"During the time period when slavery was legal, the number of people who went to Hell was never more than a single digit per year."

"That's reassuring!"

"Yeah." Pause. "I'm gonna go check on Keturah."

"I'll organize the AMA and the meeting with the Commanders for when You get back."

"Cool," she says, and checks the location of Keturah's house, and is presently on her doorstep knocking on her door. 

Keturah comes to the door in the middle of humming "Good King Wenceslas" to herself.

"Hi! - oh. Hello."

"Hi! Uh, I was talking to Fred Waterford, for reasons, and he said he married you off to a Canadian Satanist Spy and were you okay, and I said I would check on you."

"Oh! OK. Does OK have, like, a specific definition here?"

"I guess...not seriously worse off than if you had married someone who wasn't a Canadian Satanist spy?"

"That seems like a sort of questionable definition. Um, did you want to come in or something?"

"Sure," she says, and steps inside. "Honestly, I've been starting to question the definition myself."

"Language is hard," says Keturah, cheerfully. She motions her visitor inside. It's not very large, but it's cozy, with a sparsely decorated little Christmas tree in the corner. "I was only making food for me today, but if you want you can have some, I'm making enough for leftovers."

"I'm not hungry right now, but thank you for offering. Your house is very cozy."

"I try! So you're - here for Commander Waterford?"

"Soooort of? We talked, he wanted to know if you were okay, people being okay is a thing I care about, I decided to check up, I'm not, like in the habit of doing him in particular favors."

"Oh. OK. Well. I'm here living my life and stuff."

"Yeah.

"I told him good for him for not forcibly impregnating you and he said he wasn't a monster and honestly that's better than I was expecting of him."

"Yeah, he could have been a lot less OK about things. Ah. Is it rude to ask who exactly you are?"

"My name's Christina Theodora, but I'm guessing that's not what you meant."

"I was mostly talking about the baby healing, but if you can't explain it for reasons that's cool."

"It's not that I can't explain it it's more that several murder-suicide cults have apparently formed but not triggered and I am concerned that if I explain it too exactly I will lose the ability to disarm them."

"Oh. Are you the sort of person likely to trigger murder-suicide cults? Because I find that cults sometimes make bad decisions in a vacuum anyway."

"The short version is that I am sort of the second coming."

"Mmm. So like a John the Baptist deal, or?"

"So multiple universes exist and I am the second coming in a different universe, and I found Milliways, which is this bar that steals doors in different universes, like you're opening some random door and it leads there instead of where you were going, and while I was there someone came in who was from here, and she explained bitoxiphosphene and I agreed that this was an ongoing humanitarian crisis that my powers were likely to be good at solving, and then once I was here I discovered all of the sociopolitical nonsense, and it turns out that doing right by everyone is hard."