"In reality, ninety percent of gay male couples that have lasted at least five years have had sex outside of their primary relationship. On average, they have eight outside sexual partners a year."

He feels kind of sick. "That's... a lot."

And-- he and Marlo have only been together for a few weeks, and they're at ex-gay camp, and he still slept with two other people. In the few weeks where he was living as a gay man, he had sex with three different people, he had an orgy, he took drugs-- there's no reason to believe Christine is wrong about any of it. 

What if he gave up his family for a relationship with Marlo and then Marlo broke up with him eighteen months from now?

What if he gave up his family for a relationship with Marlo and then Marlo-- he wouldn't, he would never, Marlo loves him-- but Christine said they pretended to love you, early on, no one would stay in a relationship with an abuser if they weren't sweet and romantic to begin with--

"You want to have children, Lev. Tell me, does that seem like a stable environment for children?"

"No."

"Even if you and Marlo defied the odds and were a stable monogamous gay couple, children need a mother and a father to thrive. You would never be able to give your child the special bonding relationship of breastfeeding. You wouldn't be able to nurture them in the special way that a mother can. Women have a special understanding of infants and children that men don't."

He wants to be a good father, that's important, that's one of the most important things--

He's curling in a little bit on himself. "That makes sense."

"And though I don't want to bring it up-- the various ways that people are broken sexually are correlated with each other. A person who struggles with homosexuality, or who has one paraphilia, is more likely to have others. That's why sadomasochism is so common in the gay community. And that's also why gay men are more likely to desire inappropriate relationships with children."

It feels like he's not present in his own body. 

"I understand that."

"What do you think will happen," Christine says, and her voice is so compassionate, "if you don't recover from your homosexuality?"

"Marlo and I are probably going to have sex with other people," he says. His voice is quiet, a little monotonous. "Maybe lots of other people. We might get STDs. We might get HIV. I wouldn't-- feel safe and secure in the relationship because he's seeing other people. I might-- someone might offer me drugs and I'll say 'yes' and I could wind up addicted. He might get bored with me after a while and break up with me. He might-- he might hit me, or call me names, or-- or rape me, or the kids, if we have them. Even if he doesn't we wouldn't end up doing right by the kids."

"What I'm hearing is that being gay goes against your values," Christine says. "You care about having a stable, monogamous relationship and about being a good father to your kids someday. And homosexuality might get in the way of that."

"Yeah. That's right."

He wants to die.

"If you were to decide to change, what would you have to do to make this happen?"

"I'd have to tell Marlo I'm breaking up with him. I'd have to stop talking to Sasha and going to Ron's. I'd have to stop sneaking off to the woods-- maybe I'd stay in camp? I might have to stop talking to Marlo, if he pushes the issue."

"Very good," Christine says. "Would you like to talk about a plan to make that happen?"

His voice doesn't sound like his own.

"Yes."

Marlo next. 

He tries to make eye contact with Lev as Lev leaves his meeting — is he okay, how did it go?

Lev looks the most miserable that Marlo has ever seen him. 

"I'm rescheduling for tomorrow evening," Christine says, "I suggest you spend this hour talking to Lev."

"— alright," he says, and finds Lev and sits down near him. 

"Christine said I should spend this hour talking to you?" 

"I think maybe I-- no. I mean. I am going to try to be straight."

He is going to deal with this later. 

"Okay," he says, his voice even. "...is there anything I can do? To help?" 

He's very small. 

"Don't kiss me? Or. You know."

Or have sex with him. 

Or hold him, or touch him. 

Marlo's face is neutral. "Okay. I can do that." His voice is even. 

"I'm glad you're not-- pushing it."