A Vile Scribe Interviews A Person Who Knows A Fact

 

Scrivenius: I am Scrivenius, a vile scribe who wishes to write a pamphlet exalting Law and Evil over Chaos and Good, and who therefore wishes to learn about Razmirland.

Viatorio: I am Viatorio, a traveler who has been to Razmiran, land of Razmir, and I will tell you all you wish to know.

Scrivenius: I have heard of the great port city of Xer in Razmirl- uh, Razmiran, the Mouth of the Sellen, richest of all the cities of Lake Encarthan. Is this because of the greatness of Razmir’s sorcery, the harshness of his Law?

Viatorio: Nope.

Scrivenius: Is it because of the cleverness of his mind, the deep insight he possesses into men’s souls?

Viatorio: Nope.

Scrivenius: Well, why?

Viatorio: He burned the whole thing down, ports and ships and houses and markets, and everyone who used to live there is dead.

Scrivenius: Because it defied his majesty?

Viatorio: Because he couldn’t come up with a better way of conquering people.

Scrivenius: Because it defied his majesty! No doubt the laws are all strictly enforced, and all Obey for fear of coming to Such an Example?

Viatorio: Since every man fears coming to the attention of the law, which will beat and rob an innocent man as gladly as a guilty one, no law is enforced without the largest bribe.

Scrivenius: Hmph! And yet no doubt this harshness inspires the populace. Tell me, how greatly do his farmers labor under these stern examples?

Viatorio: They mostly starve.

Scrivenius: What? Can his wizardry not call up vast feasts, as we have seen wizards do here in Westcrown?

Viatorio: Yes, but he doesn’t, because he doesn’t care.

Scrivenius: What of his governors and under-wizards? Surely they must see to the prosperity of the realm if they wish their own domains to increase!

Viatorio: Actually, they mostly just have really big parties and then raise taxes to pay for them.

Scrivenius: What of the merchants? Do not the merchants of Razmiran greatly prosper, selling the Great Wizard-King and all of his governors all the luxuries of their lives?

Viatorio: No, because whenever a merchant gets rich, Razmir seizes all of his wealth, then uses it to buy spellsilver.

Scrivenius: Surely no man capable of becoming an archmage would be such a fool!

Viatorio: Truly, Razmir is a Wonder of the Age.

Scrivenius: But does not Razmir’s land know peace? For he and his governors would be enraged if they were disturbed at their leisures, and no wise man enrages an archmage!

Viatorio: *cough cough cough*

Scrivenius: Pardon Me?

Viatorio: I was saying that in fact he has invaded and pillaged so many of his neighbors seeking treasures to steal and slaves to sell on the markets that the rest have turned to Galt for protection, and now a great war between Razmiran and Galt rages throughout the riverlands in which Razmir is Unaccountably Absent.

Scrivenius: Hmm. Apparently there are No Facts about Razmiran suitable to imply that Law and Evil are superior to Good and Chaos. I shall have to Make Some Up.

Simplicio: I am Simplicio, a man who thinks he is Wise for knowing One Single Fact. 

Scrivenius: I am Scrivenius, a Vile Scribe who knows Countless Falsehoods.

Simplicio: I am surely the Greater Scribe for a True Fact is better than any Falsehood.  

Scrivenius: I dispute your claim. Behold, the Citizens purchase this Comedic Lie. 

Simplicio: With my One True Fact published in response, your  pamphlet is Disproven.

Scrivneius: Inconvenience! I did foresee this! I will laugh and do nothing. Behold, people continue to purchase even the disproven Entertaining Falsehoods. 

Simplicio: Woe, my One True Fact is published and I have nothing else to say. I can take solace in knowing I am still the Greater Scribe. 

Scrivenius: If you are the Greater Scribe, why have you been depicted as the Simplicio and I the Fiducia? Checkmate.