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Dec 11, 2019 8:39 AM
Sadde is the Champion of Ingnam
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"I also didn't say you had to go it alone. That mouse-morph seemed competent, feel free to involve him. I'm sure you'll encounter others. What you can't do is walk away and fight the good fight from the safety of middle-management."

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"Well if I were going to finance a revolution I absolutely would also fight if that turned out to be a good use of my time - anyway, that's moot, if what you say is right I might be somehow uniquely suited to this job. Sorry for the pointless arguing, I kinda do that."

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"I can see we'll get along famously," the sword drawls. "Would you care to practice some magic?"

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"Uh, sure, but maybe I should figure out food and possibly shelter first? I suppose I could always get back to the cabin if we're gonna stay in this forest a while, but I no longer have, what was it, incubus draught and also I might not be as receptive to it tomorrow."

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"Ah," the sword says. "I ask because there's a goblin sneaking through the bushes about to attempt to rape you."

The relevant goblin's head pops up out of the bushes. "Motherfucker!"

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He whirls around and tilts his head. "You know, if you ask me for sex, I might actually say yes."

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"Really?" The goblin looks fascinated. "Alright then, fill me with babies!"

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"- wait, are humans and goblins even cross-fertile?"

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"Yeah!" the goblin grins.

"Extremely so," the sword says with some distaste.

 

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"Huh. That's pretty interesting. Anyway, is there a way for me to have sex with -" Sadde examines the goblin. "- her without the corruption thing?" he asks the sword. "Because like, I really like my empathy even if I'm okay with getting more, ah, let's go with 'perverted'."

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"Goblins don't spread corruption," Enserric says. "They do, however, seek out and rape their fathers when they come of age after two weeks. If you would rather not sleep with or vanquish your daughters, I advise against allowing goblins access to your seed."

The goblin gives Sadde an impressive pair of big sad puppydog eyes.

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"Wait, why do they do that? Isn't that - bad for possible offspring, or something, I'm not sure how it works with goblins I guess but if a human daughter had a kid with her father that's high chances of the kid coming out wrong."

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"Of course it is," the sword sighs. "They don't care."

"It's traditional," the goblin objects.

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"Look, far be it from me to, ah, criticise your culture, but the whole rape thing is kind of terrible? Like, trust me, sex where both people are actively enjoying it and trying to get each other off and stuff actually just feels better."

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“I’m booooored,” the goblin moans. “Are we gonna fuck, or am I gonna have to beat you up until you stop talking first?”

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"I think I'll have to respectfully decline your offer. I'd wish you good luck on your endeavours but I really don't think I want you to rape more people so I won't actually."

And this entire conversation was quite enough to kill his boner, thank you very much, so he'll mentally prepare to do the thing where he does magic.

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The goblin unsheathes a long knife from her belt. “I’ll get my babies one way or another!”

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Okay so he can try to cast that spell, can't he? Blind, or whatever.

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There’s a bright flash of light in front of the goblin’s face. She screeches and waves her knife wildly in his direction while rubbing furiously at her eyes with her free hand. 

“Excellent,” the sword says. “Now we stab.”

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"- hey, I kinda don't wanna just kill people randomly?"

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“You are a terrible listener. I did not say to kill her, I said to stab her. Those are entirely different things. -in Mareth specifically, I mean. You can’t kill someone without meaning to. Sorry, I kind of forgot what the human world was like.”

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"...okay, fine, I don't want to maim people like that either!"

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The sword groans. “Fiiiiine. This is going to make it very difficult to accumulate capital, though.”

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"I'm sure prostitution's a thing and if that's the only way I get some semblance to consensual sex here it seems like as good a way as any of getting money!"

He's gonna go away from the goblin, though, because yikes.

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Once they’re far enough away from the goblin, Enserric says “Before, you mentioned that you had to ‘figure out shelter’ - you don’t. Distance and direction in Mareth are mutable; if you set out intending to reach your cabin, you’ll get there.”

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