"And yet I completely failed to bring the topic up over the past several days because the thought that I might inconvenience him," especially after all the everything about how he's a horrible villain, "feels terrifying and it is furthermore really embarrassing to have to admit that I felt bad that he didn't want to go to a fancy restaurant with me when I turned out to not even want it that much either, and if I act embarrassing or immature or needy or clingy he will surely get tired of me and leave."

Dr. Park is writing a lot of notes here. A lot of them. She looks fascinated. "Are there sacrifices you do ask of him?"

He's happy to be an interesting case study. 

"It is in full recognition that this is insane and not true that I say that my immediate, intuitive emotional response is 'being with me is sacrifice enough'. Other than that..." He didn't exactly ask Haru to spend a month on an insane schedule so that he could accumulate enough backlash to help guide him to zero most efficiently but that wasn't not a sacrifice he made for Jaeha's sake. But he doesn't want to go into details. "There was something he did for me that was... kind of exhausting and difficult and time-consuming, which I didn't ask him to do, but which benefitted me greatly, and which I still feel a bit like I—sort of owe him for."

"Hm, would he say you owe him for it?"

"Probably not?" Jaeha doesn't think so? Not in so many words, at least? He did say he thought it was important to make sure you're sane regularly and... he said he likes Jaeha... and also he let Jaeha feel it which was a feeling better than guided sex honestly. ...oh, he should suggest that Haru let him feel it when he's coming, he gets so much enjoyment out of feeling his partners come. He'd also offer the reverse but something tells him Haru would Really Rather Not.

Then again, maybe he wouldn't? His personal dispreference seemed very strongly on the mental privacy side? Food for thought.

"Hm. Can you think of a concession from him - even a very small one - that you'd be able to ask for? Like going to that fancy restaurant, even."

"...uh..."

Patient smile.

"I guess I could?" That is still making him feel awful though.

"It sounds hard?"

"Yeah." He's so pathetic.

"Would it be easier to ask him over text than out loud? Would it help to tell him it's homework from me?"

Oh. "Yes. To both." His brain is so stupid.

"Well, then, that's homework. Pay attention to how it feels throughout, while you're working up to it and while you ask and while you're waiting for an answer and once you've got one. I'm going to want to hear about that, but you can also tell him how you're feeling, too - again over text if that helps."

"Okay. I, uh. Can do that." Homework. From therapy. That sounds so fucking bizarre.

"And we're coming up on the end of the time slot. Is there anything else you want to mention before we wrap?"

"I guess not?" He feels like he's already dumped so much on this poor therapist. He's not sure he... likes... therapy... but it's probably too early to tell, and he has next steps of things to do so he probably should do them and see what that does.

"Shall I put you down for the same time next week?"

"Yeah. I think that works."

Write write. "Then I'll see you then, Kang Jaeha-nim. I'm going to email you a couple of screening questionnaires, too, they shouldn't take more than fifteen to twenty minutes all told."

More therapy homework. Absolutely bizarre.

"It's been..." A pleasure? "Interesting, doctor-nim. I'm looking forward to our future sessions."

"Likewise." She waves and the video freezes on her mid-smile.

Okay! That was hard and scary and stressful and, what was it that his ✨boyfriend✨ called it, ego-syntonic? It was ego-syntonic, for an ego that he's not quite fully inhabiting yet but is doing so enough to feel the edges of it. 

Speaking of his ✨boyfriend✨, is he home, did he go to a dungeon?

He timed one with this in mind and his estimate was pretty good - mere moments later: "Tadaima!"

"Okaeri!" Jaeha calls back, walking up to Haru to hug him.