"I love her, I guess, I just."

I just talk to you when I'm upset and not her.

He hugs Ben tighter still. "...I think my real feeling here is that you shouldn't plan to get married while that's still an 'I guess.'" 

"Then I might not ever end up getting married to anyone at all."

"I don't know about your parents, but one of the things my mom was always very careful to warn me about was getting married too soon because I didn't think there'd ever be another chance." 

"My parents were not really big on the, uh, useful life advice."

He laughs, a little. It's not really funny. "It's still true. And — not only is that something you definitely can't know while you're fifteen — even if it was true, if you didn't get married and instead designated heirs you already know and already trust, would that be such a bad thing?" 

"I think certainty of succession is important. The way you prevent civil wars is having it be very very clear who the heir is. Adoptive monarchies typically tend to be less stable."

(It sounds like Asher.)

"First of all I can tell you're quoting Asher. Second of all, you aren't wrong, but adding more things you're overwhelmed and freaked out about when you don't have to do that isn't going to make you more capable." 

Hugs are really nice.

"...I... am pretty sure I'm right that I'm not really going to fall in love with someone."

There's a pang of something. Chen isn't sure what. 

"Okay," he says, instead of 'why.' "Do you want to talk about it, do you want to lie down so we can cuddle more, do you want both —" 

"...I do want to cuddle you. I don't know if I want to talk about it, I don't want you to think less of me..."

"You don't have to." Bed? Bed. 

Bed!

"I don't... like... girls. In the normal way."

"Does Audrey know?" 

"I don't think anyone knows except you and maybe Asher but if he knows he hasn't talked to me about it."

"Then you definitely shouldn't marry her, that's a disaster waiting to happen." 

"I could try to hide it forever?"

"Any plan that involves hiding from your wife forever that you don't love her is not a good plan." 

"I'm not sure that I... can love people. Not really."

"...then maybe you find someone who you like and trust and is okay with a political marriage. And maybe you don't, and instead you figure out something else for heirs. But trying to hide from your wife forever that you don't love her is still going to blow up." 

"Okay." He snuggles up to Chen. "You're so good."

"You're so good." 

"Do you think I should keep dating Audrey?"

He considers the question, tries to separate it from how tight his stomach gets whenever he sees her. "....I think that if you don't love her and she doesn't know and she's already thinking about marriage and won't take 'not that fast' for an answer, that's going to blow up and it's going to blow up soon." 

"I think... I love her as much as I can."