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This is the wrong building. She could have sworn the RA said "take a left at Emily, first on your right", and Bella did exactly that, and here she is and the rooms in this place don't even seem to be numbered, it's all letters and names. She's not going to find Intro to Subtle Therapy in Room 206 like that. Maybe the RA meant take a left after Emily, not before Emily? Maybe she was supposed to go the other way around the quad and approach Emily from the other direction? She's going to be late.
Bella tries to get out of the letter-named-rooms building to go ask Emily for directions, but that's not a stairwell after all, and there's someone shouting at her not to come in and she flinches back and clonks her elbow on the door and boots or no boots she's down and she -
- is falling -
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subtly_artistic
subtly_artistic
Bella nods. Do you mind if I start reading your affect? It might be that you're really not feeling anything, but it might be that you're having trouble noticing that you are, or that you're feeling very little, and those are different.
Sure. What do I need to do?
Numbness.
subtly_artistic
The real question is whether it stays unbrokenly level or not. Apart from Finwë and Fëanáro do you have other family who are around?
No. I had parents and a sister. We lost them beside Cuivienen.
No one's reembodied yet, it turned out to be harder than Mandos had hoped.
subtly_artistic
Sometimes people who want to die really just want to go to an afterlife and see people who are there. Still numb?
Still numb. It's been centuries. I want them to come back, of course, but I had a new life here.
subtly_artistic
Nod. Can I get you to think back to when this problem started, from before there was anything wrong step by step until it was impossible to function anymore, so I can aim the affect read at that?
Conceiving Fëanáro. Sorry! she says at once, my mind just leaped there -
subtly_artistic
I'm only reading affect, not content, I don't know where your mind went in enough detail to be alarmed, Bella says. I'll warn you before I get any more intrusive than that.
Oh, okay.
This made me happy. This was wonderful. I thought of this as one of the happiest moments of my life. Sifting through memories.
This made me happy. This was wonderful. I thought of this as one of the happiest moments of my life. Sifting through memories.
subtly_artistic
Bella recovers her pen and takes quick notes as things go by.
I was scared. I was excited. I was angry. I was focused. I was proud.
subtly_artistic
Subtle artists have separate emotional symbology! Bella's not fully fluent in it yet but it's faster than writing out whole, imprecise Pax words. Timelining timelining.
Scared. In pain. Confused. Tired. So tired. Proud. Exhausted.
subtly_artistic
If you can keep an eye on what these memories are so I can refer to them later that would be handy, Bella murmurs.
Yep.
Tired. Worried. Self-loathing. Happy. Afraid. Tired.
Tired. Worried. Self-loathing. Happy. Afraid. Tired.
Empty. Exhausted. Unhappy. Angry. Tired. Frustrated. Empty. Scared. Empty. Lonely. Tired. Empty. Tired.
I don't think it's very interesting from there.
I don't think it's very interesting from there.
Fëanáro's naming ceremony, there was a festival and I'd been dreading it and everyone said it'd been lovely and I'd looked radiant and I was pleased to have done something right.
subtly_artistic
Bella annotates the timeline there. I picked up affect as it - labeled, the memories, but there was none in the present, so that's good to know...