"That's not the same thing."

"Then what would be the same thing?"

What if instead of explaining himself he just starts crying again.

Then Marlo will hold him tighter and murmur nonsense into his hair. 

"I'm just. A failure. And you're not."

"...then I love you anyway." 

Knock on the door. 

"Kids, you might want to be heading back to the camp soon if you want to get any sleep tonight."

"Do we want to get any sleep tonight?" 

"Not... really?"

"All right," Ron says. "I should warn you about the risks you're running by visiting me, though."

Here's where we get to the drugs and orgies and pagan rituals.

"Go on?" He's holding Lev protectively. 

"Chris doesn't kick people out of True Directions. H-- She'll encourage you to be straight, but that's it. Chris believes that you can't change unless you want to change, and if you don't want to change the best thing True Directions can do for you is keep you around and give you another chance. But if you come here often, Chris will report to your parents that you're still gay, and you'll get whatever consequences you can expect from that." 

Lev is curling inward on himself.

"Yeah," he says, "we should head back, then." He kisses Lev's forehead. 

"In the ten years I've been running the ex-ex-gay camp, I've never seen someone successfully hide a relationship from Chris. It'd be easier if you were a girl, Serena is a bit of an idiot." 

"Even so, staying out as late as possible isn't a great idea." 

(He still doesn't ask how Ron knows Christine, but he files the slip earlier away to consider when he has more time.) 

"I. I'd rather stay actually. And read."

"Then we'll stay and read." 

"How-- long can we date? Until Chris is going to say that we're gay to our parents?"

"It's hard to say exactly. Halfway through, maybe a bit longer, if you confess of your own free will and have a really good story about how you came to realize that homosexuality is wrong. --Chris can tell if you're faking the confession."

...he tries to keep his face neutral, anyway. 

"Fortunately, there's another resource I can provide. I have a network throughout the country of people who are supportive of gay teenagers. If you're disowned, or if you'd rather not live with your parents for any reason, I can find you someone to stay with. If you're interested, I can connect you to some people who participated in the network, as well as some people who might be willing to take you in." 

He'd known in the abstract that — this — would mean giving up on the life his parents had wanted for him, but it's different hearing an offer to help him run away. 

"I don't think it matters much for me, I'll be eighteen in August." 

"It matters for me," Lev says quietly. "If I decide to be gay."