lost Epic in Nexus
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"Yeah, he likes that story. They were so grateful and then discovered shampoo commercials!"

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"Shampoo commercials and action movies and homosexuality, their poor little worldview crumbling just like that. He used to take breaks from installing suicide triggers by the thousand and decompress by reading what Valinor'd censored now.

 

 

Shampoo commercials really are a bit much, though."

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"Do Elves not have shampoo, or not have commercials, or do you just have to advertise it really discreetly with, I don't know, euphemistic long grass blowing in the wind or something?"

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"Elves have shampoo, but you wouldn't air commercials for it any more than you'd air commercials for sex toys. I could suggest euphemistic long grass to someone's marketing department. Those commercials do have more downloads than I think anything else on Valinor's internet."

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"That's adorable. Do they also sneak off to read 'Rapunzel'?"

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"I think they'd take quite the wrong conclusions about her character from the bit where she throws down her hair to a stranger. ...among the many hardships in my young life was that the most popular pairing in secret gay hairpetting literature was the King and an old friend of his. Perhaps these days the selection's improved."

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"...Secret. Gay. Hairpetting. Literature."

(The hawk starts laughing.)

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"With plausible deniability, too, it mostly featured circumstances where through absolutely no fault of their own these poor idiot Elves ended up with their hair all unbraided - humans must just not be very sensitive -"

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"Not in the hair, no. I'm a little unclear, does the hair itself have biologically irregular nerves or is it just the scalp and 'hair' is substantially a metonym -?'

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"We don't have nerves in our hair, no, but touching the scalp directly would be horrible so I think the emphasis is correctly placed."

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"Makes sense."

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"...curious?"

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"It would be a terrible failure of hospitality to leave you that way."

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"...wow, I rate claiming the venue as your own to make a line work, huh?"

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"You rate as many outrageous claims as you like. My alt who's actually dating a Bell gave him a planet."

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"An inhabited one?"

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"...well it'd be kind of trivial otherwise, wouldn't it? He was temporarily indisposed and declined to take it over himself so Island did it for him."

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"Awwwwww. That's even better than when Sue - War, since they forked - got elected Hegemon when Aegis was stranded."

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"He was talking about that earlier! It is widely known at this point that one seduces Bells by handing them magic and political power."

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"...that is not an unfair summary. Widely known?"

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"Well, among mes, those being the members of this peal with a particular interest in the subject."

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"You poor impoverished template having to make do with only a couple boy ones. Convenient none of us happened to also be straight."

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"And inconvenient none of us happen to also be girls. Glass says we don't even come in straight. ...I would probably hit on boy Bells just on principle but my geneticists really were absolutely delighted with you."

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"But if I did not delight geneticists or do something comparable would I truly be a Bell."

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