"Stop it," he says, "I don't-- want--"

He's kind of fucking Tazalkyran's mouth.

That is honestly incredibly fucking hot.

Ben is supposed to keep objecting-- he's kind of forgotten why he's supposed to keep objecting, it feels so good and Tazalkyran is making him and it would be even nicer if Tazalkyran held him down or hit him or--

It is unclear even to Ben whether, when he ineffectually attempts to shove Tazalkyran away, this is to get him to stop or to get him to hurt him.

Tazalkyran definitely has an interpretation.

He wraps his hands around Ben's hips, pins him against the wall, digs in his fingers with bruising strength.

Ben says "no" and "don't" and "stop"-- he struggles-- he feels so good, it's hard to think, he wants this so badly--

It's beautiful, it's wonderful, to make Ben feel this good, to pin him to a wall and give him everything he wants whether he likes it or not.

He gasps and comes down Tazalkyran's throat.

He hums happily and swallows and takes his mouth away and...

...finally realizes the problem.

"Fuck—I'm sorry—are you okay—"

"Uh," Ben says eloquently.

There are a lot of feelings and he really needs to sort through all of them before he can have an opinion.

"Sorry," he repeats. What an inadequate word.

Aaaaaaah what the fuck does he do with this, what the fuck, he—he doesn't know how to help—he wants to hug him and he wants to leave him alone and he doesn't trust his sense of which things Ben might prefer that he do, because look where that damn thing just got him—fuck.

He stands up, looking earnestly sorry and kind of distraught—steps back a little, instinctively placing himself so Ben isn't boxed in and has a clear line to an exit, although he's too freaked out to be consciously calculating in those terms—can't quite stop himself from reaching out a little, but catches himself and pulls his hand back before it touches Ben's arm.

If Ben were collected and together, he would reassure Tazalkyran that while his behavior was not really acceptable it's all okay. 

However, he just lost his virginity to a man while still not being entirely certain how gay sex works, so he is pretty overwhelmed right now.

"—sorry," he says again, "I—I don't know what to do—I'm sorry—"

And he backs away and turns and leaves.

Asher said if Tazalkyran raped anyone he'd gut him. He is probably not going to get any more merciful given that Tazalkyran raped his best friend. So. Run away, maybe? —no. He rejects the thought almost as soon as he has it. It's not just that he has no idea how to even begin to get away safely—if it was his only remaining chance at survival and he wanted to take it he could try—but if he leaves then Asher will be sad, probably, even though Tazalkyran is objectively kind of a terrible boyfriend, and if he leaves then Asher also might not know he's sorry. It feels very important that Asher should know he's sorry.

And if he's not going to leave then he'd better find Asher and tell him. He—can't hide it, both in the sense that he'd be an idiot to try and in the sense that his whole soul rebels at the thought of such a staggering deception. Even just not having told him yet kind of hurts a little, even though the thought of telling him also hurts. A lot of things hurt right now.

He hopes Asher is in his apartment because he can't really think of a second place to look.

"How'd it go?"

Asher is smiling at him and that hurts.

"I fucked up."

"What happened? I can fix it."

"If you can fix it that's great because I have no fucking idea how to—Ben is so cute and sweet and pretty and I kissed him a lot and decided to suck his dick and he really liked it but—after a bit he told me to stop and I didn't listen—I wasn't thinking—I realized afterward and I told him I'm sorry and asked if he's okay and he just kind of said 'uh' and then I ran away."

"Literally the only thing I have asked you to do is not rape anyone!"

"I know! I don't—if I'd been thinking at all I would've stopped, I don't want to hurt him and I don't want to hurt you and I don't particularly want you to murder me either but honestly I didn't even think of that one until I was already out of the room—I don't know what to do."

"I promised I would."

"I'm sorry."

"I know you are but-- what happens next time you get carried away?"

He shakes his head. "I don't, that's what. I—since we first kissed has just been a constant parade of 'this feels like a bad idea but it's so hot and he's so into it', and it turns out actually that's a terrible thought process that I should never listen to again."

"It's not my fault you raped somebody!"

"—what the fuck??? Of course not???"