The Tale of Criminalio [open] | Glowfic Constellation

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Criminalio. I am Criminalio, a Vile but Foolish Criminal who Mistakenly Believes I am bound for Elysium. I call upon my Fellow Citizens to Slay the Innocent, for they are Very Ugly.

Iomedaeus. The Heinous Crimes of Criminalio must be Stopped. I shall pass a Law saying that if he is Captured he shall be Put to Death.

Criminalio. Why should I fear Death, when I am a Righteous Man? I shall join the Righteous God Milani in Elysium and be Honored as a True Hero.

Iomedaeus. I do not think you will go to Elysium. I think you will go to the Abyss, as Murderers Ought.

Criminalio. I think you are Wrong. Come, Fellow Citizens, let us Take to the Streets with Pitchforks to Murder All Ugly People!

Iomedaeus. Woe! I have been Slain!

Wise and Honorable Magistrate. Would that I could Command that Criminalio be Tortured! Alas, I may only see him Hang.

Arodeus. From now on, Heinous Criminals should be Burned to Death.

Criminalio the Second. I do not fear Death, but I certainly fear Fire. I shall Stay Home.

SIMPLICIO: I am Simplicio, a Delegate to the Constitutional Convention. I have Occasionally Thought about the Law, and now consider myself Highly Qualified to Make it.

DELEGATIO: I am Delegatio, another Delegate to the Constitutional Convention. I am Unsure what Good Law is.

IOMEDIO: I am Iomedio, a Paladin of Iomedae, Wise and Learned in many matters, and a Delegate to the Constitutional Convention. I have Studied the Holy Texts of Iomedae, and learned how She created the Laws of Lastwall.

SIMPLICIO: We should Torture Criminals to Death like Asmodeus did.

DELEGATIO: Like Asmodeus? Isn't that Evil?

IOMEDIO: Yes, to Torture a Criminal is a Great Evil, for the Torturer places Himself in the place of Pharasma, Whose Responsibility it is to Assign each man his Due Punishment.

SIMPLICIO: No, it is Not Evil, because if it were Evil I would have to Stop. In any case it is Necessary to Stop Criminals.

DELEGATIO: Does it even Work to Stop Criminals? The Thrunes tortured Many People, but there were Still Criminals.

IOMEDIO: No, it does Not Work. In Iomedae's Holy Country, they torture No Men even for the most Heinous of Crimes, and there are Almost No Criminals.

SIMPLICIO: Yes, it Does Work. It Really Feels like it Ought to Work, so it Does. Besides, even if you are Not Persuaded by my Excellent Arguments, there might be a Criminal who decides to Repent because they are being Tortured.

DELEGATIO: Does that Ever Happen?

IOMEDIO: No, it does Not Happen. When a man is being Tortured, it is hard to think of Anything but the Pain of the Torture, and so he cannot Repent.

SIMPLICIO: Yes, it Does Happen. For my Father's Cousin's Wife's Best Friend's Niece told me it happened to a Criminal whom she Saw Executed.

DELEGATIO: I am Greatly Unsure of how I should Vote, for I have heard Arguments on Both Sides.

OWLIUS: Instead of Torturing Criminals, we should Throw them to the Owlbears to be Devoured for Sport.

DELEGATIO: I have Decided. I shall vote for Owlbears.