He flinches slightly when the hand comes into his vision, but it's habit more than fear, and he hesitantly reaches for Zev's hand, although he stops just short of actually taking it.

Nova's never done that before. Nova's never been...afraid of him before.

Zev loses control of his legs, and just drops to his knees. He hears the crack of them on the tile. It doesn't feel real. 

His hand stays up though, desperate as he is to just...get Nova away. Get him out- no, wait, he is out. He's out. They're safe...aren't they?

Isn't he?

"M'sorry," Nova repeats, miserable again. "I- you didn't want to have to. And- and I don't mind-" (It sounds like something he's been told so often he believes it.) "-m'just m'a- I need it, and need to-"

Zev gives up on space. He gives up on staying calm, if he ever thought that. 

He pulls himself to Nova, and just envelops him, tucking the ball he's made himself into Zev's chest. He's still crying, Nova's still crying. He doesn't know if either of them can stop at this point, but he's not letting that deter him from wrapping every part of himself around Nova.

"I never- I never thought he'd ask me to kill someone, Nova. I never thought he'd ask...this of you. Never. I-" 

I don't understand why you thought you-

Oh, no. That's not true at all. Zev knew exactly why. 

He shudders against Zev and-

And clings to him, to the front of his shirt.

"M'sorry," he repeats. "I- He's gonna-" (Be mad, throw them out-)

Zev gasps for air. Sorry? Sorry for what? That he had this beaten into him every day of his life so that he thinks this was normal? The way whenever Zev walks into a room he assesses exits? Possible weapons? How best to kill someone? 

"No! No, Nova, no one is going to do anything. Aaren cares about you, and not because he has to or because he expects anything from you!" He's angry. He wants to control it, he wants to be soft for Nova, but sometimes it's- it's so hard. "Neither of us expect anything except for you to let us care for you!"

Zev pulls away so he can cup Nova's face. He doesn't blame him for looking terrified. "Nova, I've loved you this whole time and not once, not once ever, have I ever expected anything from you but to let me keep you safe. I don't want anything from you like that! I want you to know that I love you, without conditions and for no reason other than you're the best part of my life and I would die to protect that!"

He's shaking, doesn't know how to respond to that. Doesn't know how it can be real.

He sobs, leaning into Zev's hands. He can't say it back, he can't, he doesn't know how to. "M'not worth it," he mumbles instead. "I- you- you're too- shouldn't put yourself at- at risk."

Zev presses his lips between Nova's brows, and then tucks Nova back against his body. "You are my heart, my life and my soul. I am nothing without you." 

Please don't go. 

From the way Nova's clinging to him, he's not going anywhere.

He doesn't have pretty words to respond to that, doesn't know how to make Zev understand what he feels-

So he just clings to him.

It takes Zev a very long time to even consider pulling away. The idea makes him physically ill, and makes his breath stop in his lungs. 

What finally gets him moving, is Nova cannot be comfortable on the tiles. It's colder down here than in their room. So he loosens his arms, but keeps in contact with Nova as much as he can. 

"Come back upstairs with me," he says, caught between asking and telling.

He nods wearily. That's- he's being told, he can do that. That's easy. He's still going to need Zev to lead him. Moving seems- difficult.

It's difficult for Zev too, but the list of things he wouldn't do for Nova is incredibly short. He wraps his arm around Nova's waist, lifting him gently. His other hand remains tightly woven with Nova's. Partially for both of their comfort and partially because there is a fear in Zev's heart that if he lets go, Nova will disappear.

Slowly he eases them both up the stairs, stopping every few stairs to check on Nova and readjust his hold.

He's managing, although he looks like it's sheer force of will that's keeping him on his feet at this point.

Zev takes on more of Nova's weight, half carrying him until they get into their room. He then helps Nova to manoeuvre across the room and onto the bed. He carefully helps him under the covers, tucks him in as best he can, before sliding in behind him. 

He gathers Nova to him, wrapping an arm around his chest, the other under the pillow Nova's lying on. 

He doubts sleep is an option for him.  

Nova's not sure he's going to be able to sleep either, but he cuddles closer to Zev, clinging again.

"M'sorry," he says again.

Zev's run out of words. He shakes his head against the back of Nova's.

He tightens his hold on him.

-He doesn't apologise again. Presses closer.

He closes his eyes, but can't sleep. Too worried about repercussions.

Zev starts crying again a few hours later. He manages to keep from sobbing, but the shaking is hard to hide. 

Nova shifts around so he can wrap his arms around Zev in turn, wanting to help somehow. When all he's been doing before is making Zev hurt more.

Zev nearly doesn't let it happen. Nearly just holds Nova in place so that Zev can pretend he's keeping it secret. But just last night (god, it felt like years ago), Zev had said he would let Nova share his burdens. We help each other.

So Zev tucks his head into Nova's shoulder, tucking himself against the boy he loves and just cries.

And Nova hugs him close, presses his lips against Zev's hair, not quite a kiss but-

(He loves Zev, as much as he knows how to, and maybe a little bit more...)

Zev wants to take that almost-kiss as comfort, so he does. Even as a pit settles in his stomach, making him think that maybe Nova was just 'repaying' him. He tries to shut that voice out, and buries himself deeper and closer to Nova. 

The voice continues to taunt him, but Zev doesn't move away. He can't.

(Except he'd never seen Nova do anything like this. Nothing this soft. It's always been hard and brutal and violent.)

Eventually they'll hear the others moving around, Aaren shepherding Lan and 'Chelle downstairs before they can knock on Zev and Nova's door.

Zev's tears have slowed, but his breathing is still wildly uneven, and his grip on Nova has not slackened in the least, even as his arms shake with the effort.

If he hears the other occupants of the house, he doesn't react.