and wants him to be happy. He chose this because he wants to be Maitimo's present. Maitimo said he wouldn't do this if he didn't think Taliar could handle it, and Taliar trusts him completely about that. Maitimo said it would be fascinating, and the way Maitimo is fascinated by Taliar's pain is flattering and lovely and not at all about wanting to shred him beyond repair and then play with the scraps. So there's that association taken care of. Maitimo is not Nahira.

And now he's - actually now he's sobbing uncontrollably, why is he doing that, he's making progress - and he was half-numb before and now that he's doing better it hurts more, right, okay, that makes sense. Well. He's not going to make much more progress like this; might as well not fight himself over it. He curls up and huddles under a blanket and puts his face in his hands and cries.

He gives a couple capable people the teleport for famine relief; he composes a letter for Esarkan's attention saying that while the peal would not generally share their teleport, once the teleport is out they might be persuadable to share the healing; depending how easily Esarkan can get a hold of his miracle-worker it could be worth asking.