This man has been looking at sign-up sheets for a solid fifteen minutes and occasionally glancing nervously in Laia's direction.

She comes up beside him. "Hard to decide, hm?"

"You could put it that way."

"Do you want to come talk it over in my office with me?"

"Sure."

She's got it all done up prettily - she brought a fair few clothes, as she's always been in the habit of keeping costume pieces, and hangs up some of them for lack of tapestries, plus Gabriel has painted the floor, teal and white, and the desk's got a vase full of peacock feathers and there's a glass suncatcher in the window. The chairs don't match, but one's got a throw quilt over it so it's less obvious. There's a cute little tea set. Maybe the Erastilians don't want money but you can't be a Shelynite temple, can't feel like one, without beautiful things, and money can buy beautiful things. "Please, have a seat! Water?"

He sits down. ...Doesn't touch the water.

His prerogative! She'll fill one teacup with a little flourish of her hand and an unnecessarily tuneful magic word and sip. "You look like you've got more on your mind than 'painting versus embroidery'."

Nod. "Shelyn's — redemption, yeah?"

"That's right. Everyone can come back from everything they've done, whenever they're ready."

"Well, that's sort of the difficulty, now, isn't it."

"Well, that's what we're here for, to help people be ready."

"There's a lot of things I don't really know how I'd just — give up."

Nod nod nod. "You built yourself a life out of what you had. It might take some time and thought to come up with a new one, and a way to let go of anything you need to leave behind."

"Kinda seems like I'd be leaving behind all the things that make life worth living."

"A Good life should also be a joyful one. But of course you don't want just any joys, some stranger's joys that don't speak to you at all. You have your own reliances and replacing them could be terribly hard."

"Don't see how I'd do it at all, really. Seemed a lot easier when I thought it was just, you know, don't kill people, don't worship Asmodeus, don't break the law."

"It's a start. Not far enough, you think?"

"Not to hear the paladins tell it, at any rate."

"Not everybody can be a paladin. Not even everybody in Heaven Itself can be a paladin. What do you think you should be?"

"'m not trying to be a paladin. I cut hair, you can cut hair just as well no matter who your god is."

"You sure can! So what's some paladin said that's gotten you bothered?"

"Lots of things, really. Not supposed to watch people fight to death in the arenas. Not supposed to go catch stray squirrels and compete with the other guys at the barber shop to see who can kill theirs the slowest. Not supposed to go sleep around, maybe unless you're fucking old ladies who won't get pregnant off it, I'm not sure I understood his argument right. Not supposed to go beat up beggar-types when you're stressed and you just want to let off steam, not even if you just leave them with some bruises.

And it used to be that when I wanted to do something hard I'd pray to Sabnach for endurance and willpower, and we're not supposed to do that now either. If it were just that I couldn't pray to him I could make do."

Nodding. "That's a lot of different ways to deal with stress that are all suddenly off limits at once. Which sounds more helpful, picking somebody new to ask for help when you're feeling short of willpower or picking some new things to do when you're bored and antsy?"

"New things to do, I guess, except nothing I've been able to find is half as good."

"Hm, what have you tried so far?"

"Getting real drunk, except it's not fun if you can't fuck the women at the tavern. Singing. Smashing up broken shit no one wants anymore — from the dump, I'm not stealing it. One of the other guys at the barber's says he's been going for long runs, but my left knee's not so good anymore." He is too Chelish to sound ashamed about the knee issue.

"Oh no, I was going to suggest runs, what rotten luck. Singing's a good one but if it's not helping, hmm... would the knee stop you from boxing or wrestling? We've got free channels, here, if you wrapped up the spar right before one you'd be none the worse for wear and neither would your friend."

"...'s that allowed? It seems like it'd be like beating up the beggars."

"Well, the beggars aren't volunteering to box you! If somebody does I think it's fine. Every great hero learns to fight from scratch, and they start with sparring."

"Huh. I guess I can try that."

"Great! Might be good to have another idea you can do all on your own though... tell me about how singing's working, or rather not working?"

