And while Kim Insoo thought that was happening Jaeha has been sitting on the floor of the shower stall under the water, scrolling through the news. What happened, what the fuck happened, how, how, this can't, this can't be real—

It's real. It's very, very real. The news are sparse on the details, clearly everyone's trying to keep as tight a lid on this as possible until they figure out what to tell the media, but you can't really paper over the entire team evacuating the dungeon, looking somewhere between concerned and terrified, except for Lee Tae-gun and Kim Hye-jin, and not draw conclusions. The media drew conclusions, and the guilds confirmed that the two espers have gone missing in such a way that they're presumed dead, and that's it.

Okay, the news are fucking useless, how about internal comms?

That does have more details! The dungeon got really, really violent all of a sudden, ate Kim Hye-jin, then Lee Tae-gun singlehandedly dispatched several huge monsters, took the brunt of several explosions to the face, then dove into the lava.

No.

He texts Insoo, saying that he's going in for a meeting at HQ, then grabs all of his clothes and requests a teleport to the silo they don't share.

He walks over to the table in his living room, flips it over, and starts screaming.

No. No no no no no this is not a way the world is allowed to be, this is not something that can happen. Lee Tae-gun has a hundred percent clearance rate on all dungeons rank A or lower, he has never gotten injured on duty, there is nothing that can hurt him, he's, he's—he can't die. He can't die. Nothing should be able to kill him, least of all himself, least of all because of that bitch.

How dare she? How dare she? She didn't even survive so that he could kill her himself, she took—took—she took Tae-gun and then took him again and she needs to hurt, she needs to hurt, she needs to die screaming, except she probably did and that's not enough. It's not enough. It should've been him, she should've died by his hand, and she should not have taken Tae-gun with her.

Tae-gun is his. Does she not understand this? Does no one understand this? Tae-gun. Is. His.

(Anger, he notes in the back of his mind. The thing he's feeling right now is anger. When someone starts trashing their dining room and kitchen and screaming and cursing dead people, they're angry.)

...and... something else?

He touches his cheek and looks at his fingers.

They're wet.

He's crying.

That's fitting, too, he supposes, because the last time he cried was also a time when he lost Tae-gun.

He's crying. He's sad. He's sitting on the floor, his energy has entirely left him, and he's crying. He's crying, because Tae-gun is dead.

He cried more, last time. He was a lot more able to feel things, so it shouldn't be surprising, but it feels... wrong. It feels wrong that not even Tae-gun's death is enough to pierce through his apathy. If anything could, that ought to have.

Tae-gun is... dead.

He doesn't know what to do. He doesn't know what to do. This has never been true, this hasn't been true for at least five years, he's always known what to do, always known what his next step was. There was only one thing, one thing he could care about, one goal above all others, and now it's gone, and he doesn't have anything to replace it with.

Jaeha feels... cold. He never feels warm, except he now realises he always did, or always warmer than this. He always had Tae-gun. Everything he was doing was for Tae-gun. Everything he was, everything he is, is for Tae-gun.

Tae-gun... is the love of his life.

Tae-gun is the love of his life. It's always been Tae-gun. Jaeha is nothing without Tae-gun. He was nothing before Tae-gun, and the only thing he was after Tae-gun was someone who needed to have Tae-gun. He needs Tae-gun. Needs it more than food and water and air, he needs Tae-gun.

He needs Tae-gun.

He needs Tae-gun he needs Tae-gun he needs Tae-gun he needs Tae-gun he needs Tae-gun he needs Tae-gun he needs Tae-gun he n

He can't breathe. He can't breathe. His air is gone. He needs Tae-gun. Tae-gun can't be gone. Tae-gun can't be gone. He needs Tae-gun. He can't breathe. Tae-gun can't be gone. He needs Tae-gun. He doesn't need air, he doesn't need to breathe, but he needs Tae-gun.

Tae-gun. Tae-gun. Tae-gun. Tae-gun. Tae-gun.

Tae-gun.

Tae-gun's face. Tae-gun's smile. Tae-gun's beautiful eyes and soft lips and smooth hair and shy blushing and the way he moaned when Jaeha was kissing him and the way he cried when Jaeha was fucking him and his long arms and his pretty hands and his firm torso and his delicious cock and his toned legs and his elegant feet and his smell and his taste and his voice and his breath and his happiness and his misery and his love and his hatred and

Tae-gun cannot be dead.

Fuck.

Tae-gun can't be dead. He can't be dead. Did Jaeha ever tell him how much he loved him? Did Jaeha say it enough times? Did he tell Tae-gun how beautiful Tae-gun was? How much he needed Tae-gun? Tae-gun can't be dead, because if Tae-gun is dead, that means Tae-gun died without Jaeha telling him those things. Or saying them enough times. Or making Tae-gun believe them enough. If he could—could—if only he could—

Jaeha knows what to do.

Tae-gun can't be dead. From that, it follows that the people who said he's dead are wrong.

So Jaeha just needs to prove it. He just needs to go there, he needs to go to that dungeon, and, and find Tae-gun. That's all. That's all he needs to do. He needs to stand up. He needs to stand up, he needs to, to be standing up. He can't walk to the dungeon if he's not standing up. He needs to stand up.

Jaeha needs to stand up. Why isn't he standing up?

His stomach. He feels something in his stomach. That's why he can't stand up. He's, he ate something bad, and it's affecting him. That's what that is. So even if he can't properly stand up, he can drag himself to the kitchen sink and pull himself up enough to go sick into it, and then his stomach will be fine, and he'll be able to stand up. That's what he'll do. That's what he does. So now he should be able to stand up.

...he should be able to stand up. He needs to stand up. Why is he still not standing up.

Food. That's why. He just went sick, so now his stomach is empty, and his blood sugar is low. He needs to eat. He should eat something sugary, for a burst of energy, but also something with more substance, to sustain him when he goes into the dungeon. It's Volcanic Range, that's not a dungeon you can go into on an empty stomach. So he needs to eat, and then wait until he has enough energy to stand up, and then he'll go to the dungeon, and then he'll find Tae-gun. That's what he'll do.

Tae-gun can't be dead. Tae-gun can't be dead. Tae-gun can't be dead. Tae-gun can't be dead.

(Please God, please don't let Tae-gun be dead. He can't, he can't live in a world where Tae-gun is dead. Please. He hasn't prayed since he was a child, hasn't prayed in decades, but please, please. If there's anyone listening, anyone at all. Please don't let Tae-gun be dead. Please let him be alright. Please let it be a misunderstanding, let it be a mirage, or a nightmare. Let it be Nightmare, let it be, let it be something else. Anything, anything else. Anything but this.)