"I'll tell Quasar about it, and I'll register every time I feel tempted, and I'll review that when I'm back home to make sure I didn't skip anything, and if I do slip we'll see what went wrong and have a better idea of further solutions. What—parts of the problem—does that fail to address, at least until we know more? —that's a genuine question, I'm not trying to—say that it's definitely enough and we should stop thinking right now."

"Well, I guess it feels like I'm being a dick keeping you in an emotional holding pattern but maybe that's just not solvable today. It also doesn't cover the restitution angle at all, but I could see myself settling for you just disowning your father and no longer taking his money. Who in Quasar are you most comfortable talking to?"

"I... don't know. I wasn't thinking of having any individual person do it, I was more imagining getting—institutional help. Whatever they can offer. As for my father, I—don't know how I would—do restitution, I still—hate him. No longer taking his money is fine, not having anything to do with him is fine—though I think he was bluffing when he said he'd disown me. As far as I know his wife hasn't yet agreed to give him another child to inherit this business and if he doesn't get someone then he'd need to pass it all down to my dongsaeng, whom I've never met and I'm not sure my father has either. It would feel to him like giving his wealth to his wife's family, I think.

"I don't know what he'd do if I tried that anyway."

"...is there any reason to care about the fate of his corporation or whether he likes the number and dispositions of children his choices have left him with, I am not immediately seeing a reason to care about that. I don't have to wish him particularly well to want to not profit off his mind control."

"No. That's why the thing I said I'm not sure how to do is just the restitution, not having anything more to do with him is fine."

"Right. That can go on the backburner." Sigh. Handsqueeze.

Handsqueeze. Haru is squeezing his hand. Haru isn't leaving. He still might, but... not right now.

He feels like crying.

"...I'm trying to think of a better question than 'are you okay', but don't immediately have one -"

He laughs weakly. "I am—better than I was yesterday after we got home."

"...okay.

"...if we discover that being backlashed is a big risk factor, or actually even just until we discover that it isn't, you need a backup guiding plan. I have no intention of dying on you but if I do anyway, or if I run to Japan to bail Yamanaka out of a pickle after she unplannedly rescues thirty orphans from a burning building or something and I'm not on hand, or something. If Tae-gun can guide you from meters away this does not have to involve anything conventionally impinged on by monogamy but you certainly seem to have monogamy feelings about it anyway?"

He shuts his eyes. "It feels—wrong—for someone other than you to guide me. But—I could probably get over it. If I tried. It might be because of how strong my mental associations are between guiding and sex, from how that was the only reasonable option for me with my prior partners. It feels a bit like—having someone else give me an orgasm. Maybe."

"Okay, if Yamanaka rescues thirty orphans from a burning building I can ask Woo-young to haul her here, but - probably work on that in the background and be ready to do it fast if something bad happens."

"Yeah. I'll do that."

Pet pet.

He leans into it and sighs.

"This has to have been really hard and I'm glad you told me even though it was hard to digest."

It was so hard.

"In the interest of transparency," because he cannot shut the fuck up, "I am not sure how long it'll take me to get over my—anxiety—so I'll probably feel the need to cling to you a lot and be half-convinced you're about to leave any minute now. And I realise this might come off as incredibly offputting and—make it more likely to happen—but."

"- okay. Enough that I should cancel some more dungeons?"

"I think this will last several days so you probably shouldn't change your schedule because of it."

"Okay. I cancelled my first one for the day already, though, is this a good time to go to Quasar and have an awkward meeting?"

God. "Does it have to be in-person." Hasn't his pride been hurt enough.

"No, I don't think that's necessary. I wish we had a specific point person to report to instead of nebulous scheduling teams and procurement teams etcetera..." He scrolls through contacts trying to figure out who to text.

Well there's this one esper who's been in Quasar almost since its inception...

You free? Kind of heavy complicated followup on the general topic of Jaeha's backlash hole which I mentioned before.

He does not reply immediately.