"You're just moving your mouth, it doesn't mean anything. There's none of the release you get from normal hobbies."

"Hm! Do you know Riverboat Song?"

"No."

"It's easy, I bet you can learn the chorus right here and now. Upstream ho, we row and go, load her up and tie it down; downstream ho, we float away, landing soon in port again. Give it a shot?"

"Upstream ho, we row and go, load her up and something down; downstream ho, we float away, something something in port again." He's loud and a bit off-key. It doesn't really sound like he's ever had any sort of musical training.

"...Don't think it's really working. Just doesn't scratch the same itch as—" He makes a fist and punches his other palm demonstratively.

"I hear you. You could try singing louder, or angrier, or see about joining the caroler group in case practicing and getting better at it helps, but it might not work quite how you need it to... do you build things at all? Nailing bits of wood together might be more," fist to palm.

"I guess I could try that." He doesn't really sound like he thinks it'll work.

"Maybe I have the wrong mental image of what you're getting from the dump but if somebody's dumped something there and you smash it to bits I for one think it could be very cool to then turn those bits into an end table or a candleholder or a shelf. But that's me, if it doesn't sound satisfying to you maybe it wouldn't be. I do wonder... what gets you so stressed out to begin with?"

"Lots of things. People being idiots. People smashing up the window of the barber's. The hot spell last month. The rainy spell this month. Not being supposed to fuck people anymore. Bread costing too much. People fucking up at work. And sometimes I'm just bored, you know, don't want to stare at a wall all afternoon."

"Oh, well, for bored your hobbies don't have to be punchy, do they? You can hang out here and take some classes. Maybe you'll meet somebody you get on with. A lady somebody, even, you don't have to be celibate to be Good if you get everything stable and know how you'll look after the children. Which will fill up all your wall-staring time like nobody's business!"

"...Well, I want my hobbies to be fun, otherwise there's not much point."

"Sure, keep trying new things till you find ones that're fun. Better to be bored trying something than bored staring at a wall. Unless it's a great wall."

"Seems like most fun things are Evil. I guess boxing might be alright."

"How do you know if something's fun without trying it?"

"I've tried some things. If they were fun I wouldn't be here."

"There's more things to try. I don't think I've seen you at line dancing yet."

"I guess I can try that. If I can do it with the knee, anyway."

"I don't know just how bad your knee is but we get some little old folks in there who keep up all right."

"I guess I can try it."

"You might also like pottery or carving, work with your hands a bit."

"I guess I can try those too." Maybe it's easier for Songbirds to be good, if they just like a bunch of boring things that aren't Evil.

"I do think boxing will probably help, it would just be best if you didn't put yourself in a position where you've just got to get into a fistfight and you start one with somebody who didn't feel the same way about it, so I'm trying to think of things you don't need to arrange with a friend."

"I said I'd try them. You don't have to convince me."

"All right, all right, I just want to be sure you'll go into them with an open mind. Excited! Hopeful! Nobody has fun with a line dance they're dragging themselves to because they won't get any apple fritters if they don't prove they tried."

He is really not sure he can manage excited and hopeful. "Don't think I had any other questions."

"Okay. Thank you so much for coming in today." She clasps her hands and looks ceilingward. "Shelyn, please bless this man; love and beauty belong to all."

And he leaves.

She gives him a head start, then drifts out into the main room again.

A woman arrives, dragging a girl of about seven by the arm. "Are you the priest?"

(It's a little hard to see since her dress is also white, but the ends of the girl's sleeves are covered in white paint.)

"I'm one of them, what can I do for you two?"

"Please explain to my daughter that Shelyn doesn't want her painting the walls of our flat without permission."

"Uh-oh! C'mere, let's go in my office, little one." Mom's not invited and Laia will thank you not to make her say it out loud.

Meritxell is pretty unhappy about that but she's not going to actually pick a fight about it. She lets go of her daughter's arm.

"O-kay!" Sara follows Laia into the office.

"What'd'ja paint?" Laia asks, closing the door.

"A lion! A BIG lion!"

