Clickbait for our times
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[This pamphlet is printed in several sheets with only the title on the cover, and urchins instructed not to show the text to passers-by who have not paid.]

On this the Eighth Day of Sarenrith, VALIA WAIN was put to TRIAL, such event taking place in the Public Arena for all who desired to Bear Witness. I myself was among that multitude, and with great haste have Scribed a Summary of Events, that ALL MAY LEARN what took place and what FATE BEFELL HER.

OUR GLORIOUS QUEEN HERSELF served as Judge over the Proceedings, as befits a CRIME OF SUCH SEVERITY. First leading the crowd in prayer to HOLY IOMEDAE that TRUE JUSTICE BE DONE, she called for the Prisoner Valia Wain to be brought before the Court.

[A woodcut image, of Valia in chains. She is unkempt but defiant. The face is clearly copied from older pamphlets of dubious legality.]

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However, before our Just Ruler could so much as Question the Prisoner, Valia Wain OF HER OWN ACCORD Made Clear the depths of her Crime!

She SPOKE OUT BEFORE THE CROWD, that she felt No Regret and only wished the Riots had Burned the City Entire, to Better Cleanse the Stain of Evil from these lands!

THESE EVIL WORDS FILLED OUR GOOD AND PURE QUEEN WITH IOMEDAE'S HOLY WRATH

[Woodcut of Her Majesty with one hand raised and, indeed, a quite wrathful expression.]

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She ordered that the Murderess Valia Wain receive the JUST REWARD OF LAWLESS MURDER, and be FOREVER MALEDICTED TO THE ABYSS WHEREIN DWELL OTHERS SUITED TO HER NATURE!!

[Woodcut of Valia Wain screaming in horror]

Though at this the WILL OF THE MURDERESS BROKE and she SCREAMED FOR MERCY, OUR HOLY MONARCH WOULD NOT BE STAYED FROM ADMINISTERING JUSTICE.

Upon the Criminal was cast the Spell of Malediction, and, stepping down from the dais, HER MAJESTY HERSELF DREW HER BLADE, AND CLEAVED VALIA WAIN'S HEAD FROM HER SHOULDERS!

[One final, very detailed and bloody woodcut]

Thus was the FINAL FATE AND JUDGEMENT of Valia Wain, which I Witnessed in My Own Person and now Tell to All!

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Oooh, competition. Well, it was bound to happen. It might actually help him; woodcuts are expensive and look authoritative, so more people might buy his cheaper version!

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Someone sure is profiting from all this pamphleteering! Truly, the Freedom of the Pen is the best thing that has happened to illiterate street urchins this month.

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He was so strategic! He carefully waited for enough time to pass that it would be believable for the trial to be over! And then Lion Guy just had to go and undercut him by publishing that overwrought drivel way too early!

(Quality woodcuts are expensive. If this doesn't sell well, he's going to be in some money trouble.)

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