Bruce Banner has just returned from his lab, where his latest experiment came out really well. He should go straight to bed, because it's six in the morning, but he can't seem to become the right kind of tired, probably also because it's six in the morning. So instead he's watching the sun rise out the window of his cozy (tiny) grad-dorm single room.
"It's pretty great! Also I'm glad it doesn't look like it's changing us in the same direction, if we converged on some alien's idea of the perfect human that would be kind of messed up."
Not that he wouldn't fuck an identical duplicate of himself, especially if it was an actual fork so he could be in two places at once, especially especially if he could experience both perspectives of the fuck at the same time. Just saying, here in the nonprivacy of his own head.
"...I should probably tell you something."
(Quick check to make sure this part of the stacks is still empty) "Shoot."
"...uh, I'm pretty sure if you get my BOD much higher than this it's going to turn me into a girl."
"Huh. Because you want that, or for some other reason? I'm conveniently bisexual, so I don't have to worry about it if you don't." He was worried for a second there that it was going to be some form of Doom again.
He stares at his feet and mumbles something inaudible.
"I didn't catch that, so I'm going to assume it was 'mind your own business'. Want any skills?"
He still looks pretty uncomfortable.
"Yeah... uh, probably I want SED and FUK and Cuddle and Beauty With Brains... I don't really have any use for Biochemistry but it's really painful to turn down knowledge... can you offer me things besides skills and quests and stats?"
"I see no reason why anyone would turn down even irrelevant knowledge skills. Brace yourself, it's a rush." He drops all the requested skills on Aarons one after the other. "Also there's an, uh, Harem Members menu? I did not name it that that's what it's called." What's even in there, is it just a list of everyone he's done ero things with.
"Apparently Asher is in my harem. I dunno, I think it might be more accurate to say I'm in his harem, if we're going to be phrasing it like that."
".........I think that means you can assign me Asher as a harem member."
"I agree that's probably what it means. In case there was any question, I am not doing that. Unless you and Asher both think it's a good idea I guess."
"I wonder what it would... do. Would it make him think I'm really hot? Or be in love with me?"
"Yeah, it could be anything from instant mind-control love to instant thinking you're hot to arranging a series of coincidences so you run into each other in circumstances that put you both in a good light until you fall in love almost-naturally."
"...yeah, let's not get the hot guy in instant mind control love with me, there are much better people for him to be in instant mind control love with."
"I'm still hoping I can keep the mind control to a minimum. Oh, hey, you know what we should do, we should see if you can use nectars."
".........Iiiiiiiiiii don't think I want the irreversible skill that makes magic shit happen to me every time I swallow someone's come."
"So far it's all been good shit, but yeah, that's super valid."
"Hmm, I still need three more ERO this weekend. Want to try going to a makeup place and see if people's cognitive biases make them think you're a girl? Or we can make out on a roof, there's a roof I know how to get onto."
"........yes. yes I do."
"Is that yes to both? Because I think we've got time."
"...........yeah. It's a yes to both."
"Awesome." Google Maps, get them to a Sephora. He can't match Lev's huge brass nuts in defiance of the universe, but he can at least defy a social expectation.
"We could probably get an Uber and fuck the driver," Lev says, intently grinding stats.
"Hah, sure, I bet there's at least one Uber driver in town who's down to fuck and we'll inevitably get that one." He summons an Uber.
"While we wait, I can fit arbitrary appendages in any of my orifices, and I want to experiment with that while I'm not distracted by anything else. One sec." He turns politely away from the curb and attempts to stuff his entire arm down his throat like some kind of messed-up sword swallower.