"Ooh, those are Iomedae's animal. It would be pretty neat to have a lion picture in your room, wouldn't it!"

"Yeah! The room was BORING without the lion."

"Do you and your mom have your own house that's all yours or does she pay a landlord?"

"Landlord! I don't like him. Don't tell him I said that."

"I won't! So here's the thing about landlords. Maybe they like singing and dancing and whittling and all that good stuff, but when it comes to their houses they are so boring. They want the most boring houses in the world. Isn't that sad? I think it's kind of sad for them."

"That's SO SAD! Why would ANYONE want their house to be boring?"

"They're scared! They're scared that, if one day you and your mom move someplace else and they have to find a new person to live in the house, that person will be like, this house is TOO INTERESTING. I won't live here because it's not boring enough. And then they won't have any money for their whittling or whatever it is that they do like."

"That's STUPID!"

"When somebody's scared, a lot of the time it's stupid... to everybody else. But it doesn't make them less scared to tell them that."

"Well I am not telling ANYTHING to him. I am not s'posed to talk to him at ALL."

"That makes sense. But when your mom talks to him, she's got to deal with all his being scared."

"I don't think Mama should talk to him either. He's MEAN."

"Oh, I wish he knew how to be nice. I hope he'll have a lot of chances to learn how. Do you want him to learn to be nice?"

"YES!"

"I think it's easiest for people to learn to be nice when they're not scared. When he's scared that's what he's going to be thinking about all the time, and he'll just be how he always is. If he gets a chance to calm down, maybe he can learn to be nice!"

Sara doesn't really look like she understands where Laia is going with this.

"So I think it would be best if nobody scared him by making his houses interesting."

"But I LIKE the lion. I was going to give it an OWLBEAR FRIEND but then Mama came home and started yelling."

"I think she's scared too. She has to talk to that mean landlord, after all, and he sounds pretty scary."

"He IS."

"It's probably harder to love your mom when she's mad, but I bet you love her a lot anyway."

Sara looks pretty confused about that. "The old priest said love was WEAKNESS but I'm not s'posed to say that anymore."

"The old priests were big nasty liars! Thhbbbt to them." Kids love it when you go thbbbbt.

"THHBBBBBBBBT!"

"Mm-hm. They just wanted to make people be mean and hurt each other! But Shelyn says we should love each other instead, and help each other not be scared, and all learn to be nicer."

"Then why is the landlord STILL BEING MEAN. He should STOP."

"He's still scared, I'd bet you. And maybe you and your mom even working together can't make him not be scared at all, but you can help a little bit."

"HOW."

"When the lion's gone you shouldn't put it back. It'll scare your mom and if the landlord finds out it'll scare him too. But Songbird Gabriel can help you do some more painting! There's classes, and there's so many walls in here that he hasn't gotten to yet! Shelyn doesn't want Her house to be boring and I don't think She has a lion yet or an owlbear."

"I'm gonna paint the BESTEST LION EVER for you! And I'll give it SO MANY FRIENDS. An owlbear and a wolf and a tiger and a GRYPHON."

"Songbird Gabriel will be so happy to have them! And he's got lots of colors too."

"He has COLORS? My lion was ALL WHITE because that was the ONLY paint we had."

"He's got every single color there is and if he's missing one he will teach you to mix them! Your lion can be rainbow if you want!"

"RAINBOW LION!!!!"

"RAINBOW LION!" agrees Laia, and she opens the door. "Ma'am, do you need help affording a Prestidigitation housecall for your wall?"

"—Yes, that would be much appreciated."

"If you'll wait here about half an hour there's a wizard who comes by for evening services and to copy things for us, and I just bet I can convince her to go help you out."

"Of course, ma'am, I appreciate the help."

"That's my job!" And she steers the little one toward Gabriel.

"HI GABRIEL! I'm SARA!"

"Hi Sara! Let me guess: you want to paint!"

"YES! She said I could paint a RAINBOW LION!"

"Ooooh, I know exactly where one of those should go." This way!

Follow follow!

