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"Thanks."

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"Thank you." There's a knock at the door. "People to carry Miriel back to the palace -"

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"Come in," yawns Bella.

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And people carry Miriel back to the palace.

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And Bella goes to bed.

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When she wakes, there's a letter. "There've been no problems that we noticed. We talked about it and decided to tell Fëanáro. We'll let you know if there's anything we need. Thank you. Finwë."

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Oh thank all the blasted gods.

Bella takes deep breaths...

...goes and gets breakfast...

...sets an hourglass and lets Valinor smooth away an hour of her morning so she can calm down...

...writes a lot...

...and then tentatively wanders palaceward to see how Fëanáro's coping, if he would like to display how he's coping at her.
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He is in fact in King's Square, cleaning cobblestones. When he sees her he stops.

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It is really fucking awkward to have a small child aware that you knew his mom had sworn to kill him and you did not do very much about it for reasons he has professed not to understand. She waits to see what he's going to do.
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"Hi," he says. "I feel really angry when I see you but I don't think I'm angry at you."

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"That sounds complicated."

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"Everything would've been fixed if I was dead."

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"That's a very narrow definition of 'everything' you've got there."

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"I know you weren't allowed to tell me anything or even help me figure it out. But I got so used to you helping me figure things out that I didn't work as hard on doing it myself as I should have."

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"...What do you mean?"

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"I should have figured it out much sooner! Then this could have happened and everything would be okay."

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What I wound having to do was extremely dangerous. I would have tried it sooner if it weren't for that. It seems to have worked out in practice but I was terrified some side effect I couldn't fix was going to happen and she'd have to live with it forever because I wasn't good enough. It could have happened. The previous solution had drawbacks but it was much safer.
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Not having memories isn't very safe. Or - I guess it's safe in that nothing worse will happen, but that's the same way being dead is safe. Or being small.

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It was safer for her mind not having something weird wrong with it.

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Not having memories is weird and wrong!

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Something could have gone really horribly wrong yesterday. I spent all day checking over and over and over, and because I'd never seen it done before I could only make my best guess about whether I was checking the right things, and it would have been a real disaster if I had made a mistake. People's minds are not toys.

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But it worked.

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If it hadn't worked and now she were so blocked that she couldn't be in a room with you, ever again, what kind of conversation would we be having now?

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I'd be building a balcony or something so we could hang out and talk. Knowing things is just - better than being ignorant, even if it complicates things.

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Sigh.

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