Principles of the Vile Scribe

This Pamphlet Officially Certified By The Seal Of The Ancient Fraternity Of Vile Scribes, that the Scribings therein be most Vile.

They can’t kill a pseudonym or an idea, but they can kill me, the person writing this. Or pamphlet jail, word on the street is you survive that but I’d rather not check. So, if I’m out of the Vile Scribing game, might as well show my hand. 

Zeroeth Principle of the Vile Scribe: Flexibility! Behold, as this pamphlet breaks every principle. The rules are guidelines, and if you’re too Lawful to get that, you’re better off being a regular scribe. 

First principle of the Vile Scribe: There are to be two characters who announce their names and identities. This makes it easy for it to be read aloud, but it also stops you getting overcomplicated. This isn’t the Taldan Opera with an ensemble and a complicated plot. Get over yourself. It’s a pamphlet! 

Second principle of the Vile Scribe. At least one part false, at least one part vile, at least one part funny. All three are important. If you want to say true, dull, and pleasant things, you’re better off being a regular scribe. 

Third principle of the Vile Scribe: Faraway and Fictional characters are often too distant to retaliate. People close enough to get you stay out of your pamphlets. Note, Great Wizards such as Geb and Nex and Razmir are not really limited by distance, but they are less likely to notice. 

Fourth principle of the Vile Scribe: You only have one head. Approach the line, to the point where people question how you are still writing. Don’t be so afraid you turn from Vile Scribe into Mild Scribe. But do not throw yourself upon any swords. 

Fifth principle of the Vile Scribe: It Must be Current. No one cares how clever your comment is, if the conversation moved on. These days, there’s ten things happening a day. The city moves fast, and so must you. 

Sixth principle of the Vile Scribe: If you take every side on the issue, you have the issue surrounded. If you have specific opinions and points, you become predictable. If they can predict what you’re going to say, they have no reason to buy your pamphlet!

Seventh principle of the Vile Scribe: Don’t overuse the Calamity gag! Yes, the first pamphlet was the best one and I’ll be downhill from there the whole rest of my career. But it had a specific point. Do not become an imitation of yourself.

So, what’s the point of all this? Why even be the Vile Scribe? 

The point is to be clever and have fun. If you’re taking it seriously all the time and don’t enjoy reveling in the vile scribing, you’re better off being a regular scribe. 

People think the first Vile Scribe was the Tian Xia one, but if you really want to get this part, find the true first one.

But it’s also this: The reader picks up a vile scribe pamphlet, reads some ridiculous lies, points at them and laughs. The reader reads those same ridiculous lies out on the world, recognizes them, points at them and laughs. 

That’s it. The pen is still free a bit longer, might be minutes or hours. That’s time I should be using on better stuff than this. Might be able to get one or two more. But in spirit, this one’s the last.

Goodbye Westcrown, hope you’ve had as much fun with this as I have.