The next person who arrives for counseling appears to be a man in his early twenties. He stops in the sanctuary, closes his eyes briefly in prayer, and then heads for the meeting room.

(If anyone is checking, he's under a Disguise Self.)

She's not checking! "Oh hello there! Welcome to the temple of Shelyn!"

"Hello, ma'am. Are you the Songbird who does counseling?"

"This time of day yes I am!"

This is frankly terrifying but he isn't going to show it. It's not like she can do anything worse than damnation.

"I was wondering what Shelyn says about repenting of things that are — crimes."

"Hmmmmmm." She shuts the door. "Well. Shelyn's not Lawful, and not every law is about helping people be Good. Still... a lot of them are. One thing I worry about a lot is that Asmodeus used to pit Law against love and sometimes Law won, and sometimes it's still putting up a heck of a fight even now - people reporting their families and friends, that kind of thing. I don't know that there's ever a perfect answer. If you want to tell me more about it we can try to figure out together if there's an okay answer."

"Let's say there was someone who did something — Evil and Lawless — the sort of thing that takes a very long time to ever make up for. And if they turned themself in they'd hang for it and be damned. And they wanted to know what to do."

Nod nod. "So, this would have to be after the amnesty, but if it wasn't then there's your good news, the Queen amnestied all crimes before her accession. If it was after... well, if this person lives here in Westcrown, there's a Final Blade here. But of course I'd hope and Shelyn would hope they could do better than that if there's any way it could happen. There's so many wonderful places people can go if only they can be sure they're not going to one of the bad ones! And it's so hard to be sure, and it must be so terrifying, to choose hanging if you aren't totally sure..."

Nod. "The Pharasmins say it's wrong to use the Final Blade. Or sometimes that it doesn't make a difference, that all souls will end up at Judgment eventually."

"Forever's a long time. But if I thought I was bound for Hell I'd certainly rather spend a thousand years in a blade than in Hell! There's no need to give the devils a head start. I don't think it's Evil at all if you need it. Still - better not to need it. Better to spend those thousand years frolicking in Nirvana or wherever your heart's calling you."

Nod nod nod.

"There's a spell called Atonement, for people who've done something that pulled them too far from their purpose. If I went around doing evil things so Shelyn couldn't reach me any more, and then I found somebody who could cast Atonement for me, I'd get my magic back right away. But if I had a little time, to pray and think - you can do the same thing without the spell."

"I don't really see how anyone can make up for something Evil just by thinking about it. It seems like no one at all would go to Hell, if that was the case, short of Asmodean priests."

"Oh, but Asmodeus worked so hard to make sure nobody thought about it. Or that if they thought about it, the thoughts were 'that was what anyone would have done', 'I had no choice', 'it didn't matter', 'it was my right to do so', 'next time I won't get caught', 'that didn't count' - absolutely any thought under the sun except that was wrong, I don't want to be that person, I wouldn't do it again, I would make great sacrifices to make it right again."

Nod. "But Shelyn thinks — the way for someone like that to make things right again — is to pray to Her until She'll take them, and then turn themself in?"

"Well, at that point it might depend on what exactly the problem is. That is what I would probably recommend trying for something like a bar brawl that became a murder."

"Let's say it was — did you see the pamphlet that was going around on the third, the one with that cleric's speech, talking about how anyone who died fighting the diabolists would make Heaven — and let's say they didn't kill anyone, but—"

"Oh, I did see that. It's not what she said at all, but it must have sounded so inspiring, the idea that there was something you could do right then and there to be Good and helpful, and if it were me I'd be just crushed to find out that actually it was all wrong."

Nod.

"Wouldn't have done if it I'd known it was Evil. Even if it didn't affect my soul one way or the other."

"Well, the good news is that does help. What you do matters more than how you're thinking about it but how you're thinking about it still matters a lot. You wanted to do Good, you made a mistake in who to listen to, you never would have done it if you realized."

"I don't think I'd trust that to keep me out of Hell."

"Do you want to tell me a little more about what happened that night and we can pray about it together?"

