"I don't really see how anyone can make up for something Evil just by thinking about it. It seems like no one at all would go to Hell, if that was the case, short of Asmodean priests."

"Oh, but Asmodeus worked so hard to make sure nobody thought about it. Or that if they thought about it, the thoughts were 'that was what anyone would have done', 'I had no choice', 'it didn't matter', 'it was my right to do so', 'next time I won't get caught', 'that didn't count' - absolutely any thought under the sun except that was wrong, I don't want to be that person, I wouldn't do it again, I would make great sacrifices to make it right again."

Nod. "But Shelyn thinks — the way for someone like that to make things right again — is to pray to Her until She'll take them, and then turn themself in?"

"Well, at that point it might depend on what exactly the problem is. That is what I would probably recommend trying for something like a bar brawl that became a murder."

"Let's say it was — did you see the pamphlet that was going around on the third, the one with that cleric's speech, talking about how anyone who died fighting the diabolists would make Heaven — and let's say they didn't kill anyone, but—"

"Oh, I did see that. It's not what she said at all, but it must have sounded so inspiring, the idea that there was something you could do right then and there to be Good and helpful, and if it were me I'd be just crushed to find out that actually it was all wrong."

Nod.

"Wouldn't have done if it I'd known it was Evil. Even if it didn't affect my soul one way or the other."

"Well, the good news is that does help. What you do matters more than how you're thinking about it but how you're thinking about it still matters a lot. You wanted to do Good, you made a mistake in who to listen to, you never would have done it if you realized."

"I don't think I'd trust that to keep me out of Hell."

"Do you want to tell me a little more about what happened that night and we can pray about it together?"

He doesn't want to die but it's better to die than to be damned—

"I found out about the pamphlet when someone did a reading in the café where I work. I thought — I've been trying to make up for everything I've done, but I know it can take a long time, and I'd been doing my best but I've never been good at staying away from heretical thoughts, I wasn't sure the Good goods would accept a soul like mine at all — in any case, I thought, even if I couldn't do anything else right, I could still do that.

When I got off work I met up with some other men who'd heard the same speech. Don't know any of their names, don't think I could pick their faces out of a crowd. When I'd prepared spells that morning I hadn't known what was going to happen, but I take Acid Splash every day, just in case someone tries to jump me. The other people I was with had proper weapons, knives and torches and clubs. Told them I was a wizard, so they wouldn't think I was useless.

We spent a little while arguing about who to go after — the nobles, the Hellspawn, the Norgorber worshipper who burned children to death, one guy who just wanted to take out his debt collector. Eventually we decided it'd be safest to go after the Hellspawn — safest and easiest, we didn't know where to find the Norgorberite. Debt collector might've been safer, except — I wasn't sure — the speech didn't say anything — he ended up setting off on his own. The rest of us went — looking.

We found one. Horns and all. We got him surrounded. My job was to help keep the escape routes cut off. I didn't have to do much, in the end, he stood his ground, but — there wasn't really much he could do. I never laid a hand on him, didn't have to use any of my spells either, but — I don't know if that's the sort of thing Pharasma cares about. I did help get him up on the lamppost but he'd already stopped breathing by then.

Don't know his name. Don't know anything about him, really. 

...We were going to find more but the Archhealer's announcement came while we were stringing him up. Didn't — didn't really want to stay out, after that, I've heard the sorts of things she can do. Maybe that was cowardice, but — it's the sort of cowardice I'm glad of, at any rate.

I've been renting a flat with three other men, but I was the first to make it back. Didn't tell the rest of them anything. Don't know if any of them were rioting. Don't — don't think it'd be right to report them just on suspicion."

"I don't think you need to report your flatmates just for having been out."

Will he let her take his hands in hers?

Yes.

His hands are shaking slightly. 

Squeeze.

"Lady Shelyn, if there is yet time to intervene for the soul of the man who was killed on the third, please bring him to Your paradise, and all those others like him whose lives were cut short, most particularly if their eternity met them before they could journey to You and Your friends in the Upper Planes of their own consciences. If it will soothe the River-going soul to know that his death troubled this man who bore it to him, let him know; else let him find his peace in peace.

"And Lady Shelyn, please touch this heart before me, who stumbled on his way. He may be short of days in which to take slow steps and must find You all in one leap; let his leap take him home and let us meet again in Blossomheart! Send your most cunning and wise to his trial, be it soon or be it decades from now, to sway Pharasma's unkindness away from him. He comes now willingly to Your house to ask for Your redemption. He must be made ready to meet both judges, Lady, and asks Your grace now in turning away from every sin."

Squeeze. Is he supposed to say something here. What if he says the wrong thing and Shelyn decides it wasn't good enough — that's not a reason not to try.

"Lady Shelyn, I regret my actions on the night of the third with my whole heart and mind. I know it is beyond my power to return to that night and undo what I did, but if I could I could do it in a heartbeat. If Pharasma's court would hold it against the man who died that he stood and fought, please explain to them that we left him with no choice.

I think that was probably the greatest Evil I have done, but I do not think it was the only one. Help me repent of all that I have done under Asmodeus, and to regret it as fiercely as I regret what I did on the night of the third. If there is anything You would will me to do now to make up for all I did in His service, help me to figure out what it is."

His voice catches. "—and if I need to turn myself in to not be damned, help me be brave enough to do it."

Laia's crying an eensy bit now (people freak out if you cry a lot). She squeezes his hands again. "You can do it. You can do the right thing. It is always in your power to do the right thing and Nirvana will not be complete without your safety."

"—is there a way to tell—"

"No perfect way, not till you make third circle. I wish there were, I wish there were a way I could make sure for you."

"Do you think I should — ask for the Final Blade — no matter what the Pharasmins say—"

"Some people probably should. I... I don't think you are one of them. But you're the one who knows how much you want the chance to go to paradise and you're the one who knows how true your prayer was. I can't know those things for you."

Nod.

"Is there anything else you think I should do first?"

"Is there anyone relying on you - kids, old folks, are you settled up on your rent - is there anything you want to say to anyone, letters you never sent or goodbyes you'd wish you'd made -"

He paid the rent in advance. His roommates are going to have a hard time covering it on their own but they'll probably be able to find someone else to move in with him.

He doesn't have children. Or rather, he doesn't have children he knows about; he slept with plenty of girls in wizard school, and some of them were pregnant, but he has no idea how he'd tell if any of the kids were his, and in any case none of them are relying on him for anything. He hasn't seen his family since he left for wizard prep but he — doesn't really think he misses them.

Is there anyone else he'd like to say goodbye to, if he could? His boss will be annoyed when he doesn't show up for work, but it's not like there's a shortage of wizards. He had some classmates he got along with better than most of them, but he hasn't seen most of them since they got deployed to the Worldwound. Most of them are probably dead by now anyways.

He thinks he might be stalling.

"Not that I can think of."