"Meh, I wouldn't actually do it, probably, it has a tendency to drive you crazy. But it sure does bring up your power levels. Knew a girl who went from struggling to lift a pencil to bringing about the apocalypse in three months that way. She ended up getting decapitated by some hero or other. Nasty business. No great loss, though, she was awfully tacky."

"How do you eat a soul? ...Don't demonstrate."

"Typically I believe you set up an elaborate magical circle, preferably on top of a pyramid but any high point will do, and cut the heart out of their chest with an enchanted dagger. Then you consume the heart. The corpse and/or blood can then be devoured by any minions and/or platonic soulmates who would like them."

"...Very efficient."

"Yes, it's an old favorite. And yet the people who've done it have this tendency to get murdered by various do-gooders, funny how that works out. Perhaps it's because powerful and crazy does not mean good at self-preservation."

"Also probably because of the do-gooders' desire to do good and prevent the eating of souls, I bet that's involved."

"That's a thing she can do?"

"Yep. Though it is one of the things that gets you killed by do-gooders. But if anybody can do it without getting herself killed it'll be her. And she doesn't give a damn who she tramples into the dust to do it. That's what I love about her." He sighs, somewhat dreamily.

"Yours is a weird arrangement."

"It is. If she was a man it'd be a bit less complicated, but I'm tragically gay, so- platonic lifemate and premature high priest. Unless she sacrifices me on a dark altar or something, which I wouldn't put past her."

"Would you let her?"

"I just might. As long as it was special. I won't expect her to keep me, but I wouldn't let her just throw me away. That much, I think I have a right to."

"I do not understand anything about you except for the part where you are very good-looking."

"I like that. I may get that put on my business cards."

"Incomprehensible Except For Stunning Good Looks."

"Bar, could I get fifty business cards reading 'Leonardo Salazar Castillo Nieves de la Sangre Christo, Freelance Witch, Incomprehensible Except for Stunning Good Looks' arranged in a heavy gothic font? In red and black, please."

"That is my real name. If you are wondering if it is as ridiculous as it sounds, yes, it is. My mother has a particular aesthetic."

"Huh. My name got slightly more pretentious when Kiri woke up all primey one morning and we started using Ardelay as a last name in her honor but it's still pretty basic."

"You think four last names is pretentious? Pfah. Entry-level. If I listed all my honorific surnames there'd be no room for the amusing quote."

"I don't use both last names," says Aleko. "I don't know how surnames work where you're from but where I'm from you can basically use whatever surname you want as long as you are in fact descended from or married to somebody who uses it. We were using our dad's, but then Kiri was prime and everybody was calling her Ardelay, so we started using Ardelay too."

"Interesting. Mom does a similar thing except she lumped them all into one hyphenated mess and lobbed them at her poor unsuspecting children."

"I guess that saves you the difficulty of choosing between them?"

"Yes, because I tossed them all out and I just use Dad's. Mom doesn't mind, she thinks it's hilarious."