He doesn't want to die but it's better to die than to be damned—

"I found out about the pamphlet when someone did a reading in the café where I work. I thought — I've been trying to make up for everything I've done, but I know it can take a long time, and I'd been doing my best but I've never been good at staying away from heretical thoughts, I wasn't sure the Good goods would accept a soul like mine at all — in any case, I thought, even if I couldn't do anything else right, I could still do that.

When I got off work I met up with some other men who'd heard the same speech. Don't know any of their names, don't think I could pick their faces out of a crowd. When I'd prepared spells that morning I hadn't known what was going to happen, but I take Acid Splash every day, just in case someone tries to jump me. The other people I was with had proper weapons, knives and torches and clubs. Told them I was a wizard, so they wouldn't think I was useless.

We spent a little while arguing about who to go after — the nobles, the Hellspawn, the Norgorber worshipper who burned children to death, one guy who just wanted to take out his debt collector. Eventually we decided it'd be safest to go after the Hellspawn — safest and easiest, we didn't know where to find the Norgorberite. Debt collector might've been safer, except — I wasn't sure — the speech didn't say anything — he ended up setting off on his own. The rest of us went — looking.

We found one. Horns and all. We got him surrounded. My job was to help keep the escape routes cut off. I didn't have to do much, in the end, he stood his ground, but — there wasn't really much he could do. I never laid a hand on him, didn't have to use any of my spells either, but — I don't know if that's the sort of thing Pharasma cares about. I did help get him up on the lamppost but he'd already stopped breathing by then.

Don't know his name. Don't know anything about him, really. 

...We were going to find more but the Archhealer's announcement came while we were stringing him up. Didn't — didn't really want to stay out, after that, I've heard the sorts of things she can do. Maybe that was cowardice, but — it's the sort of cowardice I'm glad of, at any rate.

I've been renting a flat with three other men, but I was the first to make it back. Didn't tell the rest of them anything. Don't know if any of them were rioting. Don't — don't think it'd be right to report them just on suspicion."

"I don't think you need to report your flatmates just for having been out."

Will he let her take his hands in hers?

Yes.

His hands are shaking slightly. 

Squeeze.

"Lady Shelyn, if there is yet time to intervene for the soul of the man who was killed on the third, please bring him to Your paradise, and all those others like him whose lives were cut short, most particularly if their eternity met them before they could journey to You and Your friends in the Upper Planes of their own consciences. If it will soothe the River-going soul to know that his death troubled this man who bore it to him, let him know; else let him find his peace in peace.

"And Lady Shelyn, please touch this heart before me, who stumbled on his way. He may be short of days in which to take slow steps and must find You all in one leap; let his leap take him home and let us meet again in Blossomheart! Send your most cunning and wise to his trial, be it soon or be it decades from now, to sway Pharasma's unkindness away from him. He comes now willingly to Your house to ask for Your redemption. He must be made ready to meet both judges, Lady, and asks Your grace now in turning away from every sin."

Squeeze. Is he supposed to say something here. What if he says the wrong thing and Shelyn decides it wasn't good enough — that's not a reason not to try.

"Lady Shelyn, I regret my actions on the night of the third with my whole heart and mind. I know it is beyond my power to return to that night and undo what I did, but if I could I could do it in a heartbeat. If Pharasma's court would hold it against the man who died that he stood and fought, please explain to them that we left him with no choice.

I think that was probably the greatest Evil I have done, but I do not think it was the only one. Help me repent of all that I have done under Asmodeus, and to regret it as fiercely as I regret what I did on the night of the third. If there is anything You would will me to do now to make up for all I did in His service, help me to figure out what it is."

His voice catches. "—and if I need to turn myself in to not be damned, help me be brave enough to do it."

Laia's crying an eensy bit now (people freak out if you cry a lot). She squeezes his hands again. "You can do it. You can do the right thing. It is always in your power to do the right thing and Nirvana will not be complete without your safety."

"—is there a way to tell—"

"No perfect way, not till you make third circle. I wish there were, I wish there were a way I could make sure for you."

