The Top 100 Things I'd Do
If I Ever Became An Evil Overlord

...

Choryon.

Is it normal on your planet to put literal babies in literal ovens?

It is not normal on my planet to put literal babies in literal ovens.

I'm glad to hear it.

Now were you, as a baby, ever put in a literal oven?

I was not, as a baby, ever put in a literal oven.

That's what I thought, but I didn't want to assume.

If you're nobody important on Earth, and not particularly skilled at selling shoes, why don't you use the skills you have to become someone important?

I don't think my elite gaming skills are in particularly high demand!

You could tell people how to defend their castles. Or, your friend designs deadly dungeons, right, I'm sure you

He designs deadly dungeons in games.

In games so detailed that you can take any action available to someone from Golarion! 

The games you play are just real life with extra steps!

Real life is harder than games.

O_o

Is Earth such an utter death world, and your competition in it so fierce, that it makes everything from Golarion look like an utter joke?

Well, it doesn't hurt that the encounters on Golarion are usually level-appropriate...

But you're saying that anyone from your world if they sat down at your game table could tear through my nascent Evil Empire like it's all written on paper.

Oh, no way. Pathfinder is crunchy, and Altronus most people emphatically are not.

The game I played in before this one - Skulls & Shackles with a bunch of strangers from the college I go to - we got wizard diff'd in the fifth book and the whole party wiped. My crew might make it look easy, but most tables struggle with the printed APs.

Then how can you say that real life is harder than games are??

Do you just mean that games are easy for you? Choryon, you moron, that's called being skilled.

...I guess?

I'm not that skilled at the char-op minigame or the combat system of Pathfinder. 

How many people are there who are better?

Give me a number, I don't trust your qualitative judgement. 

Well, you've already met two or three, and my planet has eight billion people on it so the answer is probably "an incomprehensibly vast number of people" because it usually is. But pen and paper RPGs aren't like an online game where you can easily check how you stack up against all of mankind, so I can't give you an exact number. 

How many have you met?

...Two or three...?

You're insane. 

You're a crazy person. 

You need to see a competent psychiatrist and get cured of your bizarre delusions.

You're probably one of the four strongest Pathfinder players in your world. 

...How do you figure that?