Behold the JUstice of Mendev

Vigilantio: I am Vigilantio, a member of the Mendev Lay Inquisition, who have no authority to patrol the streets fighting enemies of Iomedae, but decided to do so anyway.

Guardati: I am Guardati, an officer of the City Watch in the country of Mendev, the most Iomedaean country unless you are counting Lastwall, the place Iomedae actually likes. 

Vigilantio: I am the most Lawful Good. The Lay Inquisition works for Iomedae and she only didn't Select any of us because she is too poor to.

Guardati: I am the most Lawful Good. The City Watch works for the Lawful Good Queen and she only has to Behead a few members each week. 

Vigilantio: I defend the city from Fearsome Foes. Behold, I throw Tiny Lawyers into the Raging River. I have saved Mendev from the Evil of Fair Trials. 

Guardati: I defend the city from Fearsome Foes. Behold, I throw Random Shelynites into Dismal Dungeons. I have saved Mendec from the Evil of Art Classes. 

Vigilantio: I obey special instructions from Iomedae and refrain from Random Murder in favor of Random Beatings.

Guardati: I obey special instructions from the Queen and return Certain Important Prisoners without Obvious Markings of attack.

Vigilantio: I have sworn an Oath of Celibacy because I hear Iomedae is into That Sort of Thing.

Guardati: I have sworn the Reverse Oath, for the sake of all Women in the city whose husbands are Conscripted to the Worldwound.

Vigilantio: I ransack homes and Donate the proceeds to the Church of Holy Iomedae.

Guardati: I ransack homes and Donate the proceeds to the Church of Holy Cayden. Hic.

Vigilanto: Your works impress me, I admit that you are the most Lawful Good.

Guardiati: Nonsense, your works are greater. I admit that your works are the most Lawful Good.

Vigilanto + Guardati: What would the city do without us?