"Do you think I should — ask for the Final Blade — no matter what the Pharasmins say—"

"Some people probably should. I... I don't think you are one of them. But you're the one who knows how much you want the chance to go to paradise and you're the one who knows how true your prayer was. I can't know those things for you."

Nod.

"Is there anything else you think I should do first?"

"Is there anyone relying on you - kids, old folks, are you settled up on your rent - is there anything you want to say to anyone, letters you never sent or goodbyes you'd wish you'd made -"

He paid the rent in advance. His roommates are going to have a hard time covering it on their own but they'll probably be able to find someone else to move in with him.

He doesn't have children. Or rather, he doesn't have children he knows about; he slept with plenty of girls in wizard school, and some of them were pregnant, but he has no idea how he'd tell if any of the kids were his, and in any case none of them are relying on him for anything. He hasn't seen his family since he left for wizard prep but he — doesn't really think he misses them.

Is there anyone else he'd like to say goodbye to, if he could? His boss will be annoyed when he doesn't show up for work, but it's not like there's a shortage of wizards. He had some classmates he got along with better than most of them, but he hasn't seen most of them since they got deployed to the Worldwound. Most of them are probably dead by now anyways.

He thinks he might be stalling.

"Not that I can think of."

"And - are you also ready to be alive. The Queen is good and I cannot guarantee that she will be merciful here but she might. What are you going to do if you have the whole rest of your life to do it in?"

He can be ready to die or he can be ready to be alive but he's not sure he can do both at once.

He's not going to say that.

"...Not assist with — anything else like what happened that night — no matter who I think is encouraging it or what they promise."

What else. He's not sure. If he thought it would be easy he wouldn't have — probably Lady Shelyn doesn't want Her followers making excuses any more than Asmodeus does.

"Before — that night — I was spending most of my time on my job. I gave my spare coin to the churches when I had any, but I usually didn't, not since the schools shut down and so many country wizards moved in. I went to services when they didn't overlap with work. I stayed away from the bars and the whorehouses. If we had food left over when we closed up the café that was going to go stale, we gave anything we weren't keeping for ourselves to the beggars. 

None of that really seems like it could possibly be enough, after what happened, but I don't know what would be. I suppose I'll have to keep the job, if they'll still have me."

"That might be enough to keep you going. Is it enough for you? What do you want out of your life besides that it not end in Hell?"

"It's hard to think of anything that could possibly matter, next to that.

I'd like to always be able to afford enough to eat, even when the café sells out and the rent's due and I just had to replace my shoes. I'd like to come home to — a woman who wants me, and not just because she needs a favor to pass her Theoretical Illusions class. It would be nice if I could cast Locate Object but I don't want it badly enough to risk my life for it."

Handsqueeze. "Those are all good goals - though I support you in not going adventuring to hang more spells. I hope if you can come back here, you will, and you'll meet people, and find opportunities, and the rest of your life will be a beautiful story for the angel I know you can be one day."

Handsqueeze. "I'll try to visit again if — if I'm able to."

"Do you want me to go with you, to the palace?"

"I'd appreciate that, if it's not too much trouble."

"I have time for you." She'll get up and walk him there.

He's very quiet as they walk.

(His Disguise Self wears off within a couple minutes. He doesn't remark on it. He's a little shorter and a little skinnier than he'd looked, with longer hair.) 

There's a reason she doesn't ask people for their names most of the time. If they want her to know they'll tell her. It doesn't change the fact that every one of them has a soul worth saving, worth brightening.

Eventually they reach the palace. 

He takes a deep breath, then another.

"If I don't — come back — will you pray for me?"

"Yes, I will."

He takes another deep breath, and closes his eyes for a few moments, and then he turns and goes inside.

She waits, for a minute - it could be that they're just letting peripheral rioters go, for lack of capacity, and that he'll come right out and want to go straight back and pray -

He doesn't come back out.

Exit Sad Laia.

Enter Ready For More Spiritual Counseling Laia.

Back she goes.