"Did I object to you almost killing me?"

"No! So why should anybody else?"

"If people kept almost killing their husbands, lots of people would actually die, and that would be bad."

"...okay, that's true. But—the bad thing there is that I keep thinking with my dick and doing stupid things that could kill you if we weren't lucky, and I feel like that's not what most people are going to think the problem is, you know?"

"I don't mind that you keep thinking with your dick and doing stupid things that might kill me, but you probably care more than I do about me dying and less about that one face you make."

"I care a lot about you dying! Which face?"

"The one you make when you almost kill me! --I usually object to dying but if I'm dying to make you happy that's really romantic and I'm okay with it."

"Awwwwwww. I love you."

"I love you too!"

"Your face is so good. It's the best face." And now he must kiss it.

Oh no. This is such a horrible fate. Whatever will Asher do.

He must make his peace with the turn his life has taken. Hopefully this will involve kissing back.

It will involve copious kissing back, and his hands in Tazalkyran's hair, and hopeful hipwiggles.

Mmmm.

Mmmmm indeed.

Pinning Asher to the bed and fucking him went so well last time; let's try it again.

It went extremely well!

"We should get rope," he says, "so you can tie me down and have free hands."

"Ooh." Kiss. "Yes. Love you."

"And other things. Take you to a sex toy store and let you get whatever you want."

"...I didn't even know that was a thing," he says, delightedly.

"Well, they're called 'marital aids' and 'novelties,'" Asher says judiciously, "but they have lots of nice things-- to hit people with and to hurt them and to tie them up and also just, like, things that feel nice on your genitals--"

"A whole store of them," he says, contemplating what might be found in such a store. "Amazing."

He grabs his phone from the nightstand and finds a website. "See for yourself. You can wishlist things you want."

!

This website proves to be a highly effective distraction from makeouts. He snuggles up and browses.

The kinds of available marital aids include dildoes, anal toys, vibrators, strapons, male masturbation toys, lingerie, sex furniture, condoms, oral sex toys, sex games, and "kinky bondage."