"Ah, the waterspout... Makes water. Water appears when you turn it on. I suppose you could put something else on toothbrushes if you made it with a little notch-screw-thing like the bristle holders have at one end?"

"It's possible I'd be interested in some of both of those. In the Empire, we have fewer enchanted items, but there are things that are indestructible or persistently warm or cold. I'm sure I could buy an icebox for the right price but getting someone in the building to part with one they're using right now might not be profitable. We can enchant items to show what's happening in different places and we can also enchant them to show what was happening at some point in the past. I'm not sure if you have anything like what some people do where they pretend to be different people and pretend to get mad at each other in costumes but some people like that at home and they buy things that show the acting over and over again. There are also ones that show people pointing to objects and naming them in different languages. I'm not sure what else we have that you might like." That's not true at all, but if they don't have command magic then they might not be able to have slavery and so Valanda will just not tell them about any enchanted items they could use to change that. And if this man follows him home, having one last trick up his sleeve can't hurt.

"We have iceboxes. We have audio and visual recordings on crystals. At this point I am mostly interested in precious metals which I am getting the feeling are relatively easy to get for you, and making a few of my items indestructible."

"What items? How many, how large, do you have any unusual definitions of 'indestructible' like a candle that'll burn but can't be cut in half? How much of which metals exactly? How many waterspouts and toothbrushes do you have available to sell me? Will any other people in Milliways want to sell things for Kavased after this, do you think? Is the place I was trying to get to by going through this door... eaten, or can I send someone through a window while I hold the door?"

"All of the items are my crystals and amulets on this chain right here." He grabs where it rests around his neck for a moment. "Not very large. No unusual definitions. Crystals can destroy themselves for an overcharged version of their usual effect, but I'll just avoid doing that." He throws some numbers out for the metals - very low for him, still very high for Valenda. "If you open the door and send someone through a window they won't be able to open the door from behind but can do everything else just fine. I don't think it's terribly likely other people in Milliways will want Kavased, but it won't be a problem. Tell you why it won't be a problem for five rings." The last sentence is said with a fair bit of sarcasm.

"Information's too much of a lemon market for that. I'll give you one for it."

"I was somewhat being sarcastic. One works." He waits until it is handed over to say, "Bar can do currency exchanges for pretty much every currency. Via incomprehensible magic of some kind."

"Oh! That's useful." Then, to Bar: "Excuse me, Bar, how much to find out how many Kavased are worth one ring?"

A napkin appears.

In neat cursive writing it says, I do not generally charge patrons for information regarding pricing or exchange rates. Would you like a drink? First one is free.

Oh, okay, Valanda knows why people promote their products that way. "I might like a free drink if it's a kind that'll be good for me. I don't drink fresh blood, for example, but it looks like you've served humans before. And I'd like to know the prices of tungsten, platinum, titanium, gold, silver, apples and pecans in Kavased."

I would not serve anything disgusting to someone's taste unless it was specifically requested. I do not sell dangerous items such as poisons. I would only sell fresh blood, which is never sourced from any actual person, to vampires or persons with similar dietary requirements. The napkin bearing that message manages to look slightly offended.

Here is a drink. It's pale yellow and cold. Here is a list of prices that seem a lot like prices from his home converted into another currency, rather than the 50 Kavased per kilo for platinum Nick offered.

Ha. Ha. Ha. Valanda is very unamused except for how that's actually kind of funny. "I'd also like a list of the prices I'd have to pay to buy these things in Tileworld."

He sniffs the drink cautiously. It's probably safe, if Bar is used to serving humans. He takes a small sip.

The drink is pretty good! Sweet, and full of some kind of unfamiliar fruit flavor.

The prices for Tileworld reveal that all the listed metals are very expensive there. And food is a bit cheaper.

I do not tend to facilitate arbitrage; It is discouraged by the landlords.

"Ah. What would you, hypothetically, do to someone who met another patron and traded with them? Would they be banned from coming back? Would you let them leave with their goods or not?" And why can't people in other universes just act normal and say what they want and what they're willing to do to get it?

I won't interfere with any trading you decide to do with other patrons. I will simply decline to assist with arbitrage beyond a certain point. I do not control the actions of the door, but it almost never prevents people from leaving.

"Bar's like that. I don't see the point in stressing too much about it - we're still both going to make a profit."

Valanda would be so much happier if that "almost" hadn't been in there but that's right, they'll both profit.

"Looks like I should be considering buying nuts from you. Nuts, waterspouts, toothbrushes... I'll just go open the door and send someone for the metals you want."

"My door opens onto my ship which is sailing right now. I don't have a huge collection of waterspouts and toothbrushes. Toothbrushes. Sure, why not. It's not like I carry an entire shopping mall around with me. But I have some." He gets up and starts ambling towards the door.

Once the Tileworld goods are rounded up and inside the bar, Valanda opens the door, shouts, pays a snake to go find someone with more appendages and not ask questions, pays a cat to jump out the window...

...and then stands there holding the door and waiting. "It'll be a while. Does this look very different from your world?" Visible from the door is a white-walled apartment lobby with stairs and a closed door. The silver door-handles are actual silver. The only light is the sun coming in from the window.

"It looks like the lobby of an apartment building. The architecture is unfamiliar. I am led to believe I'd need to see landscapes to note any big differences. Though snakes and cats being people is a bit new."

"You don't have squares inside buildings? And, wait, how many humans are there in your world and what other species of people are there?"

"Squares are about two kilometers per side. The terrain changes suddenly, sharply, at the borders. Lots, and lots."

"Two kilometers as the bird flies or does the grid get out of sync wherever there are mountains? Do any towns straddle the borders between squares?"

"Hm, here, let me draw you something..."

Squares each have four triangles that meet in the middle. The terrain comes in types, and the type changes sharply, but the elevation changes a bit more gradually - even for hills and mountains and the like. 

"Like so. We tend to build within the lines, not right through them, but it's not unheard of."

There are so many more questions he could ask about how that works but none of them seem likely to lead to anything useful.

"That's strange. There's not enough of a view out the window for you to see what our world is like if you step out into my building, you'd have to go up on the roof or out of town and it could be a bad idea for you to go wandering. What's your home town like, what species of people, what sort of government?"