"They started dating while you were being depressed! Marlo's very cute about it, I don't actually talk to Z enough to know whether he is also being cute about it but I suspect the answer is yes." 

"Good for them! --I didn't know he was Marlo's type but I guess I didn't know what Marlo's type was other than, incomprehensibly, not me."

"I am so going to tell them you said that." 

"I hit on him once, you know."

"Is that how you got the impression he was straight." 

"In my defense, all gay men want to fuck me."

Lev snorts.

"With some exceptions."

"Empirically at least two gay men do not want to fuck you, and presumably there are others I don't happen to be friends with and/or dating." 

"Well, anyway, we were at some really boring gala, and I figured 'what the hell, he's really repressed, worth a shot' so I was like 'love the suit, makes you look even more like a dorito' and he was like '...a dorito?' and I was like 'you know, broad shoulders, trim waist, V-shaped back, general pinnacle of male beauty. A dorito.' And then he raised his eyebrow at me which is, like, not not a way people interact with me when they want to fuck me, so I was all 'you should give me the name of your tailor, unless the superserum makes everything fit like that.' And he gave me a very dubious and disapproving look and I was like 'well, which one is it?' and he was like 'are you seriously doing this?' and I was like '...yes' and then he did not actually roll his eyes at me but he very much gave the impression of rolling his eyes."

"...sounds like either you're not his type, he's unimpressed with your particular brand of flirting, or both. Probably both." 

"I think if someone said that to me," Lev volunteers, "I would go 'eep' and run away."

"— Asher put me down I need to hug my Lev." 

Asher puts him down. "I possibly also need to hug your Lev. --He's very good. I would date him if he were at all attracted to me."

"EEP."

Sasha hugs his Lev. "He's not wrong. You are very good." 

He puts his head into Sasha's shoulder. "I can't believe I'm turning down Asher Stark."

"I don't care," Asher says cheerfully, "I already have the two most excellent boyfriends in the world and if I had a third equally excellent boyfriend I don't know what I would do. Probably explode."

Lev makes a high-pitched noise into Sasha's shoulder.

"I can't believe that someone who turned down Asher Stark is dating me," Sasha says, and kisses Lev's cheek and puts his hand on the back of Lev's head and hugs him. "Please don't explode." 

"You're teasing me," he says. "It's not funny."

"I can hear the way you're smiling." Another kiss. "It's cute. You're cute." 

"Is Z going to have a sudden change of heart about the ethics of dating fifteen-year-olds now, and would it help if I said I am fifteen and eleven months?"

"No clue but he did not particularly object to Asher dating me." 

"Maybe I should-- wait, no, I am actually too terrified to finish that sentence." He buries his face into Sasha's shoulder. "He's so hot. I was about to say 'the hottest person I have ever met in person' but then I remembered you are my boyfriend and that might make you sad."